Thursday, February 5, 2026

"Someone's Mom Reviews All the Grammy Award Winning Songs," 2026 Edition

It occurred to me, after reviewing the red carpet fashions from the 2026 Grammy Awards and thinking about my excitement over how many of the artists and songs I was familiar with, that it might be fun for me to review not just the fashions, but the music itself - as in, the whole reason for the awards ceremony. 

I will open with a disclaimer that I am clearly not in the target demographic for the vast majority of these genres, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. But if you are a parent, this might give you an idea of songs your kids like that you might be able to listen to together or even discuss, and if you are a teenager, this might give you an idea of songs you like that you could share with your parents and which they might actually enjoy (or at least, tolerate). 

I'm rating each song on an academic grading scale (A-F), and I'm limiting myself to awards given to single songs (as opposed to albums). I have also noted when lyrics are explicit, in reference to profanity but also graphic violence or sexual references. Each song title is linked to a YouTube video version of the song, and a link to the full lyrics is also provided. 

Note about award categories: "Best Performance" awards are based on vocals and instrumentals, and are given to the singer(s)/band; "Best Song" awards are based on the music and lyrics, and are given to the songwriter(s), who may also be the performer(s); and "Best Recording" awards (including "Record of the Year") take into account both the performance and the technical aspects of the final recording, including sound engineering, production, etc. Shout-out to my son Ryan for helping clarify this for me!

 

"Wildflower" by Billie Eilish (Song of the Year)
Lyrics

Eilish has a very appealing husky quality to her voice that works really well with the soft acoustic guitar accompaniment of this piece. It has a very gentle feel, which is emphasized by the quiet, unobtrusive background vocals. The song examines the guilty feeling of dating a friend's ex, and has a sad, wistful quality to it. Lines like "You fell out of love, and you both let go," and "Did I cross the line?...I just wonder how she felt," are both sad and haunting. I genuinely enjoy this song, both musically and lyrically. 

My Score: A


"Messy" by Lola Young (Best Pop Solo Performance) *explicit*
Lyrics

Young has a gritty, unpolished quality to her voice which works well with this song, which is about frustration at not being able to meet the unrealistic expectations of others. Lyrics include, "You told me 'Get a job' then you ask where the hell I've been," and "I'm too perfect 'til I open my big mouth. I want to be me, is that not allowed?" I completely understand the appeal of this song to young people caught between childhood and adulthood, continually told to be responsible but at the same time not treated as being fully responsible. The laid-back feel of the song beautifully portrays the singer's exhaustion as well as her despair. The song ends with Young's voice breaking on the final word of the closing line, "A thousand people I could be for you, and you hate the f%@#ing lot," and your heart breaks along with it. 

My Score: A-


"Abracadabra" by Lady Gaga (Best Dance-Pop Recording)
Lyrics
Fun fact: The word "abracadabra" originates from an Aramaic phrase meaning "I create as I speak."

Not surprisingly for the "dance-pop" category, this song has Gaga's signature pulsing beat throughout. The repeated refrain includes the lyrics, "Abracadabra Amor oo na na Abra ca da bra Morta oo gaga," a reference to love ("Amor") and death ("Mort"), and the lyrics seem to explore using art, passion, and persistence to shape your own life and fate, even when it's risky ("death or love tonight"). It's not one of my favorite Gaga songs, but I like it. It's the kind of song that would get me up on the dance floor at a wedding. 

My Score: B+


"Chains and Whips" by Clipse ft. Kendrick Lamar and Pharrell (Best Rap Performance) *explicit*
Lyrics

Although it's slightly more melodic than a lot of rap music, I don't love the repetitive nature of the song, although I do like the underlying instrumental. I also like the variety provided by using multiple lead voices. The lyrics include a lot of expletives and there are non-graphic references to weapons and violence, but I don't find the lyrics to be particularly offensive. The singer (speaker?) seems to be gloating over a rival's fall from grace, with lyrics like, "Your lucky streak is now losin' you, money's dried up like a cuticle, you're gaspin' for air now, it's beautiful." I find it interesting that the terms in the title, "chains" and "whips," can refer both to literal chains and whips, which evoke the idea of slavery (all four performers are African-American), but "chains" could also refer to jewelry, and the term "whips" is slang for cars, with flashy jewelry and cars being major status symbols in rap culture. The song seems to criticize the materialism of rap culture, enslaving those who are part of it as much as literal chains and whips.  I won't be listening to this one on repeat, but it has something to say and says it well. 

My Score: B-


"Bad As I Used to Be" by Chris Stapleton (Best Country Solo Performance)
Lyrics


The song (which is from the soundtrack of the film F1) opens with an extended instrumental featuring electric guitar and harmonica, before Stapleton's raspy vocals come in, with several similar instrumental breaks later in the song. The lyrics are about a comeback, reflecting the plot of the movie, although there isn't much to the lyrics, mainly repetitions of the title (over half of the lines in the only nineteen-line song are or include the lyrics, "I'm just as bad as I used to be"). It feels to me like an abbreviated version of a larger song, but in this form, it's boring and repetitive and doesn't have much to say, but I guess that's sometimes what you want for a film soundtrack. 

My Score: C-


"TV Off" by Kendrick Lamar ft Lefty Gunplay (Best Rap Song) *explicit*
Lyrics

This song is supposedly about unplugging from screens and technology, but I have to admit that the lyrics are so full of street slang that I don't understand most of what they're saying. I mean, I understand the words, but the way they put them together makes no sense. Even the way the words are spoken is frequently very monotone and expressionless, not giving any sense of the emotions being portrayed. And musically and rhythmically, it's overly repetitive, yet there's a section in the middle (from about 1:55-2:10 in the linked recording) that feels completely unrelated to the rest of the song. The bottom line is that I just don't get it and nothing about the song seems to be making an effort to help me get it. 

