Weird, Wild, and Wonderful Gift Ideas

With not much more than a week until Christmas, you're probably getting down to those last few gifts on your list. And those last few are always the toughest; they're the ones for the people who either already have everything or who don't want anything. So here are a few ideas for interesting and unusual presents that will tickle the fancy of even the toughest gift recipient, in order by price from lowest to highest. 

Pancakes and Maple Syrup Jelly Beans ($2.99 from Off the Wagon Shop)

For a tasty treat that's unusual without being off-the-wall weird, how about a little pack of pancakes and maple syrup-flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans?

Shark Bath Bomb ($5.99 from Bath Bombs Baby)

Cue the Jaws theme when you drop this cute bath bomb in the tub, because it will quickly show evidence of a recent attack as it dissolves and the shark releases "blood" from its, erm, jaws. 

Giant Inflatable Unicorn ($7.95 from WalMart)

Giant. Inflatable. Unicorn. Do I really need to say anything else about this one?

Murder Mystery Jigsaw Puzzle ($19 from Uncommon Goods)

For the jigsaw puzzle or whodunnit fanatic who likes a little twist, first solve the 500-piece jigsaw puzzle - using a story rather than a picture of the puzzle - then use the clues to solve the mystery! 

Lester's Fixins Soda ($22.99 from Soda Emporium)

This variety pack of eight 12-oz bottles of gourmet soda includes flavors like peanut butter & jelly, bacon maple, ranch dressing, buffalo wing, sweet corn, and more. 

Dinosaur Head Lunch Box ($28.25 from Amazon)

A dinosaur lunchbox is cool, but not as cool as a dinosaur HEAD lunchbox. The carrying strap doubles as a muzzle so no-one in the cafeteria gets accidentally chomped. And the jaws open super-wide for easy access (and easy chomping). 

Pizza Socks Box ($29.99 from Amazon)

The four pairs of pizza-themed socks (Hawaiian, Italian, Pepperoni, and Mushroom) are fun enough on their own, but they come arranged like a pizza in a fabulous pizza box and are protected by their own little "pizza table." Adorable!

Hostess Cakes Flavored K-Cups ($30.87 from WalMart)

Taste the nostalgia in these cappuccino and hot cocoa k-cups flavored like your favorite childhood Hostess treats: Twinkies, Snoballs, Cupcakes, and Ding Dongs. 

Jellyfish Lamp ($39.89 from Amazon)

Everybody has had a lava lamp at one time or another, but not very many can claim to have had a jellyfish lamp! Watch the soothing movement of the jellies' realistic tendrils as they move up and down in the color-changing lighted chamber. 

Portable UV Toothbrush Disinfecting Case ($39.99 from Bril)

The ultimate gift you didn't know you needed, this tiny case uses UV-C light to disinfect your toothbrush, killing 99.9% of viruses and bacteria that can live there. 

Wild Game Jerky ($48 from Amazon)

This pack of 24 individually wrapped jerky sticks includes exotic meats like wild boar, duck, alligator, kangaroo, ostrich, and more. Low in fat and calories and high in protein!

Repurposed Cotton Sari Robe ($50 from Uncommon Goods)

Colorful, practical, and ecologically-minded, this comfy robe recycles strips of beautiful cotton print saris to make a one-of-a-kind patchwork pattern that is unique to each robe. 

And don't forget to complete the weirdness by wrapping your gift in bacon-scented wrapping paper ($19.99 from Manly Man Co.) for the perfect finishing touch!

The Best Non-Traditional Christmas Songs

I love Christmas music.

I love the traditional carols, like Silent Night and It Came Upon the Midnight Clear. I love the classical pieces like The Messiah and Amahl and the Night Visitors. I love music from holiday specials like Silver and Gold from "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and Linus and Lucy from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." I love many pop artists' Christmas hits from years past, like Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby and Josh Groban's Believe (although very much NOT Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime or Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You). 

But sometimes I long for something a little different. Something a little off the beaten path. Something I don't hear twice an hour all December long. So these are a few of the lesser-known songs I like to break out when I need to listen to something fresh.

