Red Carpet Review: The 2014 Golden Globes

The gowns at this year’s Golden Globes, as is often the case at awards shows, tended to follow one of several trends. Some of the trends are true classics (basic black and black-and-white), some have been around for a few seasons (striking solid colors and lots of volume), and some are quite recent (two-toned gowns and metallic fabrics). For this review, I have grouped the gowns by category and have chosen a winner and a loser for each group.

The Category: Sheer Volume

The Nominees: Sofia Vergara, Juliana Margulies, Michelle Dockery, Caitlin Fitzgerald, Guiliana Rancic, Sandra Bullock

The Review: The simplicity of Vergara’s solid black gown (relieved only by a striking turquoise necklace) helped to balance its volume, while Margulies’ gown’s plunging neckline looked out of balance with the weight of her gilt-trimmed skirt. Dockery’s gown somehow looked light despite its volume, while Fitzgerald’s appeared unwieldy and stiffly draped despite its apparently lighter-weight fabric. Rancic’s gown was more in balance with itself, but as is often the case with her tiny frame, it seemed disproportionately large for her. Bullock’s gown managed its own volume nicely but the pale pink bodice and hem lining and baby blue swath at the bottom of the skirt just didn’t work.

The Winner: Sofia Vergara, for making it work (by just a hair over Michelle Dockery).

The Loser: Caitlin Fitzgerald, for looking like a flight attendant in formalwear.

The Category: Striking Colors

The Nominees: Taylor Schilling, Helen Mirren, Lena Dunham, Melissa Rauch, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Lupita Nyong’o, Emma Watson, Reese Witherspoon, Kristin Chenoweth, Ariel Winter, Jessica Lange

The Review: Wearing a bold, striking, solid-colored gown takes nerves of steel. If you’re the only one wearing that color, it will get you noticed. If someone else is wearing it, it will get you compared, and not necessarily favorably. Age triumphed over youth in the battle between striking deep sea-green columns as Mirren’s textured lace and curves won out over Schilling’s drooping bodice and overly-straight silhouette. Dunham’s canary yellow was a vast improvement over her past awards gowns (see  http://sandysmotherhoodblog.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-2013-emmy-awards-red-carpet-review.html and http://sandysmotherhoodblog.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-2013-golden-globes-red-carpet-review.html) but paled (figuratively if not literally) beside Rauch’s better-proportioned and more well-fitting although strikingly similar gown. Louis-Dreyfus, Nyong’o, and Watson wore gowns that shared little other than their deep coral hue. Louis-Dreyfus’ was simple and classic, Nyong’o’s was geometric and tailored, and Watson’s stole the show with its demure front and revealing yet boyish back. The bodice of Witherspoon’s snug blue column was a bit too evocative of a bathing suit but its smooth silhouette gave it an edge over Chenoweth’s long-sleeved blue column that came off as matronly instead of striking. And youth won out over age in the battle of the plums, as Winter’s gathered satin set off her own beautiful coloring, unlike Lange’s scoop-necked, cap-sleeved velvet.

The Winner: Helen Mirren, for picking a dress that is stunningly, uniquely, and flatteringly HER.

The Loser: Lena Dunham, for improving so much but still missing the mark.

The Category: Two-tone

The Nominees: Amy Adams, Taylor Swift, Julie Bowen

The Review: Adams’ gown featured coordinating shades of deep red, Swift’s was contrasting black and deep pink but in the same heavy satin, and Bowen’s had a red velvet bodice and a purple satin skirt. Bowen’s was best proportioned, with Swift’s wide sash making her look rather short-waisted (which, since her legs are already 8 feet long, was not a good choice) and Adams’ mid-seam falling too high to be at the natural waistline but too low to be an empire waist. But even its lovely lines couldn’t compensate for Bowen’s gown's squared-off shoulders and clashing colors.

The Winner: Amy Adams, for evoking her nomination without looking too disco.

The Loser: Julie Bowen, for ever putting those colors together.

The Category: Black and White

The Nominees: Zoe Saldana, Julia Roberts, Jennifer Lawrence, Heidi Klum, Hayden Panettiere, Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Laura Carmichael, Allison Williams, Jacqueline Bissett

The Review: The black-and-white contingent covered multiple styles, from floral embellishments (Saldana, Klum, Dewan-Tatum) to stark geometrics (Carmichael, Panettiere, Williams) to simple horizontal lines (Lawrence, Roberts) to 1980s prom (Bissett). Saldana’s dress had great details like a see-through hem insert, unusual beading, interesting geometric lines, and an arched ribbon across the bodice that followed the line of the draped straps, but there were just a few TOO many details. Roberts’ was crisp and flattering but a bit too blah, much like Lawrence’s. Carmichael’s was stunning but could have used a line of black piping at the gracefully-shaped neckline to avoid having it blend in to her pale skin, and Williams needed a bit more visual interest than the unexpected cross-shoulder strap. Klum’s dress sported a lovely silhouette and a beautiful see-through train but somehow still looked bland. Panettiere’s dress demonstrated the perfect relationship of angled lines and a curvy figure. Bissett’s dress was just too dated, too youthful, and too reminiscent of a Wagnerian soprano in a Viking helmet.

