2014 Fall Fashions That I Love

There are two things that I love that come with the advent of fall: fall cooking, and fall clothes. I love fall comfort food: casseroles, soups, baked pasta dishes, and anything that can be made in a crock pot. I also love fall comfort clothing: snuggly sweaters, lovely layers, beautiful boots, cozy coats. And every time fall rolls around, there are a few new (or recycled) fall fashions that I just love. Here are a few of the fall 2014 fashion trends that I love.

Print Dresses

Some years, every dress I see is in a solid color. Which is fine, but I love prints. So I'm very excited about the many print dresses that are being shown this year: ethnic prints, animal prints, stripes, funky geometrics. The silhouettes are simple and the visual interest comes from the fabric instead of the tailoring details. It's a nice change of pace from years past.

Boots

Every year, some kind of boot or other is in. But it seems like this year, EVERY kind of boot is in. High boots, ankle boots, booties, slouchy boots, riding boots, suede boots, patent boots, brown boots, black boots, multi-colored boots. There's a boot for absolutely everyone. Even if you don't like boots, there's a pair of trendy boots out there this year that you'll love.

Scarves

Maybe it's because of Pinterest, but scarves are everywhere this season, and there are as many ways to wear a scarf as there are women who wear them. Tie them in a bow, weave them back on themselves, loop them around, toss them over your shoulder, braid them or twist them, add beads or fringe, solid or print or textured - no matter what your taste or what your outfit, there's a hot scarf waiting to give it that final POP!

Fun Bags

Alongside the usual neutral colored handbags and totes, there are plenty of "fun" styles of purses, bags, and backpacks this year: bright colors, interesting shapes, wild prints - bags you can have fun with! I'm not even a big fan of handbags, but there are a lot of styles catching my eye this year. A fun purse is a great way to liven up an outfit, and this year there are plenty of fun ones to choose from.

Retro Shoes

As a theatre person and a costumer, I am always delighted to see any kind of retro or vintage styles in current fashion. This year, there are plenty of deliciously retro shoe styles to choose from: 1940s T-straps, 1980s low booties, 1950s ballerina flats, and 1960s penny loafers. They're all comfortable and they're all fun!

Interesting Sweaters

I love sweaters that I can wear over and over - but let's face it, sweaters can get pretty boring. But this year, we're seeing a lot of sweaters with interesting textures, whether it's an open weave, or a nubby yarn, or some kind of a pattern. Pair your fun sweater with a basic scarf or solid colored jacket, and you've got yourself some fashionable (and cozy!) layering.

Wrap Coats

Many coats this year, instead of closing with a front and center zipper or row of buttons or snaps, are overlapping as a wrap or a double-breasted closure, often finished with a belt. It's a flattering (and slimming) silhouette for all figures, not to mention quick and convenient when you're in a hurry!

Longer Skirts

The past few seasons it's been next to impossible to find a skirt or dress any longer than mid-thigh length (not counting maxi-dresses that drag on the floor unless you're over 5'10" or regularly wear 4" heels). But this year, many skirts are falling to the top of the knee or even a few inches longer. You can find a flattering pencil skirt, an a-line skirt, or a flared skirt at a reasonable length even if you're over 40 and weigh more than 130 pounds. Hurrah!

Overlapping Layers

If, like me, you're always cold once the weather drops below 60 or so, this is the fashion year for you! Layers are in, in, in. Lots of long, overlapping layers. Leave your shirttails out under your snug sweater (or two!) and layer a long cardigan or a jacket over it, along with a looped scarf, all over skinny jeans or leggings. Finish your look with tall boots or short slouchy booties and leg warmers or even cute ballerina flats. Go dressy with a tailored jacket or casual with ripped jeans. Lots of cozy layers, lots of mix and match, lots of use out of everything in your closet. And don't forget to throw your great bag into the mix.

*Note: All the clothes shown in this blog (other than the "overlapping layers" outfits, which are from Choies, I have no idea, and Michael Kors, respectively) are available from Dress Barn, Macy's, and J.C. Penney. Yes, really!

