Oscar Fashion 2012

The red carpet fashions at the Academy Awards this year were, much like the awards ceremony itself, memorable only in being unmemorable. There were no over-the-top dresses, no cutting edge styles teetering between the ridiculous and the sublime. Where was Helena Bonham Carter in her mismatched shoes? Bjork with a fake dead swan draped around her neck? Lady Gaga in a dress made of bacon? Yes, there were some lovely fashions, but nothing that hasn’t been done before – and better, or at least more dramatically.

In fact, instead of merely rating the hits and misses as I did with the Golden Globes earlier in the year, I want to compare this year’s red carpet to red carpets of Oscars past, to remind us all of who did it before and who did it better.

 Showing Skin

There weren’t a lot of overly-revealing fashions this year, and Jennifer Lopez definitely was at the forefront of the double-stick tape contingent in this sartorial concoction, which could have been improved if the modesty panels on the shoulders didn’t keep wrinkling up like sagging pantyhose.

But when it comes to an avant garde, memorable showing of skin, the award definitely goes to Cher for her legendary Bob Mackie spiderweb gown from 1986.

Or, for sheer beauty and subtlety of showing skin, how about Halle Berry’s elegant 2002 peekaboo gown with the strategically placed hand-painted flowers?

Looking Like Oscar

Several attendees this year wore lovely gold gowns reminiscent of Oscar himself. Stacy Kiebler managed to be noticeable even on the arm of George Clooney in this draped column with a giant rosette on the hip and a subtle puddle of a train:

Best Actress winner Meryl Streep took gold lame in a very different direction in this wrap dress with a plunging but age-appropriate and flattering neckline.

Both of these gowns are lovely, but no-one will remember them a few years down the road. But I bet most of us remember Lizzy Gardiner’s (who? I have no idea, either – but I remember her gown) sheath dress made entirely of gold American Express cards.

Maybe not the most beautiful dress that ever graced a red carpet, but it’s creative, it’s interesting, and it makes a statement.

 Plunging Necklines

Both Jennifer Lopez and Meryl Streep wore lovely gowns with plunging necklines, but Elizabeth Taylor did it first – and better – in 1962:

Basic Black

Judy Greer (who?) chose a very simple, basic black gown with a metallic insert down the center. Pretty, flattering, and showing off a lovely figure, it still pales in comparison to Julia Roberts’ similar gown from 2001.

Basic Blue

I’m not generally a fan of Penelope Cruz’s looks or style, but she was at the top of my ”well done” list last night in an understated, old Hollywood glamour gown, a soft, marcelled bob, and subtle makeup and jewelry.

But even so, the styles of the Golden Age of Hollywood are best carried off by those who created the Golden Age, including the divine Grace Kelly, who won a statuette in this elegant blue gown in 1955.

Fantastic Flops

We all enjoy seeing gorgeous gowns on the red carpet, but let’s admit it: we love the spectacular disasters even more. As the saying goes, “If you must sin, sin boldly.” And there have been some very bold fashion sins over the years. The top of the list has got to be Bjork’s infamous swan dress from 2001:

Or how about Demi Moore’s self-designed biker shorts in 1989?

Or Tilda Swinton’s one-armed oddity from 2008?

Sometimes even a celebrity known for her spectacular gowns has a spectacular disaster, like Gwyneth Paltrow’s unsupported shapeless dress from 2002 or Uma Thurman’s frothy white mess from 2004:

These ladies all missed the mark, but at least they took a risk with a bold fashion choice. This year’s celebrities played it safe and didn’t give themselves a chance to succeed spectacularly because they didn’t risk failing spectacularly.

Most Improved

I do want to call out a few actresses who stood out a bit in the dull crowd this year. The above-mentioned Penelope Cruz was my favorite of the night, but the actress who caught my eye was Melissa McCarthy, for being most improved over her Golden Globes gown. Some of you may recall my Golden Globes blog, where I scolded her stylist for putting her in this unflattering sack:

Apparently she took my advice because she shone in a much prettier and more flattering gown last night, with a more elegant and flattering hairstyle to go with it.