Please Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas by John Denver

Growing up, my dad was a big John Denver fan, so his "Rocky Mountain Christmas" album (on vinyl, of course) was constantly playing in our house throughout December. As a little 6-year-old, I would happily march around the living room, belting out lyrics like, "Just last year when I was only seven - Now I'm almost eight, as you can see - You came home a quarter past eleven and fell down underneath our Christmas tree," with absolutely no idea what they meant. Eventually I figured it out and was vaguely mortified, but this song is still firmly ensconced in my brain as the Christmassiest of Christmas music, so it's at the top of my list of offbeat Christmas favorites. 

The Twelve Days of Christmas by John Denver and the Muppets

Yup, had this one on vinyl too. There is something unbelievably wholesome about the image of the whole cast of Muppets, dressed in cozy Victorian garb, gathered around Denver (with wee Robin perched adorably on his shoulder). It's so good that there are multiple versions of the song, including the version in the video linked above, from the Muppets' 1979 Christmas special, in which Fozzie hilariously forgets his line multiple times, and the recorded version on the album, which includes Beaker's hilarious "MEEMEE MEEMEEMEEMEE" verse. I also find Denver's pronunciation of the word "paaaahtridge" in both versions to be incredibly endearing. 

'Zat You, Santa Claus? by Louis Armstrong and the Commanders

If you like jazz, big bands, Louis Armstrong, or Santa, you'll love this jazz-tacular Christmas song. You can hear Satch smiling as he sings, and you can imagine him leaning back and dancing and snapping along with the band during the instrumental breaks. Modern cover versions by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and Buster Poindexter and His Banshees of Blue are worth a listen (and Poindexter's video is deliciously cheesy), but nothing beats the original.  

The Baby Boy by Harry Belafonte

Although not a Christmas album, Harry Belafonte's "Jump Up Calypso" got a lot of play in our house, and one of the most beautiful tracks is actually a Christmas song. Baby Boy is a simple, slow melody, backed with minimal, simple harmonies and accompaniment. Belafonte's rich, smooth voice brings such expression to the lyrics. A perfect song to listen to while sipping a mug of hot cocoa in front of the fire, with the Christmas tree lights twinkling in the background.

Mary Mild by the Kingston Trio

It was not easy for me to choose just one song from this album, which is probably my favorite Christmas album in the whole world. Although contenders included Last Night of the Year, The White Snows of Winter, and Go Where I Send Thee, I opted for Mary Mild because of its sweet story of a child Jesus aching to play with the neighbor's children, but their parents call them home in fear when Jesus builds them "a bridge from the beams of the sun, so they would play with me." The string bass/acoustic guitar/banjo accompaniment and tight harmonies capture the quintessential Kingston Trio sound that's halfway between a lullaby and a folk song.

(It Must've Been) Ol' Santa by Harry Connick, Jr.

Connick's album "When My Heart Finds Christmas" contains a mix of covers of Christmas songs from multiple genres, like Ave Maria and Sleigh Ride, along with a few originals, including this laid-back jazzy number, which features Connick at the keyboard and the band singing along as well as playing. It makes me want to put on a cozy sweater and sit by the fire right next to Harry. It's comfort food for the soul.

Christmas Eve by Blackmore's Night

Blackmore's Night could be described as a "neo-renaissance band," much like Mannheim Steamroller. Co-founded by former Deep Purple guitarist Ritchie Blackmore and vocalist/lyricist Candice Night, this track features marvelous acoustic guitar work by Blackmore along with smooth, sweet vocals by Night.

'Til the Season Comes 'Round Again by Amy Grant

Another album of mixed covers and original pieces, one of the loveliest songs from "A Christmas to Remember" is the poignant 'Til the Season Comes 'Round Again, in which Grant's smooth alto begs us to carry the peace of Christmas throughout the year. Another perfect fireside listen, not just this song but the whole album - and Grant's whole Christmas collection, for that matter. 

Cool Yule by Bette Midler

There have been quite a few covers of this song over the years, but I find the Divine Miss M's to be far and above the best. Jazzy piano riffs, brass licks, and of course sleigh bells bring a brightness to this jazz classic, not to mention Midler's delightful vocals. Good background music for wrapping presents!

