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Before I was married, I defined myself by what I did as a profession and what I did as an avocation. I was a technical project coordinator and a musical theater performer. It’s what I did, it’s who I was, and it’s where I got my validation and satisfaction. I was a valued employee and a valued cast member, and that made me feel good about myself. And when I got married, I layered being Herb’s wife on top of that. I work hard at being a good wife and a good partner, and Herb appreciates that.
But when I got laid off, I lost one of those layers. I didn’t have a paycheck or a performance review to make me feel like I was accomplishing something. And then I got pregnant with Ryan, and there was definitely a feeling of accomplishment there! But when he was born and I got into the cycle of early motherhood where it seemed like all I ever got done was feeding the baby, changing the baby, and putting the baby (and occasionally, myself) to bed, I lost that feeling of accomplishment.
Being a mom is an amazing and wonderful thing. But it’s all too easy to feel like you’re not really DOING anything. Which is kind of silly, because you’re molding an entire human being! You’re helping him learn about the world around him, keeping him safe as he explores, encouraging him to develop new skills. But that work has a definite tendency to take over everything else. I spend less time alone with my husband, because we’re both spending time with Ryan. I spend less time doing things for my husband, because I’m wrapped up in taking care of Ryan. My musical theater career has fallen by the wayside, because I would need to find someone to watch Ryan while I’m at rehearsals and performances, plus I’d need to find time to learn my lines, songs, blocking, and choreography - not easy to do with a busy baby in my lap! Even my time with friends is curtailed because it’s just not the same when I’m hauling a baby around with me, not to mention that my “free” time is now during the day instead of evenings and late nights.
So sometimes I need a bit of a reality check to remind myself that what I do is worthwhile. What I do is admirable. What I do is HARD. What I do is part – but not all – of who I am. But I think it’s still one of the very best parts.
Hi, my name is Sandy and I’m a MOM!
Thats what I get for responding when I am tired and not rereading what I have written lol. To clarify: Some families do not have a choice either due to finances or because as you mentioned they are a single mother or father. Some people do not have the luxury of having two incomes or having enough money with two incomes to get daycare. I have heard some mothers comment about how another mother should stay at home or should work for whatever reason they want to give and it really should not be that way. What I am trying to say is that as mothers we should honor each other's choices because regardless of whether we stay at home or go to work we are still mothers and one mother is not better than another for making the choices they made. I hope that makes more sense!
ReplyDeleteThose precious years as a stay-at-home Mom with little ones to shepherd will pass all too quickly. Then you will have more time to do other things besides diapers, bottles and interacting with small children twenty-four/seven
ReplyDeleteW, I consider myself very fortunate to have the choice to either go back to work or stay at home. I know that many families don't have that choice, or make a different choice than our family made. Every family needs to make the decision that is right for THEIR family.
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