The Modern 12 Days of Christmas

Most people reading this blog are familiar with the traditional Christmas carol, The Twelve Days of Christmas, in which a gentleman lists out the gifts he plans to give to his sweetheart for each of the twelve days of Christmas. Most of them would not be especially appropriate in modern times, so here's an updated twist on replacement items that a contemporary sweetheart would be more likely to appreciate. 

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

If you mention the word "partridge" to most people today, their first thought will not be of a game bird, but more likely of David Cassidy and Shirley Jones standing in front of a mod, tricked-out tour bus. If your sweetheart fondly remembers the TV show "The Partridge Family," or even if she just likes vintage chic, replace the actual partridge with this fun Partridge Family-inspired t-shirt ($19.99 from Amazon). 

Two Turtledoves

Turtledoves have long represented fidelity (the Roman goddess of good faith, Fides, was often depicted holding a turtledove) and romantic love. In modern times, a more appropriate symbolic gift would be jewelry. This gorgeous sterling silver and diamond Celtic love knot necklace ($199 from Glencara) will surely be much more well-received than a pair of smelly, noisy birds.

Three French Hens

The three French hens are often said to represent either faith, hope, and charity, or the three gifts presented by the Magi: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Since the latter two items given by the Magi are both prized for their pleasant scents, it seems like an appropriate modern replacement would be perfume or cologne. One popular fragrance that includes notes of myrrh is Opium by Yves Saint Laurent ($88.40 at Macy's).

Four Calling Birds

Of course, the first association most of us now make with the word "calling" is cell phones. So what better gift than a personalized cell phone case? One nice option is this pretty case, accented with dried wildflowers and the owner's name in graceful script ($26 from Blanc Space, $13 additional for a tempered glass screen protector).

Five Gold Rings

This is the only gift on this list that's still appropriate. Give it a modern twist by giving her a set of five stackable vintage gold rings ($48 from Uncommon James). 

 

Six Geese a-Laying

In modern times, geese are more prized for their feathers than for their eggs. So give her the luxurious gift of a cozy, warm, goosedown comforter ($76.79 from Kohl's). 

Seven Swans a-Swimming

The most common swans in England when this song originally became popular were mute swans. So what better sign of love than a pair of high-quality noise cancelling headphones? Give her the gift of peace and quiet with these top-rated Bose QuietComfort 45 headphones ($249 from Amazon).

Eight Maids a-Milking

Much like the geese a-laying above, cows provide more valuable products than the original song references. Instead of milkmaids, cows, or dairy products, give her these gorgeous ready to cook (by you, not her) bacon-wrapped filets mignon ($59.99 from Omaha Steaks).

Nine Ladies Dancing

A performance by dancing girls might not be her thing (or it might be), but since performances rarely take place in your own home in modern times, substitute tickets to her favorite holiday concert or performance (prices and sources vary). 

Ten Lords a-Leaping

Lords don't normally leap, so leaping lords are something unexpected, funny, and perhaps a little bit silly. So get her a fun game for two, perhaps something like a Hunt a Killer game (prices vary; single games start at $49.99; subscriptions start at $19.99/box, from Hunt a Killer), where the two of you work together to solve a murder mystery.

Eleven Pipers Piping

The pipes that the pipers are piping are depicted as anything from bagpipes to heralds' trumpets to flutes. I personally prefer the image of flutes, and when I think of flutes, I think of champagne, and drinking it out of beautiful champagne flutes So for day 11, I recommend the gift of a pair of elegant crystal flutes ($48.99 from Macy's) - and something bubbly to fill them with. 

Twelve Drummers Drumming

The final gift in the original list is twelve drummers drumming, which seems to me to be a less-than-welcome gift to end with. So my list ends with a gift that every exhausted woman will appreciate at the end of a busy holiday season: Bring her a takeout meal from her favorite restaurant so nobody has to cook or clean! That's a much more welcome kind of drumsticks. 

Merry Christmas!