The Winner: Dewan-Tatum, for feminine yet striking lines and the perfect pop of bright lips. (Panettiere could have taken the category with a better hairstyle - or possibly just a shampoo.)

The Loser: Jacqueline Bissett, for bringing back the 80s in a BAD way.

The Category: Basic Black

The Nominees: Uma Thurman, Megan Mullaly, Emma Roberts, Jessica Chastain, Amy Poehler, Melissa McCarthy, Cate Blanchett

The Review: Thurman looked tall and regal in a beaded halter and an artistically draped, subtly spangled train. Mullaly’s hipster glasses and odd hairstyle thankfully distracted from dropped sleeves that looked like they belonged on a graduation gown. Roberts’ sleek gown hugged and flared in all the right places although the angled straps made her shoulders look very wide. Chastain opted for her usual form-fitting to the knees then slightly flared silhouette, with a diamond necklace that hung over her shoulders rather than around her neck, and yet another slicked-back, unwashed-looking hairstyle. Poehler’s asymmetrical keyhole wrap bodice could have used a bit more support but was still cute-sexy, and McCarthy is apparently back with the stylist who hates her (the fabric of the gown and the drape are gorgeous, but the cut is doing her no favors), and obviously her hairdresser now hates her as well (at first glance, I actually thought she was holding a hairbrush and a curling iron in her right hand in this photo, but unfortunately I was wrong). The back of Blanchett’s gown featured a daring and very revealing diamond-shaped cutout, but the clingy lace at the sleeves and neck combined with the flaring of the skirt at a strange height made it a disappointing choice overall.

The Winner: Thurman, hands down (although with a better hairstyle, Jessica Chastain might have given her a run for her money).

The Loser: Mullaly, for either the hair or the sleeves, you take your pick.

The Category: Silver Storm

The Nominees: Mila Kunis, Kate Beckinsale, Emilia Clarke, Naomi Watts, Sarah Paulson, Kate Mara

The Review: Kunis’ metallic silver bodice faded to soft gray in the skirt; Beckinsale’s art deco mermaid gown was a dark, burnished silver; Clarke’s dress was encrusted with silver spangles; Watts rocked a smooth, pale silver sheath; Paulson was drowning in tired-looking silver fringe; and Mara’s stiff space fantasy-inspired cap sleeves contrasted oddly with her gown’s soft Grecian draping. The most flattering silhouettes belonged to Kunis, Beckinsale, and Clarke.

The Winner: Beckinsale, for a gown that looked just as beautiful in motion as it does in still photos.

The Loser: Paulson, for whatever it was she was thinking when she chose that dress.

The Category: Ruffles and Bows

The Nominees: Paula Patton, Edie Falco, Berenice Bejo, Anna Gunn, Greta Gerwig

The Review: Ruffles and bows can be flattering and feminine, but they can also be overwhelming, as was the case with Patton’s giant white ruffle (which was not quite the same shade of white as her dress). Falco’s oversized bow was balanced by the simplicity of her bias-cut copper silk dress. With the clumps of lumpy ruffles, Bejo’s fitted jacket and flowing train had lovely lines. Gunn’s train, made of a single giant bow, accented the simple but lovely lines of her gown. And Gerwig's overly ruffled black gown was just a travesty of tulle.

The Winner: Gunn, for somehow making a white satin sheath with a giant bow in the back NOT look like a wedding gown.  

The Loser: Patton, for being devoured by her own clothes.

The Category: Maternity Chic

The Nominees: Kerry Washington, Olivia Wilde, Drew Barrymore

The Review: Washington chose the Globes to announce her pregnancy with a barely noticeable baby bump framed by a flared white vest; Wilde proudly showed off her growing belly in a deep green, spangled, form-fitting sheath; Barrymore’s white chiffon dress was covered in orange and red…pom poms? flower petals? miniature Christmas ornaments? I’m not sure what they were but she was so adorably glowing that it didn’t matter what she was wearing.

The Winner: All three of these ladies were winners last night! May their babies be as beautiful (and as talented) as they are.