Sticker Storytelling

Roughly two weeks into my home schooling journey with my son, I have discovered what is easily the skill with which he struggles most: writing. He has no problem with writing in terms of ideas; he has been telling stories - both repeating ones he's heard and creating stories of his own - since he was able to talk. Give him a character or a topic and he'll happily spin a wild yarn for you. But the act of getting those words onto paper is brutally difficult for him. Holding the marker, forming the letters, keeping the words from falling off the page...you'd think I was asking him to create life.

So I've been searching the internet, reading home schooling and kindergarten teacher blogs, and looking through books to find some creative ideas of how to help make writing practice more interesting and less frustrating for him. Writing in a tray of pudding, or jello or Kool-Aid powder, or sand, or shaving cream; and writing on a chalkboard or dry erase board seemed like great suggestions, but he wasn't terribly enthusiastic. I tried making letter flashcards that he could copy. I made dotted outlines he could trace. I read an article written by a kindergarten teacher who has her students draw a picture and then write a few words about it daily, and I laughed (a little enviously). I couldn't imagine how long it would be before my son would be interested in writing an entire sentence, never mind doing it every single day. But then, I had a sticker epiphany.

My son is moody about drawing pictures: some days he'd draw robots and space aliens all day long, but other days he has zero interest. But I've yet to offer him stickers and be turned down. So this morning, when his little sister was playing with stickers and he asked to make a sticker picture, I was struck with inspiration. I told him he could make a sticker picture, but afterwards he had to tell me a story about it and then we would work together to write one sentence about it. He considered that for a moment, then apparently decided that his love for stickers outweighed his hate of writing, and took me up on it.

I let him choose 10 stickers to put on a piece of construction paper. The Melissa and Doug sticker book we were using has literally hundreds of stickers with a different theme for each page: farm animals, jungle animals, ballerinas, fairies, princes and princesses, bugs and butterflies and flowers, a tea party, and paper dolls (did I mention it was his sister's sticker book?). He flipped right to the prince and princess page and chose a unicorn, a princess, a tiara, several sceptres, a palace, a rainbow, a flower, and several hearts. He carefully put them on the page, layering stickers on top of each other to create a sceptre topped with a flower and a rainbow and another topped with a heart. He studied his artwork carefully for several minutes and then, without any prompting from me, began to tell me all about the princess who lived in the beautiful castle and who had a pet pony (he hasn't much use for unicorns) who used his magic to make the princess special sceptres. After much discussion (and several reminders that the shorter the sentence he chose, the less he would have to write), he came up with this manageable sentence: "The princess has a pony."

I braced myself and got out my pack of flashcards. I reminded him that the beginning of a sentence starts with a capital letter, and together we figured out what letter the word "The" starts with (starting with a diphthong was not my best decision). I laid out the appropriate flashcard, went over where each line starts and the order to make them in, and handed him a crayon with bated breath.

To my surprise, he started to hold the crayon in his fist then corrected his grip without my saying a word, then drew a huge - but surprisingly neat - capital T. I laid out the lowercase h flashcard, and stopped him when he began to make a capital H instead. He corrected it but then got all upset that the mistake made the h look like there was a capital A in the middle of it. But I reassured him that this was just practice and it was okay if there were mistakes, and he soon settled down and kept going. We carefully repeated each word to figure out what sound and what letter came next. Letter by painstaking letter, words began to form on the page. All we could fit on the front of the page was "The prince" so we continued on the back with "ss has a pony." (Technically, it says "has a pony. ss" since he doesn't always remember to start at the top of a new page.) He ran out of steam halfway through so I wrote "a pony" for him, but at least he was willing to tell me which letters to write.

It's just a start, but it gives me hope that someday he will experience the joys of writing that I feel every time I put words to paper. I want him to feel the same thrill that I do at being able to express my thoughts and feelings through words. Even if he doesn't end up being a writer, I want him to be a good communicator. Because he has so much to say!!!

What a Difference a Year Makes

I'm sure I've blogged on this topic before. I've probably even used this exact title before. But when you have small children, you are struck again and again by how much they grow and change (and by how much they change YOU) over the course of 12 months.

One year ago, my then just-turned-2-year-old daughter began taking gymnastics classes. And, like her brother before her, she was a trial to her teacher. Even with me by her side, she didn’t listen, she didn’t follow her classmates, she wanted to play on every piece of equipment except the one she was supposed to be playing on. I spent more time chasing her around the gym than actually doing exercises with her.