My Score: D

"Defying Gravity" by Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande (Best Pop Duo/Group Performance)
Lyrics

Another disclaimer: I am a big fan of musical theatre in general and of Wicked in particular, so this was already a winner in my book. That said, I don't always love the way musicals transition from stage to screen, but I found this film to be unusually successful in navigating those fraught waters, especially considering the iconic original performers. The lush, gorgeous orchestrations and Erivo's and Grande's powerful, expressive vocals simply soar throughout this recording. Brilliantly done. 

My Score: A


Changes (Live from Villa Park, Back to the Beginning) by Yungblud (Best Rock Performance) *explicit*
Lyrics


This ballad was originally performed in 1972 by Black Sabbath with Ozzy on vocals. Yungblud performed it as a tribute to Ozzy Osborne during what was billed as Black Sabbath's final tour, only a few weeks before Osborne's death. This version opens with an acoustic piano introduction, adding in a solo vocal and some backing strings, then gradually building and adding more electronic instrumentation, and the crowd joins in on some of the choruses, ending with an a cappella version sung by the audience. It is a moving and emotional performance, and Yungblud's respect and admiration for Osborne is obvious in every note. I really enjoyed this recording. 

My Score: A-


Birds* by Turnstile (Best Metal Performance)
Lyrics
*
 This video link includes both "Seein' Stars" and "Birds;" jump ahead to 3:06 in the video for "Birds"

This song has several distinct sections: it opens with a long sustained chord, then adds in some quiet percussion effects like woodblocks, cowbell, clicking, and cymbals, before crescendoing and adding in electric guitar and screaming vocals, mainly repetitive (shouted) choruses like "I'm free, free, free, free, free, free, No one left to be, be, be, be, be, be, be" (or so the lyric sheet tells me), then a section with another electric guitar lick and heavy drums followed by a siren sound effect, then a final "outro" shouted chorus repeating the lyric, "Finally I can see it, these birds not meant to fly alone." Which is actually a rather lovely lyric, but I don't see how it connects to anything else in the song. I can appreciate a lot of heavy metal music, but this song is not part of that group. 

My Score: D-


Folded by Kehlani (Best R&B Performance, Best R&B Song)
Lyrics

It's a shame there's so much auto-tuning going on in this recording, because Kehlani's voice has a beautifully rich timbre and I find the auto-tune distracting. The lyrics tell of the possible end of a relationship, of meeting a lover at the door having packed up his clothes, yet the door is still open, hinting at a chance of reconciliation. It's a song worth listening to more than once. 

My Score: A-


Vibes Don't Lie by Leon Thomas (Best Traditional R&B Performance) *explicit*
Lyrics

The word "groove" comes to mind when listening to this song, because it makes you want to just sit back and groove to the cool rhythm, especially when the jazzy trumpet comes in at the end. But the lyrics are a bit more problematic for me. It seems to be commenting that his girlfriend is insecure, relying on money to show her worth, but he trusts his heart and his intuition - his "vibes" that she's worthy. Maybe? Eh, I like it as background music, I just can't think about it too much. 

My Score: C+


EoO by Bad Bunny (Best Global Music Performance) *explicit*
Lyrics (English Translation)

Another song that will absolutely get me up on the dance floor, this is a great example of emotion coming through regardless of language. The title "EeO" refers to the ending syllable of the word "perreo," a Puerto Rican "reggaeton" dance style. The song is described as a "high energy party anthem" that celebrates female independence and sexual empowerment and the power of dance. Even for non-Spanish speakers, it has a fun, celebratory vibe, although I don't love the way it ends by just...kind of...stopping. But it's upbeat and catchy and it makes me look forward to the Superbowl Halftime Show!

My Score: B+


As Alive As You Need Me to Be by Nine Inch Nails (Best Rock Song)
Lyrics

This song is from the soundtrack to Tron: Ares, which explains the title somewhat. Trent Reznor's rich (and very much human) vocals overlay a pounding techno-pop instrumental track with heavily processed electronic background voices, frequently chanting a repeated "yeah yeah yeah," then in an extended final chorus repeating the words, "I can finally feel," then the song fades into a single sustained electronic tone that dissolves into garbled static. It's deliciously eerie. 

My Score: A-


Bitin' List by Tyler Childers (Best Country Song) *explicit*
Lyrics

Featuring a marvelously twangy banjo, this song is traditional country through and through, right down to the hilarious refrain (please imagine the country drawl), "To put it plain, I just don't like you, not a thing about the way you is. And if there ever come a time I got rabies, you're high on my bitin' list." This song made me laugh right out loud, even as I was joining in on the chorus. 

My Score: A+


Alone by The Cure (Best Alternative Music Performance)
Lyrics

The lyrics to this song are based on a poem by Ernest Dowson called "Dregs," and they are incredibly grim and hopeless, summed up in the first verse: "This is the end of every song that we sing, the fire burned out to ash and the stars grown dim with tears, cold and afraid, the ghosts of all that we've been. We toast with bitter dregs, to our emptiness." But even before we hear those words, there is nearly three and a half minutes of haunting instrumental music. And the song fades away on the single word, "alone." It is bleak, but it is beautiful. 

My Score: B


Anxiety by Doechii (Best Music Video)
Lyrics

The opening riff is sampled from Gotye's 2011 "Somebody That I Used to Know," which in turn sampled it from a 1967 Brazilian guitar track. It's catchy, and the boppy melody carries throughout the song, giving the whole song a trippy sense of deja vu that's very fitting for the theme of "anxiety" - do I know this song or not? This is definitely one I'd listen to on repeat. 

My Score: A

End of Summer by Tame Impala (Best Dance/Electronic Recording)
Lyrics

Despite its processed techno feel, there is a certain authenticity about this song that I like. Its themes are about putting things off and missing the moment - "I waited till the end of summer and I ran out of time" - resonates within all of us, creating a sense of nostalgia for what was and what might have been. It's a little repetitive and not as melodic as I would like, but it's not a bad listen. 

My Score: B-


Push 2 Start by Tyla (Best African Music Performance)
Lyrics

I enjoy the complicated rhythms at the beginning of the song, but I was hoping for a more traditional African beat and melodies. It has more of a South American feel to me. It wasn't a terrible song, but it left me cold. 

