Staples Got It Right, or, It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

You remember this commercial, don't you? The first time you heard it, I'm sure you wondered why the TV was playing Christmas music in August (or, more likely, July). But then you watched this exuberant dad riding through the aisles of Staples on his shopping cart, happily buying back-to-school supplies for his stonefaced children to the refrain of the Christmas song, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." The clear implication being, of course, that parents see the first day of school as being even more wonderful than Christmas.

I got it, but I never REALLY got it until this year, when I actually WILL be sending both my children off to school at 8am on Tuesday, August 30th. (And yes, I do know exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it is until then.)

Don't get me wrong: I love my kids, and I love spending time with them. But after nearly 7 years of stay-at-home parenthood, I need a break. THEY need a break. Sure, they've gone to nursery school and gymnastics and dance classes and playdates and all kinds of other activities that have gotten them out of the house and listening to other adults besides me. But there's something different about school.

I think it's because school is an unavoidable, long-term commitment. Nursery school lasts for only two or three years; kids may eventually lose interest in gymnastics and dance or turn to other interests; playdates and friends will change over time. But school will take up the majority of their time and focus for the next 13 years. How they perform over those 13 years will shape their futures.

It's a pretty big deal.

I will no longer be the primary educator and disciplinarian in their lives. From 8am until 3pm every weekday, someone else will make and enforce the rules. They will have multiple new authority figures who are not Mom or Dad. That is a huge change for them and for me.

I'm confident that they'll deal well with the change. I've given them a solid base of self-confidence, personal skills, and curiosity which should serve them well in a school setting. They have respect for authority, interest in learning, and a friendly outlook. I've spent the past 5+ years preparing them for this moment.

But no-one's been preparing me.

For the past 7 years, a huge part of my identity has been being a stay-at-home parent. My JOB was to be a parent. And I was on call 24/7 at that job. Yes, I have an awesome co-worker, but he has a full-time job of his own, so I was the primary on this job. And my hours have suddenly been slashed. I'm still pretty important, but I suddenly find myself with unassigned time to be filled. And I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

Maybe I'll get a job outside the home. Maybe I'll find work I can do from home. Maybe I'll finally write that best-seller that my husband is convinced I have inside me. I just don't know. It's a little terrifying, but it's also a little exciting.

And it's very definitely the most wonderful time of the year.

Mental Health Day for Moms

There are very few things that I miss about being in the "working world": I don't miss the commute, or the politics, or the meetings, or the difficult clients, or the difficult bosses. I DO miss the paycheck. But most of all, right now, I miss the ability to take a mental health day now and then.

I didn't take mental health days often when  was working, but there were times when I absolutely needed to give myself a brief pause, a one-day respite from the pressures of what I did all day long. I never abused the privilege, and I'm certain that I was more productive because of those moments I took to take a figurative breath and gather myself.

But as a stay-at-home parent, I don't get mental health days often.

Let me say, first thing, that my husband is AWESOME about giving me those days whenever he can. He often comes home from work, takes one look at my face, and offers to take us out for supper so I don't have to cook. He even offers to take the kids without me so I can have a few hours to myself. On weekends, he'll take the kids for the whole day if I ask him to. But sometimes I find myself having a spontaneous mental meltdown in the middle of the day when he's at work, or on a day when he's not around.

Today is one of those days.

A lot of my acquaintances are probably surprised to hear this. On the surface, I seem to come off as a capable, competent parent. (So people tell me, anyway.) And at a certain level, I am. But there are other levels when I just fail at adulting. I fail at balancing my commitment to my kids with my commitment to my husband with my commitment to my multiple volunteer positions. Sometimes, I flat out drop the ball. And today, the ball is rolling, rolling far away, rolling out of my reach.

And today, I'm just going to let it go.

I'm going to do the absolute minimum I can to keep myself and my children fed and dressed and alive. I'm going to do my best to let go of all the other projects on my plate, just for today. I'm not going to stress over getting my next column written, I'm not going to the fabric store to search for that costume pattern I need, I'm not searching my house for that missing library book or that folder of music I know are both around here somewhere. I'm not going to color my hair. I'm not going to plan the dinner menu for the rest of the week. I'm not looking at my "to do" checklist for the big event I'm helping plan next month.

I'm just going to take a few deep breaths.

And tomorrow, I'll jump back into the trenches, ready to take on those projects again. Hopefully, with more energy, more focus, and more confidence.

In the words of Frasier Crane, I wish you all good mental health. Even if it means taking a mental health day from whatever you do.