Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Murphy's Law for Parents

I’m sure that everyone reading this is familiar with Murphy’s Law, which states, “If anything can go wrong, it will.” Murphy, I firmly believe, came up with this law while his (or her; I don’t want to assume) children were preschoolers. It seems like small children are particularly prone to constantly illustrating Murphy’s Law. Murphy’s Law is certainly alive and well in my house, thanks to my own small children. Let me give you a few corollaries of the parents’ version of Murphy’s Law.
  • Items which can cause a stain (permanent markers, cranberry juice, lipstick, Desitin) will always find their way onto the least washable surface (white velvet couch, dry clean-only clothing, cathedral ceiling, a sibling’s artwork) in the vicinity.
  • Screaming fits are most likely to happen when a) a parent is on an important business call, b) a sibling has fallen asleep after fighting taking a nap for two hours, or c) the new neighbors have just dropped by. 
  • Growth spurts kick in immediately before important events requiring special, expensive clothing (weddings, Christmas, Easter) but immediately after purchasing said special, expensive clothing. 
  • Any food which you have recently assured your in-laws that your child will eat will be added the child’s most hated food list immediately prior to being served by said in-laws.
  • The messiest accidents happen within the last 60 seconds prior to departure for an important event.
  • The urgency of a child’s need to use the bathroom is inversely proportional to his ability to manage the fasteners of his pants.
  • Ugly furniture that you bought secondhand 15 years ago will never be spilled on; new furniture will be “christened” within 12 minutes of delivery.
  • Diapers only leak on dry clean only clothes.
  • The knick-knacks you hate will rarely be knocked down and will never break when they are; the ones you love are toast as soon as your kids become mobile.
  • The day the preschool sends home all the glittery craft projects the kids have worked on all year long will be the day you get your car detailed right before pickup.
  • Children will never repeat vulgar or inappropriate things they’ve heard in private, only in public and at the most inappropriate times (church, funeral, in front of your boss).
  • Self-imposed haircuts happen immediately prior to important picture-taking events (school photo day, your brother’s wedding, your parents’ 50th wedding anniversary party).

Any corollaries from your own experience you’d like to add ?

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