My Score: C+


Windows (live) by Chick Corea, Christian McBride & Brian Blade (Best Jazz Performance)

Legendary jazz pianist and composer Chick Corea won his first Grammy in 1976, earning a total of 79 Grammy nominations and winning 29 competitive Grammys, including three posthumously (he died in 2021). This version was recorded during a 2020 tour with Corea (on piano) and longtime bandmates Brian Blade (drums) and Christian McBride (double bass), and a compilation of live recordings from that tour were released as "Trilogy 3" ("Trilogy" and "Trilogy 2" were live recordings from a 2013 tour). This is my type of jazz; it has rhythm and melody and unexpected changes but it always comes back home. I could groove to this track for hours. 

My Score: A+


Messiaen: Turangalîla-Symphonie* by the Boston Symphony Orchestra, Andris Nelsons, conductor (Best Orchestral Performance)
*This link is only the first movement, but it will automatically move ahead through all the movements if you let the video play.

I'm not familiar with Messiaen, but this piece (I didn't listen to the entire recording, but I did hear  excerpts from multiple movements) has a kind of clashing, dissonant, Stravinsky vibe that is exciting even when it's a little disturbing or off-putting. It sounds like background music for a weird dream sequence in a Hitchcock film - but it resolves into a gentle Copland-like melody or trill now and then that brings you back to reality before zooming off into dissonance again. I don't know if I'd say I like it, exactly, but it is certainly interesting to listen to. And it did grow on me the longer I listened. 

My Score: B+

Luther by Kendrick Lamar with SZA (Best Melodic Rap Performance, Record of the Year)
Lyrics

The song opens with a simple acoustic guitar line, then a sample of Luther Vandross singing, "If this world were mine," then Kendrick tells his girl everything he'd give her "if this world were mine." It's an oddly sweet love song and although I'm not a fan of Kendrick's mealy-mouthed style, I like his voice here. When SZA enters on the chorus I was a little annoyed by the autotuning, but their voices blend nicely and I liked how the song incorporated a few more Vandross samples in a very natural way. The song - and the story - has a nice arc, and I'd listen to it more than once. 

My Score: A-  

Amen by Shaboozey and Jelly Roll (Best Country Duo/Group Performance)
Lyrics

This is not the kind of song I'd expect from two guys that look like this, but this is a genuine two-steppin' country song that you want to clap along to. In the first verse, Shaboozey is admitting to being a troubled mess ("Them angels know, they don't look my way. I'm way too gone to save"), yet asking for prayers of mercy, then in the second verse, Jelly Roll - despite being "headed nowhere fast" - is "just hopin' I see the day I ain't ashamed of the man in the mirror, and the man upstairs ain't either." I particularly like the juxtaposition of the two oh-so-similar choruses: "I'm diggin' my grave down, 12 feet deep. I got none left, so I'm on my knees beggin'" vs. "Instead of diggin' my grave down, 12 feet deep. 
I got nothin' left, so I'm on my knees singin'." It's a little bit country, a little bit gospel, and a whole lotta hopeful. 

My Score: B+

Beautiful Strangers by Mavis Staples (Best American Roots Performance)
Lyrics

I had no idea what to expect from a genre called "American Roots," but if it's all like this honey-voiced, jazzy, gospel, folk mama, I want to hear more. Her voice is the kind you can trust for wise advice and I believe her when she says, "If you ever hear that gunshot...I am a rock." She sings of the troubles of the world but assures you that she and Jesus will be there to carry you through. If I could fall asleep to this song every night I'd never have a bad dream again. 

My Score: A


Godspeed by Mavis Staples (Best Americana Performance)
Lyrics

Staples' voice is harsher, almost raspier on this song than on Beautiful Strangers, with a rawer emotional edge and a stronger sense of power underneath it. The lyrics speak of letting go of a loved one, but always keeping a place for them to come back to, and I can imagine singing the first part to my children when they leave the nest, knowing they will always be welcomed back. It's a lovely, moving song, although I don't love the spoken "outro" section that ends the piece. It feels like a sample from something, but I don't know what so it doesn't make sense to me. 

My Score: B (I averaged the "A" of the first section with the "C" of the outro)


Ancient Light by I'm with Her (Best American Roots Song)
Lyrics

This folksy/country song features acoustic guitar and fiddle and very traditional tight harmonies with the three female voices. The refrain, "I'll be swimmin' in the ancient light" evokes a connection to the past ("thinkin' of who came before") as well as imagery of a warm fire in the darkness ("sparks and smoke rings fill up the night"). The song speaks of finding a sense of peace amid the chaos of life. The sound and the meaning are soothing to both ear and mind, and if you like Appalachian-style music (think Alison Krauss & Union Station), you'll like this song. 

My Score: A


Come Jesus Come by Cece Winans ft. Shirley Caesar (Best Gospel Performance/Song)
Lyrics

This song is very much traditional gospel music, opening with Winans' clear, strong vocals over a simple piano accompaniment with just a hint of sustained strings underneath, and slowly building over the course of the song, adding a choir and organ. Despite the build, the song is restrained throughout, and I love that Winans doesn't feel the need to end the song with a huge belt or glory note as is so common in gospel music, but instead keeps a sense of quiet trust throughout. It is a beautiful anthem of hope and faith.

My Score: A-

Hard Fought Hallelujah by Brandon Lake With Jelly Roll (Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song)
Lyrics

Again, not the style of music you expect from guys who look like this. The style is more country than "Christian pop," and unlike much contemporary Christian music which is praise songs focusing on God, this song refers to the unsavory past of the singers ("I've wrestled with thе darkness but I'm tryin' to reach for the light") and admits that having faith isn't always easy ("There's days when the praise comes out easy and days when it takes all the strength I've got"), summed up in the refrain of "I'll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt been-through-hell hallelujah." Most Christian music with a message like this is in a much more rock or even metal style, so it's refreshing to hear it in a less intense genre. 

