Nailed It!: Week 14 Check-In

Double score this week: I hit my goal of 148.4 pounds, which was also the 30-pound mark. Yay for me! Somewhat coincidentally, I also got a new cell phone this week and lost my weigh-in history from my phone app. But that's okay, because I'm starting a new goal: losing 12 more pounds to reach 136. 

My two goals both have a very practical basis: they're set points that I know my body sticks at for a while. I had two babies in my early forties, after which I stayed within a couple of pounds of 148 for nearly a decade; and throughout my 30s, when I ranged from 132 to 136. I would say that 148 pounds is both a healthy and - as I have just proved - an attainable weight for me. And 136 is an even healthier and probably also an attainable weight. If I find I can't get there, though, I'm not going to beat myself up. Staying below 150 for the rest of my life is my overarching goal; if I can drop another 10 or 12 pounds, all the better, but not a huge deal if I can't make it. 

Yesterday was also my 16th wedding anniversary, and my husband and I went out to dinner with our kids, our niece and nephew, and our niece-in-law-to-be, which meant an excuse to dress up. Which meant an excuse to try on all the dresses in my closet that I've been hanging onto for years in the hopes of fitting into them again (or at least, looking good in them again). Instead of the 2 or 3 nice dresses I've been able to wear for the past few years, I had my choice of a dozen or so! I opted for an old favorite, a cherry red, high-waisted, clingy surplice dress. In a size 8. And I don't mind saying that I ROCKED IT.

But more important than looking good, I am FEELING good. I mean, think about it: thirty pounds is like two Thanksgiving turkeys. Imagine going for a walk carrying a full-sized turkey under each arm, and then putting them down. How much lighter and stronger would you feel? My kids are both BSA Scouts, and when they go backpack camping, the recommendation for maximum pack size is 20% of your body weight, so a 150-pound person should carry a pack that weighs no more than 30 pounds. Now, hiking while carrying a 30-pound pack is a lot. I had basically been "hiking" through life with a full backpack, and now I've taken it off. 

This Monday is Patriot's Day here in Massachusetts, and part of our local celebration is a reenactment of the historic battle in Concord, the famous "shot heard 'round the world." A regiment of Minutemen from our town marched to the battle, a 7-mile trek, and our local reenactors recreate that march every year, accompanied by my son's Scout troop, the Isaac Davis troop, named for the captain of that regiment, who was the first officer to die in the American Revolution. My husband and son have made that hike a number of times, but this year my daughter and I plan to join them for the final 4+ miles. A year ago I wasn't comfortable with the thought of keeping up with a bunch of teenage boys for 4 miles, but now that I've "dropped my backpack," I think I can do it.   

That's why I'll be happy even if I never lose another pound. I've found a place where I feel good, I'm eating healthy without depriving myself too much, and I feel like I could continue eating this way for good. Could I drop another fifteen or twenty pounds if I really had to? Probably. But I've found a balance between looking and feeling healthy, and enjoying the foods I love. And that's a great place to be. 

Quote for the Week:

I'd rather eat pasta and drink wine than be a size zero.

- commonly misattributed to Sophia Loren (who did say "All you see I owe to pasta.")

Not a size zero, and gorgeous

20-Pound Milestone: Week 8 Check-In

Eight weeks ago, I started a weight-loss program after I'd hit a lifetime high weight of just under 180 pounds. As of today, I've passed the 20-pound mark, weighing in at a cool 158.2 pounds. This is less than I've weighed in the past 5 years!

My goal is to get back below 150 pounds. After my kids were born (in my early 40s; I was a late starter), my weight settled in at around 148 pounds for nearly a decade. I feel like that's a healthy, attainable weight, although I'd love to drop another 10 pounds after that, to get down to my pre-baby weight of 136-138, which was where I was at throughout my mid-to-late 30s. But I'm considering that more of a "nice to have" than a "have to have;" I'd love to get there but I won't be disappointed if I discover that reaching and staying at that weight is too onerous. I'm trying to work with my body, not against it, and it's important to me that I don't feel like I'm overly deprived or overly focused on food and eating habits. So I'm continuing to play it by ear. 

For now, I feel like I can stick with where I'm at, but I'm also comfortable with loosening up my restrictions now and then when I need it. I still stop and think about tradeoffs and consider how much I really want something special, but I don't let myself feel guilty if I decide I want a dinner roll or a glass of wine or a handful of tortilla chips, even if I don't give up something else in exchange. It's all about balance and moderation. And sometimes balance means not making an even exchange. Sometimes it means not feeling guilty about an occasional splurge, as long as "occasional" doesn't turn into "frequent."

I am finding that I am more satisfied with smaller treats than I was at first: a single spoonful of dessert, a sip of wine, a small square of chocolate, a couple of tortilla chips. If my husband makes popcorn while we're watching a movie, I am now capable of eating one handful and stopping instead of suddenly realizing I've eaten half the tub. If he's having a glass of wine at a restaurant, I'll have a sip from his glass instead of ordering my own. If one of my kids is eating a bowl of ice cream, I'll ask for a spoonful instead of getting my own bowl. 

