The Drop-Off

When I first saw the movie "Finding Nemo" when it came out in 2003, I loved it. But I didn't get it completely, because I didn't have kids yet. I understood it on a "head" level, but not quite on a "heart" level. Now that I am a mom, it touches me in a different way emotionally, especially because I am definitely a Marlin kind of parent. I have to work really hard to not be a helicopter mom, and to allow my children to try some things that are difficult or even dangerous. I see myself completely in the "drop-off" scene:

I understand how Marlin felt when his little one first encountered the "drop-off", because that's how I feel now that MY (not so) little ones have encountered the drop-off.

No, I haven't sent my kids deep sea diving, but I have begun to take them places and...leave them there. Instead of bring them to friends' birthday parties and hanging at the back of the room with the other parents, or sitting up in the observation room during gymnastics class, or watching the closed-circuit TV during dance class, I drop them off. I take them somewhere, and then I go somewhere else.

It's definitely a bigger step for me than it is for them.

Yesterday I dropped my son off at gymnastics, and I didn't even go inside with him. He just hopped out of the car with barely a glance back. (He did toss off a request over his shoulder that I come back a few minutes before the end of class and come inside to see what he was doing, which I think helped us both feel better.) My daughter joined the Girl Scouts is about to start having monthly Daisy meetings after school where I won't even see her from the bus stop goodbye in the morning until nearly dinner time. Speaking of the bus stop, on days when she stays after school, I don't even have to meet my son at the bus stop.

It's kind of a weird feeling, but it's also very freeing. My kids are old enough, responsible enough, well-behaved enough (I hope) to manage their activities on their own. It's funny, because when I was their age, my mom didn't think twice about not being home when I got home from school - I had a house key and I was perfectly capable of letting myself in and making myself a snack. I'd even go down the street to play with friends or go ride my bike in a nearby empty parking lot; the only requirement was to leave mom a note letting her know where I was. That's not really the norm any more, at least not where I live. The last time my daughter rode her bike without a parent right next to her, the cops showed up at our door, thanks to a well-meaning but ridiculously over-protective neighbor. So I want to actively seek out opportunities for my kids to be independent. I don't want them to feel like they need Mom there. I want them to know that I trust them to make their own decisions.

I want them to touch the butt.

After all, it turned out to be an amazing adventure, for Nemo and for Marlin.