My Score: B+


Golden [From “KPop Demon Hunters”] by Huntr/x (Best Song Written for Visual Media)
Lyrics

My daughter is a big fan of both Huntr/x and KPop Demon Hunters so I've been hearing this song for months and I'll admit that it's a huge earworm for me. I love its theme of female empowerment ("Oh, I'm done hidin', now I'm shinin' like I'm born to be"). I find the melody interesting and different, and the accompaniment treads a fine line between acoustic and electronic that really works for both the song and the film. I could definitely listen to this one on repeat, which is good, because it kind of is at my house. 

My Score: A+

First Snow by Nordkraft Big Band (Best Instrumental Composition)

My favorite parts of this recording is the way the saxophone solos are doubled by a woman's voice that gives it a wonderful depth and timbre, and the hints of dissonance throughout. This is the kind of soft, melodic jazz that I want in the background of my life all the time. It's soothing without being boring, and includes a few jazzy riffs, but none of them wander too far afield, which keeps it interesting. And I love the big, brassy section that just melts away for the ending. This is my kind of jazz. 

My Score: A 

Super Mario Praise Break by The 8-Bit Big Band (Best Arrangement, Instrumental or A Cappella)

How can you not love a piece called "Super Mario Praise Break"? The fast, jazzy beat, staccato melody, and tight harmonies really do blend a gospel style with a distinctive video game sound that's fun and upbeat. It'll get your heart racing! While I wouldn't want to listen to it over and over again (it's a little manic for that), if you need a quick pick-me-up to elevate your mood and bring a smile to your face (and maybe a dance to your feet), this is it.

My Score: B+


Big Fish by Nate Smith Featuring Säje (Best Arrangement, Instruments and Vocals)
Lyrics

This piece has an interesting and unexpected 4-4-3 jazz rhythm (it reminds me a bit of Brubeck), and the soft female vocals use unusual harmonies and dissonance (it reminds me a lot of New York Voices). About 3 minutes into the piece, there's an abrupt change than begins with a musical vocal "panting," and the focus is clearly more on the vocals for this section, before returning to the opening style. If you like Manhattan Transfer and/or Brubeck, you'll like this. It works as background music, but it's better if you really listen to it and appreciate its complexity. 

My Score: A- 

Ortiz: Yanga by Los Angeles Philharmonic, Tambuco Percussion Ensemble, and Los Angeles Master Chorale; Gustavo Dudamel, conductor; Grant Gershon, chorus master (Best Choral Performance)
*Note: I was unable to find the choral lyrics, either in Spanish or an English translation

This piece was inspired by Gaspar Yanga, leader of an enslaved African colony which was marooned in Mexico in the early 1600s. Ortiz uses many instruments, especially percussion (the score includes a "solo percussion quartet" in addition to orchestra and mixed choir), which were brought from Africa and later became heavily used in Latin American Music. Ortiz wrote, "My idea was to add the unique color of these instruments into a musical discourse from my imaginary sound world without trying to directly emulate Afro-Latin American rhythms." I think he was successful, as the piece has its own unique feel while still having moments that are clearly evocative of both African and Latin American musical styles. Not only do I want to listen to this piece live, I want to sing it! It's probably not to everyone's taste, but if you like Carmina Burana, you should give it a listen. Yes, all 17 minutes of it. 

My Score: A


Ortiz: Dzonot* by Los Angeles Philharmonic (Best Contemporary Classical Composition)
*Note: This link is for the first movement only; see below for links to each of the four movements


This piece is by the same composer and on the same album as Yanga, above, but has a very different feel. "Dzonot" is a Mexican term which means "abyss," and the piece was inspired by a system of subterranean caves and rivers on the Yucatan peninsula. Scored for solo cello and orchestra, the movements are called "Luz Vertical" ("vertical light"), "el olo del Jaguar" ("the eye of the jaguar"), "Jade", and "el vuelo del Toh" ("Toh's flight"). Luz Vertical features solo cello in a very high register, first minimally underscored with bells and harp, then adding quiet horns, haunting woodwinds, and the full orchestra at various times. El olo del Jaguar features plucked strings and a pulsing beat in the bells and other percussion that evokes for me a sense of one's heart pounding when facing a jaguar, and a racing melody on the cello that sounds like running for one's life. Jade features solo cello with relatively light underscoring through most of the piece, and has an ethereal, dreamlike quality. El vuelo del Toh opens with "noodling" in the winds, followed by the brass, then adding strong percussion beats, then the solo cello enters with a fast melody that slows and then adds "dreamlike" underscoring from percussion and orchestra which eventually transitions into a plucked melody and pounding accompaniment. This movement includes the most virtuosic (yes, that's a word; I looked it up) passages for the cellist. It also includes a few North American-sounding licks (the percussion at 7:04 and following could have been directly lifted from "Mambo" from West Side Story), but otherwise has an distinctly ethnic, exotic feel. It's a little different to the point of being weird, and unless you're really a fan of modern music, it's probably not to your taste. I didn't exactly enjoy listening to it, but it found it interesting and intriguing to analyze. 

My Score: C+

Dennehy: Land Of Winter by Alan Pierson and Alarm Will Sound (Best Chamber Music/Small Ensemble Performance)

This piece would definitely be classified as a "tone poem," like Vivaldi's Four Seasons, in that it evokes a sense of cold, bleak weather (tremolo strings shivering!), but it has a much less melodic, more modern and dissonant sound. It was fine, but just didn't do anything for me. 

My Score: C-

Shostakovich: The Cello Concertos* by Yo-Yo Ma and the Boston Symphony Orchestra, Andris Nelsons, conductor (Best Classical Instrumental Solo)
*Note: This link is to Concerto No. 1 in E-flat Major movement I: Allegretto; this collection also includes movements II: Moderato, III: Cadenza, and IV: Finale - Allegro con moto; and Concerto No. 2 in G Major, movements I: Largo, II: Scherzo - Allegretto, and III: Finale - Allegretto

I was tempted to give this one an A+ without even listening to it simply for the trifecta of Yo-Yo Ma, Shostakovich, and the BSO (and also because this has been a LONG blog and this was a LOT of music), but I'm glad I did listen to it, or at least multiple excerpts. I love Shostakovich in small doses, and this is a pretty big dose, but there are parts of it that I found very accessible. If you're not a fan but want to give it a try, I recommend the Finale of Concerto No. 2, which features a lot of brass and some "prettier-sounding" cello parts, and which ends surprisingly calmly and quietly (I always expect Shostavokich to end with crashing cymbals) with wood blocks, pizzicati, and xylophone, and a long sustained cello note that simply fades away at the end. 

