Our first few dates, in the month of September, were mostly dining out. I discovered that he appreciated good food and good wine, and I learned to appreciate both, as well as good service. He taught me how to taste and appreciate good wine, and how to pair it with food; he taught me to be unafraid of trying new dishes; he taught me that the best "pairing" for both good food and good wine is good company.
I spent many late-night post-date hours talking to my roommate about how things were moving along and how right it all felt. At the time, she had also begun dating the man she would end up marrying, so it was a lovely time of both of us looking forward to the future with men we had come to love unconditionally. And even better, the two men enjoyed each other's company, so we were becoming a foursome as well as two pairs.
He and I knew very early on that we had something special. We decided to try a restaurant that neither of us had been to before, a fondue place called "The Melting Pot." It featured a multi-course menu of salad, cheese fondue, entree fondue, and dessert fondue, and had a seating option called "Lovers' Lane," which featured small tables for two where the diners are seated next to each other and share a "cooking style," the flavor combination in which all the food is cooked. They also had an excellent wine menu (although terribly cheap wine glasses, which gave us a giggle, since we felt like we were drinking nice wine out of hotel water glasses).
We were there the first time we told each other, "I love you." It was the first time I had told anyone other than my parents that I loved them. It was a pretty big deal. The Melting Pot would later become our go-to restaurant for both my birthday and often our wedding anniversary (spoiler!). It always held very special memories for us.
In early October, my roommate and I hosted a party, and a mutual friend asked me how the online dating was going. "I think I've met The One," I told her. She immediately turned to my roommate and asked, "Does she say this every time?" My roommate, slightly stunned, replied, "She's NEVER said that before!" I knew. We all knew.
The next step in our relationship was a surprise trip to New York City for my 39th birthday in November. He wrote up a whole schedule of "39 hours celebrating your 39th!" We went to see a Broadway show; we met his brother and sister-in-law, who lived just outside NYC; we went to a lovely French restaurant; we had drinks and watched cabaret acts at Don't Tell Mama; and we visited Tiffany's, where we drank champagne and tried on engagement rings.
November also meant it was rehearsal time for Christmas shows. For the past decade, he had performed in the annual Christmas show put on by the regional theater he had mentioned in his profile. I was somewhat intimidated to audition for the group, but he had told me, "If I do the show and you don't, I won't see you for almost two months. So if you don't do it, I won't do it." I couldn't be responsible for him missing the show, so I took a deep breath and auditioned. It turned out to be the beginning of a wonderful part of my life and the birth of friendships that would carry my through the decades ahead. He informed (not asked!) the director that we would need to be paired in all the couples numbers, which was fortunately not a problem because we were both the tallest in our sections, so it was a natural pairing. As I settled in to the women's dressing room, it was clear that he was well-liked among the cast, as I was gently challenged as to how our relationship was growing, and I felt that I was clearly being evaluated, but also that I had met with general approval.
We had touched on the idea of marriage during our NYC trip, but we had further discussions about how our marriage would work before we made it official. We agreed that I would be a stay-at-home mom while our children were small; we discussed how we would handle finances, parenting, church, education, housekeeping, extended families. We were both old enough and experienced enough to know what we wanted and what questions we needed to ask, and we both were giving the right answers. We were ready.
But there was one more thing: we needed to meet each others' families. And more importantly, I need to get his daughter's approval. He told me straight out that he wouldn't even ask me to marry him until he'd gotten her blessing. So I went to a concert and met his parents, and he had dinner at my mom's house and met my mom and sister. The lighting fixture in my mom's dining room began flickering, and when he not only offered to fix it but was tall enough to fix it without needing a ladder, my mom was as smitten as I was. And at Christmas, when his daughter came to visit, we spent some time together, then he took her to a daddy-daughter dinner and asked for her blessing. He told me later that her response was, "Dad, if she makes you happy and you love her, I love her." He came home and told me, following it up with, "So, is it driving you crazy knowing that your ring is somewhere in this house?" It hadn't been, but it was now!