She did improve over the course of the year, at least to the point where I was able to get her to cooperate by telling her to instead of by physically chasing her around or bodily picking her up and slinging her into line with the other kids. But I couldn’t imagine what it would be like putting her in a class without me by her side after three months of being away from class.

Well, here it is the next fall, and her second week of class without me. I’d be lying if I said she was perfectly behaved. I would be lying if I said she paid attention to her teacher all the time. I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t the least focused child in the class a good bit of the time. But I’d also be lying if I said the improvement wasn’t far above and beyond what I’d ever imagined or even hoped.

She runs right into the warmup circle at the start of class. She sits when she’s told to sit (most of the time), she gets into line with everyone else (some of the time), she waits patiently for her turn (occasionally – although she does at least wait impatiently a good deal of the time), she listens to what her teacher says and tries to do it (almost all of the time).

Well, she's not standing on her dot, but she's in the general vicinity of the circle,
she's not racing around on other equipment, and she seems to be listening to the
teacher. I'd call that a win.

But best of all, she doesn’t think twice about leaving me behind at the top of the stairs when class begins. She doesn’t look up to the windows during class to reassure herself that I’m still there. And although she’s happy to see me at the end of class, it’s not because she’s upset or scared, but because she can’t wait to tell me all about all the exciting things that she just did.

What a difference a year makes. And viva la difference!!

Google Me - 2014 Edition

Back in March 2013, I wrote a blog entry about the results I got when I Googled myself.  I divided the results into categories: hits that actually referred to me, other people with the same name as me, people connected to me by blood or surname, food, random people, and completely random miscellany. I wondered if (and how) the results had changed over the intervening year and a half, so I Googled myself again, and here are the current results.


Me

• This blog
• My LinkedIn profile
• A YouTube video about the family dance studio
• A newspaper column I write

• A Twitter entry or two
• Several articles about shows I've performed in

• Several extremely unflattering photos of a very pregnant me

Other people with my name

• An "upcycler" in New Orleans, LA
• A Senior Executive in Brisbane, Australia
• A utility worker from Parson, TN

• A computer scientist in Norfolk, VA
• A dental hygienist in Vancouver, Canada
• An author in Florida
• My late mother-in-law

People with a connection to me (either family or sharing my surname)

• An article about "The Jesus People Movement in America" referencing an author named Philpott
• An ad for "Philpott's Fish and Chip Shop"

• A photo of my stepdaughter's graduation from Army boot camp

Random people

• Molly Ringwald
• A model wearing a red peacoat

• A beaver wearing a bumblebee costume (okay, technically not a "person," but close enough)
• An unidentified Asian man
• Tim Tebow

Random stuff

• A number of newspaper reports on Hurricane Sandy
• A newspaper article with the headline, "No SPCA Investigation of Vicious Llama Attack" (I swear, I am not making that up)

• A description of an archaeological dig
• The index to "Burke's Dictionary of Landed Gentry"
• A vintage photograph of a woman wearing a string of pearls and a very low-cut dress

• A bulletin from the US Geological Survey
• A number of fringed leather handbags

In general, I’d say that the Google results are slightly more on-target this time. The first page of results is almost completely people who share my name, and it isn’t until page 3 or 4 that the really weird stuff comes up. So, well done, Google! Your stalking has become much more refined. You should be proud. I think.

 

I Don't Like You, But I Love You

Before my husband and I got married – before we got engaged, actually – we had a number of frank, open discussions about what our marriage should and would be like. We talked about what we thought our parenting styles would be (or, in his case, were), how we planned to practice our religion as a family, how our extended families would be part of our own immediate family life, how we would balance our “couples” social life and hobbies with our “individual” social lives and hobbies, how we would handle disagreements, how we would manage our day-to-day household chores, etc. But one of the smartest things we discussed was that it would be okay for us to dislike each other now and then, as long as we never stopped loving each other.

This might seem like a contradiction in terms to some people. But our approach to love is that it is not just feelings, but rather a conscious decision of how to treat someone. Liking someone is not something you can always force yourself to do – let’s face it, some people just aren’t very likeable, and pretty much every one of us that has ever lived has had a moment or two when we’re not very likeable. But loving someone doesn’t have to do with them; it’s YOUR choice of how to treat them.