My Score: A-


I hope this blog has opened your eyes - well, ears - to some new music and musical genres that you may not have considered in the past! Happy listening!



Monday, February 2, 2026

2026 Grammy Awards Red Carpet Review: Fashion Face-Off!!

I watched the Grammy Awards live last night, including early red carpet arrivals and most of the ceremony, so I got to see a lot of the fashions in real time. There were a lot of noteworthy looks! And just to change it up a little, I thought I'd review the looks in twos and threes, a kind of head-to-head (-to-head) challenge between outfits that were similar in some way. Who wore it better? Let's find out!

Bold Prints: Pink Pantheress vs. Tallia Storm

Pantheress wore a strapless archival Vivienne Westwood design with long flared sleeves and a short train in a kind of color block print in mostly red and gray. This lines were beautiful, and the only detail I disliked was an odd green line across the crotch which looked like spray paint. It looked like a mistake, the kind of mark vendors place near the end of a bolt of fabric. Storm wore a print column featuring giant comic book panels, with a round neck, a long narrow train, and long, feather-edged panels trailing from the sleeves. Both good looks, but the win goes to Pink Pantheress, because her dress looked great no matter how she posed, while Storm's looked bunchy and awkward whenever she wasn't "flapping her wings." 

Winner: Pink Pantheress

Huge Keyholes, Part 1 (same designer): Kehlani vs. Ari Lennox 

Kehlani and Lennox both wore gowns by designer Valdrin Sahiti. Kehlani's gown was a sheer black lace column with an opaque band across the hips, a halter neckline, a sheer inverted triangle cutout with sequin details around the edges, and a rosette at the top and bottom of the keyhole. Lennox's strapless black bodice had an inverted teardrop-shaped cutout and a silver sequin skirt with a flared top, like an inverted peplum, that flared from the hip. The proportions of Lennox's skirt were not flattering, making her waist look wide and her torso absurdly long. I would have liked Kehlani's gown better if the keyhole were just a hair narrower, but in general it was a great look and definitely the more flattering of the two. 

Winner: Kehlani

Huge Keyholes, Part 2 (smooth black): Madison Beer vs. Leah Kateb

Beer's custom Andrew Kwon fitted black sheath featured wide black velvet straps and wrapped black velvet detailing above the shallow, curved, inverted triangle cutout, and a short train. Kateb's black Mac Duggal halter gown featured a plunging-to-the-waist keyhole and side cutouts revealing a narrow gold chain "belt" that wove in and out of the dress and matched the halter straps. Both were good looks, but I found Beer's just a little more flattering, and it had more of a red carpet feel to it. 

Winner: Beer

Champagne with a Frothy Tiered Skirt: Tyla vs. Sabrina Carpenter

Tyla's vintage DSquared2 dress featured a gold-sequin-edged bodice with tiny straps, a dropped waist, and a feathery high-low skirt that trailed into a long, narrow train. Carpenter wore a crystal-embellished custom Valentino dress with a sweetheart bodice with narrow straps topped with a sheer, crystal-edged capelet over the shoulders, fitted to the hip, then cascading into short, tiered ruffles with a short, round train. Although I loved both of these looks, I felt that Tyla's would have been more flattering if the bodice wasn't cut quite so low and loose under the arms, which gives Carpenter just the tiniest edge.

Winner: Carpenter (barely)

Black and White: Olivia Dean vs. Molly Tuttle

The gowns featured similar silhouettes, with a simple, sleeveless bodice extending to the hip and a contrasting full skirt. Dean's Chanel gown had black sequins on the bodice, with black feathers that softened the border with the white taffeta skirt, which had a slightly raised hem in front and trailed into a train at the back. Tuttle's Winnie Couture gown featured a strapless white corset-seamed sweetheart bodice, and a full black tulle skirt, accessorized with black opera gloves. While both were lovely looks, Dean's gown had more personality due to the little details like the feathers, the train, and the raised hem, which revealed a peek of cute black-and-white pumps. 

Winner: Dean

Bikini/Skirt Combo: Zara Larsson vs. Rhea Raj
Larsson's custom two-piece sequined yellow brocade gown, designed by Kevin Germanier, featured a diagonal strap on the bodice and a straight skirt with a slightly curved waistline and a long hem that puddled around the dress. Raj's all-black ensemble featured a sequin bikini top with crystal embellishments over a drop-waisted skirt with a flared side opening topped with a crystal flower, and a sheer black attached cape. Raj's look felt very "casual beachwear"; her bikini top looked like a swimsuit and the wrap gave a "beach coverup" vibe, rather than feeling like formal red carpet wear. I loved the texture of Larsson's ensemble, and the strap was a nice touch that made the top look like a dressy top rather than a bra or swimsuit.  

Winner: Larsson

Sheer Wackiness: Andrea Echeverri vs. Audrey Nuna vs. Heidi Klum
Echeverri's self-designed outfit featured a full black tulle ankle-length skirt and a bodice and headpiece comprised a dozens of pendulous velvet breasts with prominent nipples, which on the headpiece were pierced and featured dangling crystals. The bodice also had long black mesh sleeves. Nuna wore custom Thom Browne (she has a longtime family connection to the brand) with a three-tiered white ruffled ankle-length skirt under a Picasso-inspired fantastical suitjacket with one long sleeve and one short puffed sleeve. Klum wore a nude molded latex knee-length dress by Marina Hoermanseder, which featured molded nipples and a belly button, as well as a row of buckles down each side. Although I appreciate Echeverri's "free the nip" statement, her outfit was silly; Nuna's outfit was a delightful fantasy rather than a silly one; and Klum's was just boring (plus she couldn't walk in it, never mind sit or pee).

