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Shortly after my husband and I were married, one of his uncles passed away. I forget who said it, but at the funeral service, someone made a comment along the lines of, "Losing someone creates a hole in your heart, but over time that hole is filled with wonderful memories, until finally there is no hole. But there will always be a scar."
Scars, to me, are signs of past pain, injury, or damage. They show that healing has happened, but they are a reminder of the hurt that created them. In a way, scars are the endpoint of both pain and healing: This is as good as it gets, as close to being returned to normal as is going to happen. Grief, on the other hand, is a sign of past love, of having loved and having been loved. It is the absence of joy, so there can be no grief without the joy that comes before it. The same way that healing leads to a scar, love and joy sometimes lead to grief. A scar shows healing that looks to the pain of the past; grief shows healing that looks to the joy of the past. But grief is not an endpoint, like a scar is. Grief is an ongoing process that leads away from the pain, and back to joy. A scar is always there as a reminder of the past, but there will come a point when the grief is gone but the joy remains. The focus is on the future, not the past.
Right now, looking to the future is full of grief, full of loss, full of profound sadness. And yet, I have hope that every day brings me closer to a future that is full of the joy and thankfulness of having been so well-loved, and loving so well.
Psalm 30 reminds me: "O Lord my God, I cried to you for help and you have healed me...Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. "
Tonight, I am weeping. But morning is coming, and with it, joy. And morning always comes.