This concept comes from our Christian upbringings: the Bible teaches us to love one another. Jesus showed love to a lot of people who were, quite frankly, jerks. Cheating tax collectors, adulterers of both genders, murderers, arrogant sons of – well, you get the picture. Not particularly likeable people, and I highly doubt that he liked every one of them. But he loved them all, and therefore he treated them with compassion, mercy, and respect. But even aside from a Christian perspective, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all treated other people with compassion, mercy, and respect, even when we think they’re jerks? Particularly when those jerks happen to be people that we’re married to?

Whenever I get angry at my husband (and yes, he’s awesome, but it happens), I keep in mind that I love him, and it colors how I treat him. It helps me to bite back those angry, disrespectful words and insults that the “currently disliking” part of me wants to throw at him. (Those readers who know me personally may find it difficult to believe I can think of nasty things because I’m “so sweet.” Ha! You’d be astonished by some of my inner thoughts. I’m a little bit sweet but mostly I just have a really good filter, thanks to this whole “love even when you don’t like” thing.) And once my anger has cooled and I’m able to see things with a slightly clearer perspective, I’m always glad that what was inside my head stayed there. And I’m sure that my husband has plenty of thoughts about me that he’s glad he’s never voiced.

The funny thing about treating someone with love even when you don’t like them (whether that dislike is passing or permanent), is that it makes you, yourself, more likeable. And when you’re more likeable, the loving part comes much more easily, on both sides. So the next time you find your partner being less likeable, try remembering that you love him or her – not WHY you do, but simply THAT you do – and let your behavior reflect your love rather than your dislike. You might be surprised at how likeable it makes you both. 

A is for "Assessment"

My son is not quite 5, and therefore he missed the kindergarten cutoff for this year. So I’m dipping my toe (and his, as well) into the homeschooling pool and teaching him some kindergarten skills myself. As a starting point, I found a wonderful online assessment tool based on the kindergarten common core standards, and this morning I went through it with him to see what he already knows and what he still has to learn. And here’s what I discovered: My kid is a genius.

Well, okay, he’s not really a genius. But he is about 90% done with learning kindergarten language skills, anyway. He’s reading on a second grade level (he breezes through words like “nebula,” “hydration,” and “illustrator” without blinking, including figuring out what they mean from context clues); he can spell and write simple words like “cat” and “pig” and “no” without prompting; and he can describe the settings, characters, and plot of a simple story. I introduced the concept of syllables to him and literally within minutes he could tell me how many syllables are in the word “refrigerator” or “despicable” or “antidisestablishmentarianism” (okay, not that last one, although I’m sure he could have figured it out if I’d actually given him that one). This is one smart kid.

Really, the one skill he’s weak on is writing. Not the spelling or expressing himself part, but simply the physical act of writing, of holding a pen or pencil and actually forming the letters on the page. And the hardest part of teaching the physical act of writing is that it only comes through repetition and practice. Which is the bane of a smart, active little boy’s existence. He doesn’t want to sit and write stuff, he wants to get out there and do it! And this is where the creative part of teaching comes in. This is where I have to come up with ideas of how to help him understand the freedom that will come with being able to express himself in writing. This is one of his first big lessons in delayed gratification, and learning why it pays to do the boring stuff now so you can do the fun stuff later.

So we’ll start with making the fun stuff as immediately “later” as possible. I think I’ll start by having him write words like “jump” and “hop” and “run” and rewarding him for writing them by letting him DO them. Then I’ll have him write words like “pig” and “robot” and “soccer” and reward him by letting him draw pictures of them. We can try writing a single letter a few times and then running around the house to find as many things as we can that start with that letter. (We’ll count them, too, just to sneak in an extra math lesson!) And then maybe we can move on to writing words like “space” and “superhero” and “toilet” and then we can go to the library and find a book about each of those things.

It’s going to be an exciting journey for both of us – probably a little frustrating sometimes, certainly somewhat boring sometimes, definitely often confusing and occasionally scary. But I have no doubt that we’ll both learn a lot – about ourselves and how we think, and about each other and how the other person thinks. But the best part of the journey is that we’ll be taking it together. 

"Be Zen and Fix Stuff"

Over the years, I have discovered that I have a rather unusual talent, a talent which I have developed into a skill. The best description I can come up with for it is that I have the ability to “be zen and fix stuff.” In other words, I am the person you want to have around at your wedding or backstage at a theatrical performance or concert to solve problems and deal with emergencies on the fly. For all that I am a tightly wound person under most circumstances, throw me into a crunch situation and I am perfectly calm and serene – particularly if I am not one of the major players.

