Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscar Fashion 2012 - Part Two

A very faithful reader of my blog expressed his disappointment in my previous blog entry discussing this year’s Oscar fashions. He requested that I post a review of the fashions similar to my Golden Globes blog of some weeks ago. So I am pleased to present this review of the red carpet fashions, using (mostly) the same categories as I did for the Golden Globes, including a few nominees plus a winner in each.

Best Slightly Avant-Garde Without Going Over the Top
Angelina Jolie, in a black velvet gown with an asymmetrical bodice and thigh-high slit which she insisted on poking her thigh out of at every opportunity, vivid scarlet lips, and no jewelry save a single diamond ring
Rooney Mara, in a very haute couture white trumpet dress with a deeply plunging back relieved with a few narrow straps, a plunging décolleté, and heavy jet black bangs and deep red lips
WINNER: Rooney Mara

The Close But No Cigar Award
Sandra Bullock, in a black-and-white satin dress with an unflatteringly baggy, cap-sleeved white top, black trumpet skirt with a train, gorgeously patterned rhinestones at the waist and shoulders, a dramatically plunging, draped back, sleek jet black ponytail, and drop earrings
Cameron Diaz, in a champagne-colored mermaid dress with a wedge of ruffles and metallic fringe inserts in the skirt, messy, frizzled hair, and unfortunate tan lines on her chest
Livia Giuggioli, in a bright coral ball gown with puffy chiffon full-length cuffed sleeves, an oddly-projected shelf at the bust, matching lipstick, severe hair, and an adorable beaded clutch with a little gold bow
WINNER (LOSER): Sandra Bullock

Best Red Dress
Michelle Williams, in a fitted orange-red, ruffly strapless gown with a peplum, a charming rhinestone bow at the waist, a strange flesh-toned corset back, and a short train
Natalie Portman, in a strapless red-with-black-polka-dots gown with a full skirt, V-shaped diamond necklace, loose, barely waved hair and natural makeup
WINNER:  Michelle Williams (provided you don’t look from the back)

Best Black and/or White
Jessica Chastain, in a perfectly fitted black dress with intricate gold embroidery setting off her loose strawberry-blond locks, and a small train
Milla Jovovich, in a silvery-white, single-shouldered, fitted sheath with diagonal draping, a barely-there train, simple diamond jewelry, deep pink lips, and a softly waved, tousled bob.
Gwyneth Paltrow in a simple, sleek sheath with a long, cape-like jacket, a diamond-encrusted cuff and oversized ring, with simple hair and natural makeup
Rose Byrne, in a single-shouldered, impeccably fitted black sequined sheath with just the tiniest bit of ruching along the sides, and a perfectly smooth, shiny chestnut bob
WINNER: Milla Jovovich

The My Granny’s Dress Award
Shailene Woodley, in a long-sleeved, high-necked, literally buttoned down and possibly polyester dress complete with a prim, high bun not worthy of the term “chignon”
WINNER (LOSER): Shailene Woodley

The You Should Always Wear That Color Award
Emma Stone, in a flowing sleeveless magenta gown with a wide belt and a disproportionally large bow at the neck
Viola Davis, in an emerald green strapless column with beading at the top of the bodice and a daringly open notch, flaring pleated inserts in the skirt, matching green earrings, and a stunning rhinestone cuff
Ellie Kemper, in a copper sequined sheath perfectly matching her heavy copper bangs and just-messy-enough chignon, matching sparkly earrings and double cuff bracelet
WINNER: Ellie Kemper

The Big and Beautiful Award
Octavia Spencer, in a loosely fitted white gown with a round neck and cap sleeves and beading radiating out from the waist, and a smooth chignon and chandelier earrings
Melissa McCarthy, in a pale mauve chiffon gown with elegant Grecian draping, flared ¾-length sleeves, and rhinestone belt and neckline, with a loose, wavy updo
WINNER: Octavia Spencer

The Totally Boring Award
Kristen Wiig, in yet another shapeless, skin-toned sack with torn-looking bits covering a skirt that should have been flared but wasn’t, and tired-looking locks
Maya Rudolph, in a bland, round-necked eggplant sheath with rhinestone cap sleeves and belt, intricately beaded back, and nude makeup
WINNER (LOSER): Kristen Wiig

Most Elegant (Under 40 Division)
Berenice Bejo, in a pale seafoam green, long-sleeved flared sheath encrusted with bugle beads, a short train, deep emerald drop earrings, and her red tresses in an intricate braided and twisted updo
Stacy Kiebler, in a beautifully draped gold lame sheath with a large rosette at the hip, a single wide off-the-shoulder strap, tiny train, and simple waved tresses tucked to one side with an elegant coil at the nape of her neck
WINNER: Stacy Kiebler

Most Elegant (Over 40 Division)
Penelope Cruz, in a silvery-blue off-the-shoulder gown with a full, sweeping skirt, simple diamond jewelry, and a softly waved bob
Glenn Close, in a perfectly fitted, deep emerald mermaid gown and matching jacket with satin cuffs and lapels, and just the tiniest bit of bling on the train
WINNER: Penelope Cruz

And I would like to throw in a Special Judges’ Award for Christopher Plummer, who at the age of 82 was still one of the sexiest men in the room, wearing a spectacular deep purple velvet tuxedo jacket, a perfectly tied bow tie, French cuffs, and a tiny Edelweiss pin in his lapel.

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