Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Reasons My Kids Are Crying

By now, I’m sure everyone with access to the internet has seen the multitude of essays and photos titled some variation of “Reasons My Kid Is Crying.” The posts are ubiquitous because the phenomenon is ubiquitous. And since I have two pre-schoolers, I have a long list of nonsensical reasons that my kids cry. Let me share a few of these with you, so that those of you with small children can commiserate, those of you with no children can laugh innocently (and suspect that I’m exaggerating), and those of you with grown children can laugh knowingly (because you know I’m not exaggerating).
  •         She dropped her purple truck behind the couch.
  •         He didn’t want to go to singing time.
  •         She didn’t want to get on the trampoline.
  •         She didn’t want to get off the trampoline.
  •         He didn’t want an English muffin pizza for supper.
  •         She didn’t want to take a nap.
  •         I turned on the wrong episode of “Team Umizoomi.”
  •         She wanted to listen to “Frog Trouble” on CD, not “Broken Piano.”
  •         He wanted to listen to “Broken Piano” on CD, not “Frog Trouble.”
  •         Neither one of them wanted to listen to “The Heartache Song” on CD, even though I wasn’t actually playing it at the time.
  •         He didn’t want to put his shoes on.
  •         He didn’t want to take his shoes off.
  •         He didn’t want to wear pants.
  •         She didn’t want to wear pants.
  •         I put on her coat.
  •         I took off her coat.
  •         She finished her ice cream.
  •         There was ice on the front steps.
  •         He had snow on his shoes (from deliberately kicking a snowbank the entire length of the front walkway).
  •         She couldn’t find her cup of apple juice (which was in plain sight about 18 inches away from her face).
  •         He took the toy she wanted to play with.
  •         He looked at the toy she wanted to play with.
  •         He thought about the toy she wanted to play with.
  •         He whacked her with the toy she wanted to play with. (Okay, that one has some degree of legitimacy.)
  •         I gave her a blue glittery sticker instead of a purple glittery sticker.
  •         She couldn’t find Sock Monkey (he was hidden behind Pink Monkey, Santa Monkey, Big Monkey, Rainbow Monkey, and a family of giraffes).
  •         He wanted to listen to Bach, not Beethoven.
  •         She wanted a different pillow.
  •         The letter “Y” he made was crooked.
  •         The scotch tape got tangled.
  •         She couldn’t get the crayon to stay between her toes.
  •         She got the crayon stuck between her toes.
  •         She couldn’t see the drawing she was making on white paper with a white crayon.
  •         I wouldn’t let her have a third Hershey’s kiss.
  •         There was a moth on the wall.
  •         It wasn’t Playdate Day.
  •         I made her get a clean spoon after she dropped hers on the floor.
  •         I wouldn’t let her lick another kid’s backpack.
  •         I wouldn’t let him eat a gummy worm he found on the floor of the restaurant.

I kid you not, every single one of these things happened within the past 24 hours and made one or both of my kids cry. So if you ever wonder why parents of small children are continually stressed out, re-read this list and you won’t wonder any more.

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