One sign that I am the “be zen and fix stuff” person is the contents of my purse. I generally carry bandaids, a nail file, various OTC medications, children’s toys, feminine supplies, and assorted hair stuff (barrettes, elastics, bobby pins) at all times. I can deal with a hair disaster, a medical emergency, and a sobbing child without breaking a sweat. And after years of being the ZenFixer, the contents of my purse have expanded to become what I like to call my complete BECHMMOR (Backstage Emergency Costume, Hair, Makeup, Medical, and Other Repairs) kit. 

Should you wish to become a ZenFixer yourself, here are the necessary ingredients for such a kit:

Costume Repairs

• Hand-sewing needles pre-threaded with appropriate colored thread: black, white, navy, tan, and any colors specific to the occasion (e.g., the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses for a wedding or the colors of the singers’ outfits for a concert). Leave one needle unthreaded in case you need a different color.
• Spools of thread in multiple colors, including lights and darks
• Small scissors
• Large scissors
• A seam ripper
• Straight pins
• Safety pins in multiple sizes
• A black sharpie (I wouldn’t use it on a rented tux, but you can use it to “clean” a costume tux in seconds)
• Clear nail polish (best for pantyhose runs but can also help stop small tears in any lightweight fabric from worsening, and can even be used as glue in a pinch)
• Optional: talcum powder or Wite-Out to instantly “clean” white fabrics (especially handy for gentlemen who shaved a bit too close and bled on their shirt collars)
• Optional: spare pantyhose (women wear hose less often than we used to, but in a theatrical or wedding setting when they are being worn, it’s always a good idea to have an extra pair or two on hand)

Hair Repairs

• Bobby pins
• Hair elastics
• Hairspray

Makeup Repairs

• Makeup sponges
• Chapstick (helps prevent lipstick bleeding and dry lips and mouth caused by heavy lipstick, plus a little on your front teeth stops lipstick from getting on them)
• Concealer stick
• Several shades of lipstick
• Makeup remover and cotton balls or Q-tips
• Optional: additional makeup such as eyeshadows, blush, mascara samplers (obviously not wise to share) and disposable makeup brushes and applicators

Medical Emergencies

• Bandaids (flesh-colored, various sizes)
• Pain reliever
• Benadryl (optional: Caladryl lotion)
• Tums or Pepto Bismol tablets
• Cough drops and/or throat lozenges
• Eye drops
• Styptic pencil

Other Repairs

• Tampons
• Deodorant
• Toothpaste
• Breath mints and/or gum
• Nail clippers
• Scotch tape
• Duct tape/electrical tape/gaffer’s tape (in a theatre setting, this is generally already on hand, usually in every color of the rainbow)
• Small screwdriver set
• Tweezers
• A pen and/or a pencil

With this kit, you can fix any emergency from smudged lipstick to a torn hem to an allergic reaction to a blister to someone being locked in the bathroom. You can sew someone into a costume or rip them out. You can soothe their throat and soothe their nerves all at the same time.

You, too, can Be Zen and Fix Stuff!

Home Schooling: The Saga Begins

My son turns 5 this November, so he misses the cutoff for starting kindergarten this year. But he’s already reading on about a second grade level, he can do basic math, he understands a lot of fairly advanced scientific principles, and he can write fairly well (with a little – okay, a LOT – of prompting). Add that to the fact that he’s as tall as your average second (or third!) grader, and it’s clear that it’s time to start home schooling.

My husband and I had actually talked about home schooling as an option long before now. But given my son’s situation, it seems like an obvious solution: home school informally this year, see how it works out for both of us, continue officially for a year or two if it does, and then plug him into public or private school wherever he fits socially and intellectually at the time instead of basing his placement on his birth date alone.

So with area schools starting next week – and his weekly gymnastics and twice-a-week preschool class as well – it makes sense for us to start home schooling next week, too.

Frankly, I’m terrified.