Let's Start the New Year Right by Bing Crosby

I'll wrap up this list by looking ahead to New Year's Eve with Bing crooning about watching "the old year die with a fond goodbye, and our hopes as high as a kite". Couldn't we all use a little optimism as we look forward to the start of a new year? 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you! Happy listening!

The Modern 12 Days of Christmas

Most people reading this blog are familiar with the traditional Christmas carol, The Twelve Days of Christmas, in which a gentleman lists out the gifts he plans to give to his sweetheart for each of the twelve days of Christmas. Most of them would not be especially appropriate in modern times, so here's an updated twist on replacement items that a contemporary sweetheart would be more likely to appreciate. 

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

If you mention the word "partridge" to most people today, their first thought will not be of a game bird, but more likely of David Cassidy and Shirley Jones standing in front of a mod, tricked-out tour bus. If your sweetheart fondly remembers the TV show "The Partridge Family," or even if she just likes vintage chic, replace the actual partridge with this fun Partridge Family-inspired t-shirt ($19.99 from Amazon). 

Two Turtledoves

Turtledoves have long represented fidelity (the Roman goddess of good faith, Fides, was often depicted holding a turtledove) and romantic love. In modern times, a more appropriate symbolic gift would be jewelry. This gorgeous sterling silver and diamond Celtic love knot necklace ($199 from Glencara) will surely be much more well-received than a pair of smelly, noisy birds.

Three French Hens

The three French hens are often said to represent either faith, hope, and charity, or the three gifts presented by the Magi: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Since the latter two items given by the Magi are both prized for their pleasant scents, it seems like an appropriate modern replacement would be perfume or cologne. One popular fragrance that includes notes of myrrh is Opium by Yves Saint Laurent ($88.40 at Macy's).

Four Calling Birds

Of course, the first association most of us now make with the word "calling" is cell phones. So what better gift than a personalized cell phone case? One nice option is this pretty case, accented with dried wildflowers and the owner's name in graceful script ($26 from Blanc Space, $13 additional for a tempered glass screen protector).

Five Gold Rings

This is the only gift on this list that's still appropriate. Give it a modern twist by giving her a set of five stackable vintage gold rings ($48 from Uncommon James). 

 

Six Geese a-Laying

In modern times, geese are more prized for their feathers than for their eggs. So give her the luxurious gift of a cozy, warm, goosedown comforter ($76.79 from Kohl's). 

Seven Swans a-Swimming

The most common swans in England when this song originally became popular were mute swans. So what better sign of love than a pair of high-quality noise cancelling headphones? Give her the gift of peace and quiet with these top-rated Bose QuietComfort 45 headphones ($249 from Amazon).

Eight Maids a-Milking

Much like the geese a-laying above, cows provide more valuable products than the original song references. Instead of milkmaids, cows, or dairy products, give her these gorgeous ready to cook (by you, not her) bacon-wrapped filets mignon ($59.99 from Omaha Steaks).

Nine Ladies Dancing

A performance by dancing girls might not be her thing (or it might be), but since performances rarely take place in your own home in modern times, substitute tickets to her favorite holiday concert or performance (prices and sources vary). 

Ten Lords a-Leaping

Lords don't normally leap, so leaping lords are something unexpected, funny, and perhaps a little bit silly. So get her a fun game for two, perhaps something like a Hunt a Killer game (prices vary; single games start at $49.99; subscriptions start at $19.99/box, from Hunt a Killer), where the two of you work together to solve a murder mystery.

Eleven Pipers Piping

The pipes that the pipers are piping are depicted as anything from bagpipes to heralds' trumpets to flutes. I personally prefer the image of flutes, and when I think of flutes, I think of champagne, and drinking it out of beautiful champagne flutes So for day 11, I recommend the gift of a pair of elegant crystal flutes ($48.99 from Macy's) - and something bubbly to fill them with. 

Twelve Drummers Drumming

The final gift in the original list is twelve drummers drumming, which seems to me to be a less-than-welcome gift to end with. So my list ends with a gift that every exhausted woman will appreciate at the end of a busy holiday season: Bring her a takeout meal from her favorite restaurant so nobody has to cook or clean! That's a much more welcome kind of drumsticks. 

Merry Christmas!