His Children Are His Legacy

This week, I sent both of my children off to high school. I took the traditional "photos on the front steps" and posted them on Facebook like the proud mama that I am. Several friends commented on their resemblance to their late father. It reminded me, once again, that his three children are his legacy. 

I can claim no credit for his older daughter; she was 15 when we got married and living with her mom on the opposite coast. He had raised her for the majority of her childhood, though, so being a dad was a large part of his identity, and his influence showed in his daughter's personality and choices. She was smart, polite, ambitious, and confident. Getting to know her reassured me that this was a man that I wanted to have children with. 

As co-parents, we were a good team. He was more forceful and disciplined; I was more soft and nurturing. He taught them to deal with the practicalities of life; I taught them to be empathetic and compassionate with people. Together, we built a good foundation and taught them to be generous, kind, ambitious, respectful, and hard-working. They may still be young, but they are good people, and I am proud of who they've become. 

But the teenage years are difficult, and important, and parenting teens can be intimidating even with a partner, never mind without. I am aware that these are still formative years, and each of my choices will have an impact, even more so now that he is not here to balance me out. I feel the pressure of carrying on his legacy. 

Will I know how to guide them through the choices they will have to make over the next few years as they think about preparing for college, choosing a college and a major, and moving into their independent young adult years? Will I be able to give them the same wise advice he would have? Will I be as savvy about providing for their future, about giving them a solid financial foundation, about preparing them for life on their own? Will they be able to live up to his expectations? 

I don't know the answer to any of those questions, although I do know that the next few years will look and feel very different than they would have if he were still here. But he's not, so all I can do is continue to do my best to guide them into being the successful people I know they can be, to follow in their father's and their sister's footsteps. And when I'm not sure what the answer is, I can always ask them,. "What do you think Dad would do?" That's always a pretty good answer.