At a certain level, I know I can do this. My mom was an elementary school teacher and a children’s librarian, so I grew up surrounded by worksheets, educational books, and crafts and projects appropriate for kindergarten and first grade. I spent one summer myself teaching grades kindergarten through sixth in a one-room schoolhouse using government curriculum, and I taught preschool Sunday School for years. So I’m not exactly unprepared for this adventure. And yet, when it’s your own child’s educational base and future you’re putting into place, it’s a lot of pressure.

Anyone who knows me well can tell you what I do when I’m under pressure: I research. I look things up, I read books, I search for online articles, I ask other people for their opinions and advice. And I’ve been doing my research for this project for months, even years. My starting place was an excellent book that my husband found for me, called The Year of Learning Dangerously by Quinn Cummings. Ms. Cummings is a former child actor, author, and “free spirit” who opted to home school her daughter in middle school. Much like me, she began her home schooling journey by thorough research. Her book hilariously details how she researched various styles of homeschooling, including dressing as a cult member to crash a home schooling convention and offering to chaperone a stranger’s home school prom. Despite its often tongue-in-cheek humor, her book offers an excellent outline of both the history of home schooling and the many theories and schools of thought regarding the practical application of home schooling.

One of the aspects of her book that I most enjoyed was her description of how home schooling has changed over the years. Home schoolers are no longer predominantly strictly conservative Christian families who home school in order to protect their children from the world (not that there’s anything wrong with that). These days, many families are opting to home school because of learning disorders, bullying, behavioral issues, transportation issues, allergies, and hundreds of other reasons. The variety of home schoolers is as widely-varied as the types of home schooling.

And speaking of types of home schooling, no longer is home schooling inevitably a mom and a single purchased curriculum. Now, home schooling can be done by a parent, a tutor, or an online classroom teacher. And curricula can include bits and pieces from numerous sources, single units purchased piecemeal, online texts, or even no curriculum at all (often called “unschooling”).

With all the choices out there, it’s a little overwhelming. And yet, it’s also reassuring. If one option doesn’t seem to be working out for us, there are dozens of other approaches to try. And with so many families home schooling in so many different ways, there’s plenty of support out there to tap into.

And so, I brace myself to begin. In the words of John Dewey, “Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” Let’s go embrace life!

You Know You're a Potty-Training Mom When...

I am in the process of potty-training two children at once. (Go ahead, make the sign of the Evil Eye. I know I just did.) Every mom – or dad – or preschool teacher – or nanny – or anyone else - who has ever potty-trained a child knows that there are certain universal signs that you are in the throes of this dreaded process. You know you’re a potty training mom when:

• You automatically put a sticker on the chart on the bathroom door every time you (or anyone else in the family) uses the toilet.
• You can’t help but sing, “Flush and wash and be on your way!” every time you finish peeing.
• You sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands. Even in a public restroom.
• You announce to everyone in the room every time you’re about to use the bathroom. And then invite them to join you.
• And you narrate while you’re going.
• You’re more likely to accidentally sit on a child’s potty seat than on a toilet with the lid still up.
• Scrubbing pee off the bathroom floor is part of your bedtime routine, right alongside brushing your teeth and putting on your PJs.
• You occasionally sniff the air suspiciously and ask, “Who needs to go do a poop?”
• Your bathroom closest holds not only towels and toilet paper, but a collection of pull-ups and small underpants.
• And a “treat box” full of temporary tattoos, Dum-Dum lollipops, and snack-size bags of M&Ms.
• You do a choreographed dance any time a child successfully uses the toilet.
• You check for soiled underpants rinsing in the toilet before you pee.
• Your bribery reward list includes trips to Chuck E. Cheese, the Lego store, and the Bouncy House place.
• There are Cheerios floating in the toilet at any given time.
• You can recite “Once Upon a Potty,” “Elmo’s Potty Time,” or “Everybody Poops” without once referencing the book and/or video.
• You do more than one load of laundry every day.
• Ninety percent of that load of laundry consists of underpants and sheets.
• You make everyone in the house “do a try” before you get in the car, even if you’re only going out for 10 minutes.
• You know the location of every public restroom within a 30-mile radius.
• And you’ve used every one of them.

Any other parents out there who are in the throes of this stage? Let’s all remind ourselves that there are very few children who go to kindergarten in diapers. And even fewer who do so in college. And let’s not think about how many parents wind up losing their minds before they reach that stage.

And then let’s all have a glass of wine together.