I Don't Know

When I was young, I always worked very hard in school because I was determined to know everything the teachers had to teach. I hated having to answer, "I don't know," to anything. I still hate having to admit that I don't know something. I hate talking on the phone, especially to strangers and businesses, because I'm afraid they'll ask me a question that I don't have an answer to, and I'll have to say those horrible (to me) words: "I don't know."

Lately, I feel like I'm saying, "I don't know," a lot. The guys came to close my pool and asked where the plugs for the pool skimmers were. "I don't know." Someone asked if I could find a video my husband had taken a few years ago, and again I had to admit, "I don't know." I need to clear the pine needles off the driveway, but do I own a leaf blower? I don't know. I got a letter in the mail telling me I needed a certain document to complete a transaction. What is that document and where do I get it? I don't know. I need to sell my husband's car, and one of the interested parties lives in a different state. Will that affect the paperwork? I don't know. Will I be able to afford medical insurance if the prices go up as much as expected within the next year? I don't know. 

Will I ever feel confident in my ability to function as a competent adult again? I don't know. Will I be able to successfully coach both of my children through learning to drive? I don't know. Will I be able to figure out how to navigate college applications and financial aid forms? I don't know. Will I be able to find a job that pays better than working at a fast food joint? I don't know. Will I be able to find contractors to paint the house and replace the roof without getting conned or overpaying? I don't know. Will I be able to recoup my investment when I sell my house? I don't know. 

Will I ever feel normal again? 

I don't know.