Which leads to another important point: Support from those around me! In the past, if my husband made popcorn and I said I didn't want any, he'd make me a bowl anyway - and I'd eat it, and enjoy it. But now, if I decline, that's it, no sharing unless I ask. Sometimes he'll even skip having any himself, so I won't be tempted. When he cooks, he'll give me a smaller serving without my asking. Both my kids are willing to let me have a bite of their dessert without complaint so I don't need to order a whole serving for myself. And I've gotten innumerable compliments and supportive comments from friends and family who've been following my journey in person or online. Being the kind of person who thrives on external validation, that outside support is invaluable to me. I'm doing this for me, and I can see and feel the difference, but it's a huge reinforcement to know that others can see it, too. 

Quote for the Week:

Success is the sum of small efforts,
repeated day-in and day-out. 

-Robert Collier

The Dreaded Plateau: Week 6 Check-In

Welp, I knew it would happen: the dreaded diet plateau. I didn't think it would happen quite this soon, but here it is. 

I can't complain; the first 10 pounds came off unexpectedly quickly and easily. But I thought I'd have another couple of weeks before I stalled out. The scale has been bouncing around 166.5-167.5 all week, with a taunting low of 164.4 (admittedly, after a bout of illness resulting in some degree of dehydration) and a frustrating high of 167.8 (admittedly, after an early Valentine's Day celebration involving a cocktail, wine, and dessert). 

The question most people ask when they hit a plateau is, "Should I do something different? Do I need to cut something else out of my diet to kickstart my weight loss back into gear?" But I decided before I even started changing my habits that I would simply ride out any plateau that I hit. I feel like this eating plan is stringent enough that sticking with it will eventually result in continued weight loss. Could I give up a few more things for a week or two? Sure. I could drink my coffee black all week; I could pass up all alcohol; I could avoid all treats. But that goes against my overall concept of an eating plan that I can live with long-term. I want to be able to enjoy my coffee the way I like it, to have a cocktail or a glass of wine a few times a week, to eat a cookie or a roll with butter or a bowl of creamy coup now and then. I'd rather lose the weight more slowly using a method I can stick with forever than to lose it quickly giving up foods that I love (albeit only temporarily) but then put it back on once I go back to aless stringent long-term eating plan.

So although this period is frustrating, I'm continuing to look at the big picture. I'm eating more healthy, which is great for my blood pressure and my overall health. I've already lost more than 10 pounds, which is great for my joint health, my asthma, and my physical appearance. I've been able to stick to my eating plan, which is great for my self-confidence, determination, and long-term expectations. 

What's the bottom line for my reaction to this plateau? I'm going to make sure that I'm making tradeoffs when I have a treat. I'm going to remind myself that this is not a "quick fix" plan. I'm going to look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm doing great, and looking and feeling better than I did six weeks ago. And I'm going to hang in there and keep to my plan. 

Quote for the Week: Everyone plateaus.
What you do next is what counts.  

-Noah Kagan

I'm Fat: Week 1 Check-In

Guess what? 

I'm still fat. 

Yeah, the hardest part of trying to lose weight is that it takes time. I'm hoping the old adage that it takes twice as long to lose it as it did to gain it isn't true. I've gained 25 pounds over the past 5 years, and I'm really hoping that it won't take 10 years to take it off again. Fortunately, I've also read that losing a pound or even 2 every week is a reasonable goal for most people, so that's my aim. The difficult part of that goal for me is that my body weight fluctuates several pounds on a regular basis, so it's really hard to tell if I've actually lost weight or if it's just my natural fluctuations. 

I have been using an app on my phone for a while and it's really helped to make me aware of my weight creep. 

This chart shows my weight over the past 90 days. You can see that the numbers have been edging up very gradually over the whole time I've been charting. 

Looking at the past 30 days, it's going a little better, with a general creep down instead of up. So, yay? But I know I could be doing better. 

As I've been tracking my habits, I've been struggling with improving some of them. For example, drinking water. It's a lot harder than I expected to drink as much water as I'd hoped, mainly on days when I'm running around doing errands or spending the day at work rather than at home. So my plan is to keep a large water bottle in my car and in my work bag so I always have water with me. I do notice a difference in my appetite when I've drunk a lot of water before meals, so I think getting better about this will be a big help in shrinking down my portion sizes without being hungry (or hangry!).

I have done pretty well with reducing my alcohol intake. Cutting my cocktails with seltzer has been surprisingly effective, especially when I emphasize the flavors with bitters. My latest creation was a splash of whipped cream vodka, a splash of creme de cacao, cocoa bitters, a bit of cherry juice, and black cherry seltzer. Delicious and refreshing! I feel like over the course of time I can transition into less (or even no!) vodka to lower the calorie count even further. 