Winner: Nuna

Wide Plunging Necklines: Addison Rae vs. Kara Craig
Rae wore a white sleeveless custom Alaia gown with a curved plunging neckline and a two-tiered ruffled ballerina skirt that came to a long point at the front of the gown. Craig's self-designed and constructed baby blue ensemble included a thigh-length tulle bubble skirt and a halter-style satin bodice, both embellished with fabric flowers, accessorized with a matching belt, fingerless blue satin opera gloves, a blue beret, and pink lace-up boots. I didn't love either of these looks, especially the pairing of the "cutesy" aesthetic with a very revealing bodice, but Rae's had more polish and formality to it, while Craig's, although cute, had the feel of a Pretty in Pink style thrifted makeover. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not right for the red carpet. 

Bare Naked Ladies: Chappell Roan vs. Teyana Taylor
Roan's daring look was custom-designed by Miguel Castro Freitas for Mugler, inspired by a look from Mugler's 1998 spring/summer collection. Her burgundy georgette gown comprised a sheer skirt with a long train that appeared to hang from her pierced nipples (although, unlike the original 1998 runway model, Roan apparently wore prosthetic nipples), and cowled slightly at the waist. Roan initially wore a sheer cape over the gown, allowing for a dramatic red carpet reveal. Taylor wore custom Tom Ford by Haider Ackermann, a bronze, crystal-embellished gown with a not-quite-halter bodice that joined the skirt at one hip, wrapped around the back of her neck, then ended just below the breast. The clingy skirt had a short all-around train. Both gowns were clearly designed to shock, but I found Taylor's to be more flattering. Although Roan is gorgeous, the combination of cowling at the waist and unsupported breasts (young and perky though they may be) creates a droopy look. A plunging bodice with tiny straps that covers only a tiny bit more but raises the draping at the waist would have worked much better (although, admittedly, caused less of a stir). Taylor's look, on the other hand, creates interesting lines, flatters her figure, and shows off those incredible abs without feeling like it's working too hard. 

Winner: Taylor

Big Poofy Train: Doechii vs. 
Rosé 
Doechii's custom Roberto Cavalli gown paired a burnt orange chiffon lace-up top above a fitted eggplant taffeta bodice and multi-tiered ruffled skirt with wide front opening, ending in a long (13 feet!), voluminous train.  Rosé wore a custom Giambattista Valli Haute Couture design with a fitted strapless black velvet minidress overlain with a wide swath of crushed white taffeta across the hips and a floor-length open-fronted white taffeta bubble skirt. Doechii's look felt heavy and unwieldy, and the burnt orange of the bodice looked out of place, while Rosé's look, although voluminous, felt light and airy and more visually balanced. 

Winner: Rosé  

All Feathers: Lady Gaga vs. Kesha
Gaga wore a custom black feather Matières Fécales mermaid halter with a high neck with flared extensions and a long side train. Kesha wore a white ostrich feather Atelier Biser off-the-shoulder gown with a thick top drape and a front train.  Although I loved the texture of Kesha's gown, the oversized shoulder detail created a distinct mushroom silhouette, and the front train was just impractical, while Gaga's stark lines and sharper feathers were gorgeous and dramatic. 

Winner: Gaga

Stylish Muumuu: Queen Latifah vs. Emma O'Halloran
Latifah's Stephane Rolland gown featured what might have been a black tuxedo underneath a voluminous sheer-but-not-really-sheer-because-there-was-too-much-of-it black cape. Her gold necklace and cuff bracelets were fantastic, but the cape covered up any interesting design that was going on under there. O'Halloran's loose-fitting iridescent silvery-white knee-length trapeze dress by Natalie B. Coleman featured a vertical front panel and gathered side and rear skirt. O'Halloran's dress was too snug at the bust and too loose at the waist, causing it to move and bunch awkwardly, and although the iridescence of the fabric was interesting, it looked cheap and poor-quality. Point to Latifah, because even though I couldn't see much of it, I know there was a better design under there than O'Halloran's. 

Winner: Latifah

Leather: Miley Cyrus vs. Nikki Glaser
Cyrus wore a custom Michael Rider for Celine design which included a white dress shirt, black satin balloon pants, a black leather motorcycle jacket with a hugely oversized gold brooch bearing her initials, and black motorcycle gloves. Glaser wore a black strapless leather-look latex gown with a "shelf" detail at the top of the bodice, a single shoulder drape, and a high side slit. Cyrus' look felt over-styled and busy, with too many competing details, especially in the jacket, with zipper, collar, button, and brooch details. Glaser's simpler design created visual interest through the fabric, gathering, and unusual bodice detail, which worked in harmony for an unusual and interesting look. 

Winner: Glaser

Disheveled Schoolgirl: Billie Eilish vs. Lola Young
Eilish wore a sustainable custom design by Ellen Hodakova Larsson which included an upside-down jacket and narrow skirt constructed from discarded wool dress pants, accented with multiple buckled and unbuckled belts, worn over a white dress shirt with a dark necktie. Young wore a Vivienne Westwood print jumpsuit over a wide-collared white dress shirt and red striped necktie. Like Cyrus, Eilish's look felt over-designed and over-styled to me, with the multiple layers covering up what looked like an interesting upcycled design. Young's look could have used a little more color, but on past red carpets she's been the one who over-accessorizes, so this is excellent sartorial progress for her, and I found the rubber ducks and dolls in the print to be whimsical and charming. 

Winner: Young

Sheerly Sheer: Karol G vs. JaNa Craig
G's blue-grey sheer lace gown, designed by Paolo Sebastian, featured a low, tightly-fitted bodice with dropped shoulder straps, a row of tiny buttons down the front to the thigh-high center slit, and a long train that G could gather over her arm, a feature that I really liked. The bodice was not well-fitted, however, and her bust looked ready to fall out of the dress with a single deep breath. Craig's black lace gown by Roman Bradshaw featured sheer panels as well as cutouts at the bodice front and below the bust. I'm not always a fan of sheer dresses with strategically placed opaque areas, but Craig's gown did a nice job of incorporating those areas into the design, and the overall silhouette was simply beautiful and graceful. It might have been a tougher decision if G's gown were better tailored, but as is, I definitely have to go with Craig. 

