Wednesday, March 5, 2014

True Mom Confessions

Sometimes, as a mom, I do things that I’m not proud of. Sometimes, I just need to confess my shortcomings to purge my guilt. Feel free to post your own confessions, mom or otherwise, anonymously or otherwise, in the comments section!

  •         Sometimes I deliberately pick a leftover container that’s too small just so I get to eat the few bites that don’t fit.
  •         Sometimes I make my kids macaroni and cheese for lunch because it’s what I want for lunch.
  •         Sometimes I make my kids take a nap because I need a nap.
  •         Sometimes I tell my kids it’s “Pajama Day!!!” because all my yoga pants are in the laundry and I can’t bear the thought of putting on jeans.
  •         Sometimes I “reward” my kids with pancakes for lunch or dinner simply because I can’t think of anything nutritious that I want to cook.
  •         Sometimes I’m in the car by myself for half an hour before I realize that I’m listening to “Frog Trouble” or “Broken Piano” or “On Top of Spaghetti” – and liking it.
  •         Sometimes I take the long way home from errands hoping that my kids will fall asleep in the car so I can sit in the driveway and read Facebook and Pinterest on my phone for 20 minutes uninterrupted.
  •         Sometimes I cheat at Chutes and Ladders just to get it over with.
  •         Sometimes I let my kids cheat at Chutes and Ladders just to get it over with.
  •         Sometimes when I hear the kids wake up early I pretend to be asleep so my husband will get up and get them dressed and fed.
  •         Sometimes I pretend I need a second cup of coffee just as an excuse to leave the chaos of the playroom for 5 minutes.
  •         Sometimes I go in the bathroom when I don’t actually have to go so I can just sit in the quiet for a few minutes.
  •         Sometimes I describe an elaborate invisible villain to my son so he won’t make me be the bad guy.
  •         Sometimes I play Simon Says with them just to tire them out.
  •         Sometimes I make them paint the flagstones on the porch with water.
  •         Sometimes I blow bubbles with them just to enjoy the head rush after the 327th “blow.”
  •         Sometimes I let them blow bubbles inside the house because it’s easier than washing the kitchen floor.
  •         Sometimes I let them slide around in their socks for the same reason.
  •         Sometimes I watch them while they’re sleeping just to remind myself how much I love them.
  •         Sometimes I see aspects of my own personality in them and I’m crazy proud.
  •         Sometimes I see aspects of my own personality in them and I’m crazy embarrassed.
  •         Sometimes I wonder how on earth such a wonderful, brilliant, thoughtful, sweet, kind human being could have issued forth from my loins.
  •         Sometimes I wonder how on earth such a pig-headed, stubborn, self-centered, annoying human being could have issued forth from my loins.
  •         Sometimes I would gladly sell them to whatever circus or band of gypsies was passing through.
  •         Always, I would throw myself in front of a bus or a speeding bullet or a raging lion for them. Even despite all of the “sometimes” above. 


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