Meryl Streep also gets credit for improving her look over the Globes, where she donned this cowboy travesty (pockets, Meryl? Really? POCKETS??!!??):

A few actresses get a couple of lashes with a wet noodle for dressing better at the Globes than at the Oscars, most notably Emma Stone, who went from this beautiful, flattering gown:

To this gorgeously colored but ultimately overwhelming dress:

Note to all starlets: When people notice your gown and not you, it’s not a success.

Even the dog from “The Artist” knew to up the ante from the Globes to the Oscars by adding a bit of bling:

The bottom line from this year’s Oscars, in my opinion, is that it was a year for playing it safe. There were no spectacular flameouts, but no spectacular successes, either. Let’s hope that next year a few more celebrities decide to take some fashion risks. After all, fashion is what the Oscars are all about, right?

Technology Is a Mom's Best Friend

This may not seem directly related to motherhood, but last night I watched the Academy Awards. If I didn’t have a small child, I might have been watching at a friend’s house, or we might have invited some friends to watch at our house. But rather than pay a babysitter (and also because my husband doesn’t actually care about awards shows), I sat in the basement at my computer with the TV on and discussed the show with friends across the world.

Yes, literally across the world. I posted comments on Facebook, where I exchanged remarks with friends down the street, across the country, over the border to the north, and across the Atlantic Ocean. I posted comments on a message board I frequent that has members not only all over North America, but in England, Australia, Switzerland, and other countries all over the world. Due to the magic of technology, they were all able to watch the show at the same time as I was watching it. It was like being part of an Oscar party made up of some of the funniest people on earth. (I’m thinking of nominating a few of them as hosts for next year’s awards show.)

We began the festivities even before the actual awards show, of course, with a critique of the red carpet: the gowns, the interviews, the interviewers…which actresses were aging gracefully (Annette Bening and Helen Mirren), who should fire her hairdresser (Scarlett Johannsen), which celebrities have the cutest moms (Anne Hathaway and Russell Brand, of all people), whose beard looked like a defunct beaver (Christian Bale), which young celebrities dressed most age-appropriately (Hailee Steinfeld – cute as a button!!), who was most in danger of a wardrobe malfunction (Mila Kunis and Jennifer Hudson), how disappointed we were that Helena Bonham Carter looked vaguely normal (and wore matching shoes), and what on earth Cate Blanchett must have done to piss off her stylist so badly.

And then we got into the comments on the show itself. The first question, of course, was what kind of drugs James Franco was on that made him so unable to look at the correct camera. And the second was, did Anne Hathaway really just make her first costume (and hairstyle) change only ten minutes into the ceremony and also how much does that dress WEIGH??? Over the course of the evening, we found ourselves explaining to each other who Banksy was (the joke still wasn’t funny after we understood), sharing the information that Trevor Reznor was in the rock group Nine Inch Nails, expressing astonishment that Christian Bale totally blanked on HIS OWN WIFE’S NAME, agreeing that not many of us could ever bring ourselves to watch the movie “127 Days”, and cheering on Colin Firth for giving the most humble and charming acceptance speech of the evening.

By the time the show was over, I felt like I had spent the evening with good friends who enjoyed sharing opinions and making each other laugh. And in fact, I had, even though many of those friends I have never even met. Such is the amazing power of technology.

As a stay-at-home mom, that technology keeps me connected to the world in a way I never could have been twenty or thirty years ago. I have a cell phone, Facebook, e-mail, instant messaging, text messaging, and message boards to put me in contact with other human beings. My mom had…the phone. And if the friend she was calling was out shopping or in the backyard, she was out of luck. There was no voicemail, no answering machines. She just waited and called back later. If I call a friend and she’s out shopping or in the backyard, she has her cell phone with her anyway. And if she doesn’t answer for some bizarre reason, I can leave her a voice mail or send her a quick text. I can always connect to someone, somehow.

There are certainly times when technology can be annoying, when people constantly yapping on their cell phones or teenagers clicking away texting in the middle of a restaurant drives me absolutely bonkers. But for the most part, I appreciate how it keeps me in the loop. After all, without technology, how would I be writing this for you right now?