Winner: Craig  

Basic Beige: FKA twigs vs. Margot Price vs. Coco Jones 


FKA twigs wore a "deconstructed" beige and copper off-the-shoulder custom Paolo Carzana design with hand-painted details, with matching hand-painted nude hose worn over the shoes. Price wore a sleeveless beige Ivan Bitton Style House design by Fjolla Haxhismajli with a scoop neck, a long multi-tiered skirt with shredded ruffles and a front slit, extending into a train, and long narrow shredded pieces attached to the shoulders. Jones wore a Kristina K design featuring a part-sheer corset-style bodice with a single ruffled shoulder detail, a ruched microminiskirt, asymmetrical trailing tulle strips on both sides of the skirt, and large tulle rosettes at each hip. Jones' look is immediately out of the running for me, as it feels like a mishmash of unrelated details, but both other looks have a lot going for them, and only a minor fault or two. I don't love the trailing shoulder pieces on Price's dress, because they seemed to keep getting in her way without adding anything to the aesthetics of the look, and twigs' gown included a copper front panel that felt out of place as well as the over-the-foot stockings that reminded me of Olympic ice skaters. But when looking at the overall effect, I find twigs' look to be more interesting and memorable. 

Winner: twigs

Goth Girls: Maria Zardoya vs. Courtney LaPlante
Zardoya's sleeveless black velvet custom Alexander McQueen featured a gathered sheer lace bodice, cap sleeves, and a circular "Morticia Addams" style train, accessorized with black lace elbow-length gloves. Zardoya also carried a large crystal flower. LaPlante wore black faux leather pants under a high-necked sleeveless black textured tunic with longer-than-floor-length side panels. I loved the mix of femininity and toughness in the lace and sheer panels of Zardoya's look, and although LaPlante's is a good look, Zardoya's is the more dramatic and memorable.

Winner: Zardoya  

Asymmetrical Blue Satin: Ejae vs. Susan Holmes vs. Lila Iké 

Ejae wore a single-shouldered midnight blue Dior gown with a large gold "Dior" brooch encircled by tiny black velvet flowers at the shoulder, a long scarf crossing to the opposite shoulder and cascading over the back, and a structured extended hip detail creating a slit filled with a black lace panel with a scalloped edge and strings of black velvet blossoms. Holmes wore a strapless, asymmetrical column made of a liquid-look deep blue fabric with a structured, flared bodice that extended up at one shoulder and a large flat bow on the opposite hip. Iké wore a one-shouldered teal blue satin gown with gathering at the top of a hip-high slit and a short side train. The colors of all three gowns was lovely, but I loved the unusual but well-balanced and relatively subtle details on Ejae's gown, which made it the most memorable of the three. 

Winner: Ejae   

Humongous Headpieces: Rei Ami vs. Lachi
Rei Ami's feathery Guvanch gown and headpiece were inspired by the national flower of Korea, the Rose of Sharon (called "mugunghwa" in Korean). It combined a high-necked, sleeveless white woven leather bodice with a fringed leather skirt adorned with long feathers, a long feather fringe accent at the shoulder, and a headpiece of feathers forming several large flowers. Lachi wore a banana yellow satin ensemble of a sleeveless, high-necked, sequin top, a softly pleated satin skirt with a wide waistband,  ruffled floating sleeves, and a ruffled hat that looked like an oversized chef's toque. Both looks were dramatic, but Ami's felt more elegant and put-together.

Winner: Ami

Sending a Message: Deborah Silver vs. Joy Villa
Silver, who was nominated for her Count Basie album, paid tribute to the composer in a red custom Oscar Lopez column with long sleeves and a square neckline, the name of the album, BASIE ROCKS, written down the side of the skirt in black lettering, and a full over-skirt with black and silver embroidery with floral and musical motifs. Both the overskirt and the sleeves were trimmed with black feathers. Villa's self-designed outfit (under her Joy Villa Couture label) proclaimed her recent break with the Church of Scientology after 15 years, with the words "SCIENTOLOGY KILLS" and multicolored beaded inserts on the front of her electric blue unitard and "JESUS HEALS" on the back of her bubblegum pink fur coat, which was lined with pieces of paper listing the names of people with ties to Scientology. She topped off her outfit with a stunning cobalt blue stylized kettlebrim hat covered with deep pink and white roses. As much as I adored the hat, the rest of the outfit was not great. 

Winner: Silver

Jumpsuit: Roselilah vs. Samantha Fish
Roselilah wore a utilitarian-looking, baggy gray jumpsuit with large flap pockets  and straps at the wrists, shoulders, and waist. She also wore heavy black boots with one pantleg tucked in. Fish wore a custom Cat O'Nine strapless black satin jumpsuit with  sweetheart neckline, silver medallions running down the sides of the flared pants, and floating sleeves. Fish looked like she belonged on the red carpet; Roselilah looked like she belonged fixing a plane. 

Winner: Fish

Golden Glow: Karen Wazen Bakhazi vs. Queen Sheba vs. Keltie Knight
Bakhazi wore a sleek Nicolas Jebran halter with a short, structured peplum at the lower hip and a softly draped skirt. Sheba wore a gold floral frock with a wide v-neck and narrow straps, and a pleated tea-length skirt with an attached black half-skirt that trailed on the floor, accessorized with black elbow-length gloves and a narrow black belt. Knight wore a revealing one-shouldered Godoy design with a long narrow keyhole slit in the bodice, a triangular cutout over one hip, and a slit up to the waist, with a short train. The deep slit in Knight's skirt caused more than a few underwear reveals on the red carpet, and Sheba's dress would have been vastly better without the bulky black skirt extension, but Bakhazi's gown was sleek and interesting, relying on gorgeous fabric and a single striking detail to make it memorable. 

