Thursday, September 8, 2011

Fuzzy Baby Heads

God knew what he was doing when He designed babies. Babies are very demanding. They require an awful lot of time and attention. They can be very loud. They extrude noxious substances from various orifices, often all at the same time. He needed to provide them with some endearing traits in order to make us, their parents, not want to abandon them at birth. So He gave them big eyes, and cute round faces, soft skin, and sweet rosebud lips. But perhaps best of all, He gave them Fuzzy Baby Heads.

My son Ryan had really good Fuzzy Baby Head as a newborn. In fact, Daddy would sometimes blow-dry his hair to give it its full, fuzzy-headed, Muppet glory:
Katie has even higher quality Fuzzy Baby Head, since she was also born with a good deal of hair, and at one month of age, it is already fairly long. But not only is Katie’s hair a bit finer than Ryan’s, she also has the advantage of having inherited the Riesen cowlicks, which means that even without blow-drying, she has several patches of hair that stick out and create a natural, endearing fuzziness:

And just in case that weren’t enough, she has very strong legs and likes to “swim” up the chest of whoever is holding her and nuzzle her Fuzzy Baby Head directly under the chin of her holder. And since when she’s fussy, she’s an even stronger swimmer, she has a built-in countermeasure for how upsetting it is to hold a fussy baby, because the best solution for the stress of holding a fussy baby is a good solid dose of Fuzzy Baby Head.

As the mother of an extremely high-energy almost-two-year-old and a one-month-old who still has her days and nights reversed, I am often sleep-deprived and somewhat stressed out. But I am saved from losing my mind, every single day, by a few doses of Fuzzy Baby Head. No matter how exhausted and stressed out I am, rubbing my face against that soft, sweet-smelling Fuzzy Baby Head relaxes me. It’s as if the fuzziness is a magnet for stress, so touching the fuzzy draws all the tension out of my system the way a magnet draws away iron filings.

I am convinced that if someone could figure out a way to package the magic of Fuzzy Baby Head, it could become a vessel for world peace. After all, who can resist Fuzzy Baby Head? I bet that even Adolf Hitler and Genghis Khan snuggled a Fuzzy Baby Head or two in their lives. And probably if they had snuggled a few more, the course of world history would have been somewhat different.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear a Fuzzy Baby Head calling my name. That call, unfortunately, is currently in the form of an unhappy, screaming baby. But it’s okay, because as long as the screaming is coming out of a Fuzzy Baby Head, we’ll both be fine.

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