Parenthood Changes Your Life

We are all told, over and over, all our lives long, that becoming a parent completely changes your life. And it is absolutely true. It is also absolutely true that until you become a parent, you cannot possibly conceive of the breadth and depth of that statement. Parenthood changes who you are as a person, how you view life, what you think about the world around you. But it also changes your daily routine. Well, obviously it changes your routine. But no-one ever tells you the sorts of changes it makes, changes that you don’t really expect. Changes in everything from what you eat, to what you wear, to how you spend your time.

I am going to break that century-old pact of silence that experienced parents have apparently made with each other in order to ensure the continued existence of the human species and just hope that babies are cute enough that some people decide to have them in spite of these changes. Here are just a few of the ways your life changes when you have kids that they don't write about in parenting books.

MORNING ROUTINE THEN: Long shower, leisurely blow dry, curl or straighten hair, brush teeth, moisturize, deodorant, careful wardrobe selection from closet, makeup, leisurely cup of coffee while reading newspaper.

MORNING ROUTINE NOW: (Good Day) Brush teeth, brush hair, throw on something from the hamper that still passes the sniff test, three sips of coffee which will be finished later in the afternoon. (Bad Day) Three sips of coffee which will be finished later in the afternoon.

LUNCH THEN: Takeout Thai or Indian food, eaten at your desk.

LUNCH NOW: Peanut butter sandwich crusts, leftover mac and cheese, and slightly browned apple slices, eaten standing over the sink.

MUST-HAVE LAUNDRY PRODUCTS THEN: Woollite and the number of a good dry cleaner.

MUST HAVE LAUNDRY PRODUCTS NOW: Tide Pen and large economy size bottles of Oxyclean.

FREE TIME ROUTINE THEN: Exercise, reading, dinner or drinks with friends, movie, concert, theater performance.

FREE TIME ROUTINE NOW: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. But seriously, laundry.

TV WATCHING THEN: 24, Law & Order, CSI, Desperate Housewives (oh, the irony), SNL.

TV WATCHING NOW: Sesame Street, Caillou, The Cat in the Hat, Peg + Cat, Transformers, Paw Patrol, Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, Team Umizoomi, Yo Gabba Gabba, Downton Abbey. (The kids DO go to bed eventually, after all. Well, most of the time.)

DATE NIGHT THEN: Fancy restaurant (anyplace with a French name, valet parking, or involving the word “Bistro”); elegant clothes; conversation revolving around current events, politics, and the latest movies.

DATE NIGHT NOW: Restaurant (anyplace that serves food on actual plates – actually, anyplace that serves food; if it’s a birthday or anniversary, anyplace that serves alcohol); reasonably clean clothes; conversation revolving around children and their bodily functions.

SLEEP THEN: Quiet bedtime conversation with spouse followed by peacefully drifting off to sleep in blissful silence; waking 7 to 8 hours later to the gentle sound of a bedside alarm clock.

SLEEP NOW: Fall exhausted into bed after finishing household chores neglected for several days; immediately fall into ugly snores involving drooling; wake up half an hour later to sound of small child yelling for no apparent reason, trudge into child’s bedroom, offer glass of water, blearily pat child’s back for half an hour until child peacefully drifts into slumber; fall asleep again but wake 2 hours later recalling that child’s preschool has requested food pantry donation and diorama of the Civil War made with only pasta, toothpicks, and Elmer’s glue due at 8:00am; get up and make noodle diorama; grab random collection of non-perishable items from back of cabinet (check expiration dates; return expired items to cabinet); start back to bed but realize children will be awake in 15 minutes; brew coffee, take three sips before children come racing downstairs demanding breakfast, abandon coffee until afternoon.

So there you have it: the truth about how your life changes when you become a parent. But before you make an appointment to have your reproductive tubes tied or snipped or otherwise incapacitated, let me add one more then/now comparison.

STUFF YOU LOOKED FORWARD TO THEN: Promotion, pay day, vacation.

STUFF YOU LOOK FORWARD TO NOW: Hearing your kid read an entire book on his own for the very first time; watching your kid struggle to master a new skill and grin excitedly when he does; seeing the joy on your child’s face as she tells you the awesome stuff that happened at school today; watching your kid’s first concert/recital/soccer game/gymnastics meet/school play; goodnight hugs and kisses; the magic words, “Mama, LOOK!”; the even more magic words, “Mama, I love you.”

All in all, it’s a pretty fair trade. 