Winner: Bakhazi  

Oops, It's the Same Dress: Ledisi vs. Jasmine Simpkins
The two wore the same gown from the Vogue Couture Collection, designed by Fjolla Haxhismajli, which featured an off-the-shoulder sheath silhouette, copper and silver metallic fringed fabric, and a structured ruff at the top of the bodice that circled away from the shoulders. Both women have gorgeous figures and looked great in the gown, but I found the style to be set off better by Simpkins' long, sleek, off-the-face hairstyle rather than Ledisi's heavy bangs, which covered a lot of her face and made her head look too small in proportion to the dress. 

Winner: Simpkins


Denim: Jordan Tyson vs. Rebecca and Megan Lovell
Tyson's sleeveless pin-striped denim dress featured a v-neck, a pleated skirt with a thigh-high slit, and corset-style seaming at the waist. It was cute and flattering but too simple and casual for the red carpet. The Lovell sisters wore multi-color denim from head to toe, with one in an ankle-length medium-wash straight skirt with ruffled peplum, and combination darker and lighter wash bodice, accessorized with a self-belt and patchwork denim boots, while the other wore a shredded, light-blue bandeau with tiny white ribbon straps and a high-waisted full skirt in several washes of denim. The styles were fine, but it was a LOT of denim. But between these two looks, the Lovells' is closer to red carpet-appropriate (even though Tyson's is a look that I would personally wear, just not to a formal event).  

Winner: Lovells

Simply a Suit: Amanda Taylor vs. Angélique Kidjo vs. Reem Kanj 
Taylor (fun fact: She's local to me and teaches at Groton Hill Music School) wore a metallic floral slim-fit suit with no shirt but multiple delicate necklaces. Kidjo wore a burgundy velvet Louis Vuitton suit with flared trousers and a double-breasted jacket, topped with a matching headwrap and dark sunglasses. Kanj wore an oversized black suit with broad shoulders and overlong sleeves and wide-legged, overlong pants. I hated the fit of Kanj's suit, and I was very torn between Taylor's and Kidjo's looks, because they're both great, but I had to give the nod to Taylor because we've seen a lot more velvet tuxedos than cute metallic pantsuits on the red carpet of late.

Winner: Taylor

No Pants: Sia Arnuri vs. Cirie Fields vs. Dionne Harmon
Arnuri wore a custom Paolo Carzana and Slim Barrett black tuxedo jacket with crystal trim along the lapels and crystal Mardi Gras masks scattered over the jacket, accessorized with a crystal chain draping across her face, long crystal earrings, a pearl and silver brooch on one shoulder, and a red bindi-style vertical stripe above the bridge of her nose. Fields wore a blush peach satin double-breasted jacket accented with three-dimensional fabric flowers, worn over a visible crystal-trimmed bra. Harmon wore a black minidress with a deep v-neck and patch pockets echoing a tuxedo jacket design, accessorized with a heavy gold chain necklace and gold-tipped black pointy pumps. I wasn't in love with any of these looks, but I did like the color and floral accents on Fields' jacket better than the basic black of the other two. 

Winner: Fields 

Shiny Metallic Columns: Sussan Mourad vs. Gayle King vs. Alyssa Smith

Mourad wore a strapless metallic silver custom Maison Vemian sheath with a huge stylized rosette on the bodice. King wore a metallic gold Sergio Hudson halter with a high neck and a straight silhouette. Smith wore a strapless metallic gold column with a raised waist seam and minimal detailing. King's gown was pretty but did not fit her well, bunching across the crotch and under the bust, and showing a belly button dent, and Smith's was simply boring. 

Winner: Mourad 

Group Effort: Flo (left to right: Stella Quaresma, Renée Downer and Jorja Douglas) vs. Katseye (left to right: Yoonchae, Megan Skiendiel, Lara Raj, Daniela Avanzini, Sophia Laforteza, and Manon Bannerman) vs. HAIM (left to right: Este, Danielle, and Alana Haim)



The members of Flo wore similar cobalt blue Luar designs, with Quaresma in a black and blue beaded tank-style crop top and a drop-waisted blue column skirt with a matching wide black and blue beaded band across the top of the skirt; Downer in a black and blue beaded bandeau top and a blue skirt with fitted top panel with a slight v front and a fuller skirt starting at mid hip; and Douglas in a black and blue beaded bikini-style top with a draping blue skirt attached at the top of the bikini on both sides, with a deep side slit and a short rectangular train. The members of Katseye wore coordinated ivory lace and spangled silver gowns by Ludovic de Saint Sernin, with Yoonchae in a gown with a flared lace skirt with short train and a corset-style bodice with a strapless white leather top with lacing and silver grommets; Skiendiel in a strapless silver column with a thigh-high slit and grommet-studded leather detail at the bodice top; Raj in a flared lace halter with a high neck and broad keyhole in the bodice and grommeted leather bands at the waist; Avanzini in silver spangled bralette with silver grommets along the top and attached long lace skirt with gores at the ankle creating a slight mermaid silhouette; Laforteza in a silver spangled bralette with silver grommets along the top and criss-cross straps and a fitted floor-length skirt; and Bannerman in a lace halter gown with grommeted leather bands forming criss-cross straps at the neck and a basque waistline, and a skirt that flared just above the knee and formed a short train. The members of HAIM wore coordinating crystal-trimmed black satin Louis Vuitton designs, with Este in a straight tea-length skirt with crystal beading along the hem and edges of the thigh-high slit, paired with a bandeau-cut top with triple crystal straps; Danielle in an ankle-length slip dress with criss-cross crystal straps and crystal edging on the bodice and along the hem of the skirt; and Alana in the same skirt as Este and a narrower, more fitted bandeau top with crystal halter and shoulder straps. The three wore matching pointy black pumps. Although, all three sets were nicely coordinated while still allowing each design to be unique, I thought that Katseye did the best job of using the motifs of the grommeted leather bands and lace and silver spangle fabric to coordinate the looks without being too "matchy". 

Winner: Katseye






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