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Most parents have a hard time imagining their kids growing up; looking ahead to their next stage of development can be a little mind-boggling. When your baby can barely sit up, it's hard to picture him walking. On her first day of kindergarten, you know she'll eventually graduate from high school but that's too far in the future to imagine. When he takes that first wildly careening trip down the driveway on his tricycle, you try and fail to imagine him getting behind the wheel of a car for the first time.
That time, however, is here for me. This past February school vacation, my 16-year-old son took an intensive 5-day driving class, and a few weeks later, he took - and passed - the test for his learner's permit.
Which means that over the past few weeks, I have had the terrifying - but also exhilarating - privilege of taking him driving.
My family currently owns two vehicles: an 11-year-old minivan, which is solid, reliable, and scuffed up enough to not be a concern for a new driver to have the occasional "oops" in, but which is also big and a little unwieldy; and a 14-year old Volkswagen Passat sedan which is in surprisingly good condition, except that at the time my son got his permit, it had not been on the road for 9 months and had a seriously expired inspection sticker, and was also stinky and loud when you started it. We had hung onto the Passat with the intention of letting it be "his" car, especially while learning, so I made an appointment to get it inspected and repaired. But since he was eager to practice driving as soon as he got his permit, I gave him his first few lessons in the minivan.
We are fortunate to live right across the street from a public park with a parking lot at either end, so those were our initial practice areas. We began, of course, by adjusting the seat and mirrors - which was quite an adjustment, as he is a full 8 inches taller than I am - and by reviewing the controls, from the accelerator and brake pedals, to the speedometer and tachometer, to the turn signals, windshield wipers, parking brake, and headlights. And then, we were off!
Interestingly, his biggest struggle on that first day was controlling both pedals with his right foot. It seemed odd to me, until he explained that his only previous driving experience was in an ATV, where you brake with your left foot because at times you are pressing the accelerator while simultaneously letting up on the brake to avoid slipping. After a little practice, he got the hang of it, and we practiced driving in a "lane" and turning, especially straightening out after turning. We spent a couple of half-hour sessions working on turning, stopping, and pulling into and out of a parking space in those lots. I could tell he was still feeling a bit uncomfortable, so for our next session, I took him to a larger parking lot on the other side of town that had been recommended by his classroom driving instructor as a good practice location. Once we were able to get a little more speed going, he got a better feel for things.
But everything really started to click for him once I got the sedan inspected and he was able to practice on a smaller car. After a few circuits of the nearby parking lot, he was eager to get on a "real road." I agreed that he was ready, so we drove in a loop down our very quiet road, onto Main Street for just a few hundred feet, then turned onto another (somewhat winding) side street, which eventually led to another major road, which led back to Main Street via a large intersection with a traffic light, then back home. He did a great job making left and right turns, remembering to signal, stopping completely at stop signs, managing confusing traffic lights, and waiting for appropriate breaks in traffic before turning. When we finished the loop, I praised him for doing a great job and asked if he wanted to do the circuit again. With a little smirk, he asked, "Can I drive to Dunk's?" OF COURSE YOU CAN DRIVE TO DUNKS, WHY IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION? (Sorry, I am a noted Dunks addict.)
Once again, he navigated weird traffic signals and found gaps in traffic, watched for other vehicles, remembered to use his turn signals, and pulled neatly into a parking space. Then he turned to me and asked, "Can we get something?" OF COURSE WE CAN GET SOMETHING, THAT'S WHY WE CAME! (Again, noted Dunks addict.) I sprang for a giant box of Munchkins. (Me: "How many should we get? Your sister and I would both like a couple." Him: "Box of 50?" Me: "Don't you think that's a little excessive?!?" Him: "Seriously, Mom? I can knock back a box of 25 all by myself." Me: *orders a box of 50*)
Honestly, I'm not surprised that he's a reasonable driver. He's always been a little cautious, someone who thinks before he acts, and who evaluates a situation before wading in, so it's no surprise that he's not a daredevil driver who burns rubber at every stop sign. His caution, however, is not a lack of confidence, but rather a source of confidence. He's not afraid of doing something stupid, because he's planned ahead and prepared himself so he won't do something stupid.
And because of his confidence, I'm also confident. I admit that I expected to be terrified of the responsibility of teaching a teenager to drive. My husband and I had often joked that the whole "teaching the kids to drive" thing would be completely his responsibility, because I would be a basket case trying to do it. Well, it turned out that it's completely my responsibility after all. And I...well, I don't suck at it. I'm calm and reassuring, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of coaching without scolding. I don't push my foot against an imaginary brake pedal or brace myself against the dashboard, like my mom sometimes did when I was a new driver. (I won't offer any speculation as to whether that reaction was due to my driving skills or my mom's personality.) I do try to offer helpful hints that I learned as a new driver, like putting on your turn signal two telephone poles ahead of the turn, or using the acronym "SMOG" to remember to "Signal, Mirrors, Over the shoulder, Go" when changing lanes, or telling him "point of no return" when approaching a traffic light (I have no idea what the rule for that is; I just instinctively know it after 40+ years of driving).
You could say that we're learning together, he and I: he's learning to take control, and I'm learning to let it go. And we're both learning to trust that the other one might - just might - know what they're doing.
Even if he still looks like this in my mind's eye.
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