Saturday, July 11, 2015

Stuff You Can Get Away With When You're Under Five

I find myself thinking often recently, “Eh, if you can’t do that when you’re five, when can you?”. So I thought I’d share with you all the cool things you get to do when you’re a very young kid that you can’t do – or at least, that you’re not SUPPOSED to do – when you’re an adult.

Change your clothes on a whim
This one is mostly applicable to little girls, in my experience. I have gotten used to seeing my almost-four-year-old in a different outfit literally every time I turn around. She’s like those quick-change artists you see on television talent shows. She goes from her pajamas to a party dress to a Snow White costume to her bathing suit back to her pajamas to nothing but underpants to a casual dress back to Snow White in all the course of about 15 minutes. Pretty much every single day.

Pee outside
Obviously, this is more applicable to little boys, but I’ve also seen little girls drop trou and pee outside without much incident. If you try that trick as an adult of either gender, you’ll be socially ostracized at best and thrown in jail at worst. I’m not sure what it is that’s so exciting about peeing outside, but if you ask my five-year-old his favorite part of our recent vacation (which included a visit to Storyland, seeing the movie “Inside Out,” toasting marshmallows, and chasing fireflies and frogs), his answer will undoubtedly be, “peeing on a tree.”

[“Before” picture only. There’s “in public” and “in public,” if you know what I mean. You’re welcome.]

Wear inappropriate outfits
My kids delight in being allowed to pick out their own clothes, which has resulted in some…ummm, interesting outfits. My son dressed as Thor on a plane trip once; my daughter has worn her Snow White gown to the supermarket; they’ve both worn mixtures of stripes and plaids just about everywhere. The first time my son dressed himself with zero help from me he ended up making breakfast while wearing his shirt backwards and his sister’s pants. 

Go to sleep whenever they want, wherever they want
My kids have been known to conk out anywhere, including on the table of a restaurant in the middle of dinner, during a very loud party (more than once), while reading a book, and in a grocery cart. Of everything on this list, I think this is the one I envy most.

Carry a few extra pounds
If you’re a bit overweight as an adult, everyone from your doctor to your best friend is likely to throw around words like “unhealthy” and “high blood pressure” and “diet” and “joint stress.” If you’re a bit overweight as a preschooler, you’re more likely to hear things like, “squeezable,” “kissable,” and “adorable pudge.” (Okay, maybe THIS is the one I envy the most.)

Rock ridiculous hairstyles
My daughter has “wild and crazy hair” (her own words) which usually looks unkempt despite my best efforts (not helped by her refusal to keep any kind of hair elastics, clips, or barrettes in for more than 15 minutes at a time). And yet, one of the more common comments I get about her when we’re in public is, “Her hair is FABULOUS!!!” If my hair looked like that, they’d all be thinking, “Do you even OWN a hairbrush?” But when you’re under 5, wacky hair is awesome.

Although there are enough benefits to being an adult and I don’t think I’d really like to go back to being a kid again, I do envy more than a few of these perks. Hmm, I think in honor of this blog, I’ll take a crack at rocking the wacky hair. Whaddaya think??