Photographic Evidence

I received so many comments on the photo of my kids that I included with yesterday’s blog entry that I feel the need to address them today. Yes, my kids are very cute. Yes, they are also quite photogenic. (They get that from their father, as evidenced by nearly every photo of me ever taken.) But even so, it is not exactly a walk in the park to get a photo of them as adorable as this one:

Let me share a bit of backstory on this photo. As well as these two cherubs, I have a young adult stepdaughter who, along with being a full-time college student, is a member of the Army Reserves, works two jobs, and splits her free time among family and friends all over the country. Needless to say, it is a rare occurrence to get our entire family in the same place at the same time. So when she joined us on our Christmas vacation, we took advantage of the chance of getting a complete family photo. Conveniently, we spent our vacation on a cruise ship, which, as anyone who has ever taken a cruise can attest, is a synonym for “photo opportunity.” With professional photographers lurking around every corner, formal and semi-formal dress opportunities left and right, and gorgeous backdrops everywhere you look, it would be easy-peasy to get a beautiful family portrait, right?

Ha.

Trying to get two small children to look in the general direction of a photographer while smiling and maintaining a relatively humanoid posture is a difficult task under any circumstances, never mind when they are wearing uncomfortable clothes, have been overstimulated all day, are hungry for supper, and when random Disney characters might walk by at any time. “Distracted” and/or “crying” is usually the order of the day. Sometimes, they split it up so one child is distracted while the other is crying.

Sometimes they’re both distracted.

Sometimes they’re both…well, let’s go with “not smiling.”

Sometimes they're both smiling but there’s just a certain lack of sincerity.

Sometimes they’re both looking in the right direction and smiling but somebody blinks.

Sometimes someone’s hamming it up but not quite in the way the photographer intended.

Sometimes someone just gives up entirely.

Sometimes just when you get that one back into place, the other one gives up.

Sometimes the subject is too busy trying to steal a wand from the backdrop.

Sometimes the subject decides to make a break for it before the session is over.

But every once in a while, the stars align and you get something as wonderful as this.

And that's why we just keep snapping away!

I am the Best of Moms; I am the Worst of Moms

Tonight, I made my son cry. No, not cry, sob. No, not sob, HOWL. Seriously, I think our neighbors down the street were wondering why the coyotes were out in January. But it wasn’t really my fault. I gave him multiple warnings. He knew exactly what I expected him to do and he knew exactly what the consequences were if he didn’t do it. And yet, he didn’t do it. And then he seemed completely astonished when I enforced the consequences.

Let me pause for a moment here and assure my readers that I am not a pushover. I am, admittedly, more lenient than Daddy. But when I say, “You will do [X], or [Y] will happen,” if [X] doesn’t happen then [Y] does. I tell him the consequences, I give him one warning, and then BOOM. Consequences. After all, I was the Sunday school teacher/babysitter who was often told by parents, “Why does s/he always do what you say but never what I say?” It was because I told the children the consequences of their behavior, and then I enforced them. Just like I do with my own children.

The difference is that with my own children I feel horribly guilty when they cry and protest. I don’t relent, mind you, but I do feel horribly guilty. Which I why I felt so vindicated when, after having a discussion with my son tonight about how sometimes you make decisions with your words and sometimes you make them with your actions, and then telling him that he’d have a chance to make a different decision tomorrow and that I loved him even when he made decisions that neither one of us was happy with, he quietly told me, “Thanks, Mama. That got all my cries out.”

Well. If that doesn’t just break a mother’s heart and then put it right back together again.

Disciplining my children is by far the hardest part of parenting for me. I know I have to do it; I know they NEED it. But finding the right balance of being harsh enough that they’ll think twice before disobeying again and being gentle enough to not break their spirits is not an easy thing, especially since I am a very meek-spirited mother of two very strong-willed (but sensitive) children. It constantly surprises me how much I think back to my own childhood and my own parents’ consequences and discipline each time I discipline my children. I am all too keenly aware of the things that my parents said to me that cut me to the quick, and also of the things that made me laugh rebelliously to myself. And, like my parents did, I try to walk that tightrope.

And most of the time, I fall off. As do all parents.

Not once, in my son’s 4 years on this planet or my daughter’s 2, have I not had a second thought about a punishment or consequence that I imposed. And yet, my children still come running to me in the morning, begging for hugs and kisses. They want me to play with them all day long; they snuggle close to me every chance they get; they long to show me new skills they’ve learned; they run to me with tears running down their faces, craving a kiss to mend a real or imagined boo-boo. Obviously, any mistakes I’ve made have not scarred them psychologically or made them afraid or me or doubtful of my love for them. They are as completely secure in my love and protection as any human being can be of any other.

Maybe I make less than perfect parenting decisions sometimes, but all it takes is a hug or a “thanks” or “I love you, Mama” from my children to know that somehow, I’m still a pretty good mom.

And in the end, as long as they’re happy, I’m happy. Because after all, what more could a mom want for her children than for them to be happy for the right reasons? Knowing that my children are happy is what gets all MY cries out.