As I look back over my eating log for the week, I'm reasonably happy with how I did. I did notice that I sneak a cookie as a snack more often than I realized (I need to get rid of my leftover Christmas cookies - and not by eating them!), but having to write everything down did help me to decide against random mid-afternoon snacks quite often. And when I did decide to snack, it was usually a small handful of cashews or some apple slices. 

So what I am doing differently this week? One thing I plan to do is add a place in my daily log for the treats that I resisted. There were definitely times when I thought about eating something and I chose against it, or I could have chosen a higher-calorie meal and didn't. I feel like it will be a good encouragement for me to see the times that I made a healthy choice when I really wanted something else. For example, I was out shopping with my husband the other day and we stopped at Burger King for lunch, and even though I really wanted a burger and fries, I got a couple of small chicken wraps and I stole exactly 3 fries from my husband. Yay for me! And the more I resist, the easier it gets to resist. Plus, I'm learning what lower-calorie meals and snacks I find satisfying, such as an apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter instead of a peanut butter sandwich, or salmon and fresh vegetables instead of steak and mashed potatoes. Carbs - particularly bread and potatoes - are still a big part of my diet, so I'm also hoping to work more fruits and vegetables in with my proteins instead of all starches. 

What's the bottom line on my first week? It's a slow and gradual start, but it's a start. Onward and downward!

Quote for the week: Today is another chance to get it right. 

Because I'm Fat, I'm Fat, Ya Know It

Hi, my name is Sandy and I'm fat. 

"Fat" is such a loaded word in our society. Because of that, I would never call anyone else fat, but I absolutely reserve the right to call myself fat. And I am. I'm about 35 pounds over what I would consider a reasonably attainable and healthy weight, and about 50 pounds over what I would consider my ideal adult weight. At 5'7.5" tall and 178 pounds, I am, by any reasonable standard, fat. 

I don't want to be fat. I don't like how it feels. I don't like how it affects my health. I don't like how my clothes fit. I don't like that I don't look good in the styles of clothes I like to wear. 

I want to fix it. But I'm not the personality type that would do well with a meeting-based program like Weight Watchers, or a prepared food program like Jenny Craig, or even a menu-based program like Richard Simmons' Deal-a-Meal. And I don't need a psychology-based program like Noom to tell me why I'm fat. I'm fat because I'm menopausal, sedentary, and I eat and drink too much. It's really that simple. My metabolism has changed and I haven't changed my exercise or eating habits to counterbalance it. I have health issues that discourage me from getting regular exercise. (Also, I'm inherently lazy.) I like drinking cocktails. And my portion sizes are too big. I don't eat a lot of unhealthy foods, I just eat too much of the healthy ones, which is also unhealthy. And I don't drink enough water. 

Why am I telling you this? Frankly, it's because I need motivation. It bothers me when I try to lose weight (often somewhat half-heartedly) and I don't succeed, but telling other people that I'm trying to lose weight and not succeeding is more likely to make me buckle down and figure out how to make it work. So I'm publicly announcing that I'm working on losing weight in the hopes that being somewhat accountable to the world at large will encourage me to follow through and find a plan that works for me. 

Here's what I'm doing to start: 

• Drink less alcohol. I think that tapering off gradually will work best for me, so for now I'm only going to drink alcohol on the weekends. One cocktail each on Friday, Saturday, and maybe Sunday. Possibly an exception if we go out to eat during the week. I'll also try to drink lighter cocktails, by cutting them with seltzer. And no overly generous pours. 
• Shrink portion sizes. I'll take smaller portions of sides and mains and larger portions of vegetables and avoid eating bread with meals. 
• Drink more water. I'm going to combat both overeating and hunger by drinking a lot more water. Again, starting slowly, I'm hoping to drink at least two 20-oz. tumblers of water per day. (I'm starting from a baseline of about two sips a day to take my meds, so this is more of an increase than you might think.)
• Walk every day. This may be a little difficult in winter, but we do have a treadmill I can use. (I'll have to clear off a bunch of the kids' stuff, but it's under there somewhere.) I'll try to park farther away from the store when I run errands. And I'll get up and walk around the house every once in a while during the day. 
• Write down all the above. I'll take advantage of my love of spreadsheets by making a chart of what - and how - I'm doing to track my progress. 
• Track my weight. I wouldn't advise this for everyone, but I got an app a while back to track my weight and it made me realize how my weight has been creeping upwards. Hopefully it will also help me see it creeping back downwards.  
• Blog at least once a week. I'll let YOU know how I'm doing. Admitting to other people when I'm failing - or even simply struggling - could be helpful to push me to do better. And letting others know when I'm succeeding will hopefully do the same. 

Feel free to comment with weight loss tips, recipes for delicious low-calorie meals, words of encouragement, or any other advice you think might be helpful. (Please note that I do screen all comments, because bots, so there may be a delay before your comment posts.) Thanks in advance!

Quote for the week: The pounds you don't gain are just as important as the pounds you lose.