The 2016 Grammy Awards: Red Carpet Review

I missed most of the Grammys last night, but I was looking forward to checking out all the red carpet fashions this morning. What a disappointment!! The vast majority of outfits were downright boring. Even by Oscar/Tony standards, most of these clothes were dull as dishwater. Look at the kinds of things that the “mainline” stars (i.e., anyone that I actually recognized) were wearing.

Adele wore a shapeless gown in basic black with limp hair and zero accessories. Oh honey, you can do so much better than this!

Andra Day’s gown was a lovely color but it was not well-tailored, the hem clumped rather than puddling or floating, and the poofy fur stole and matching shoes were just…weird. And not good weird. Great hair and makeup, though. 

Ariana Grande’s gown was pretty but predictable. Red flared column, spaghetti straps, train. Yawn.

Ashley Monroe’s gown was a gorgeous color on her but it hung like someone had tossed the entire bolt of fabric in her general direction and then snipped off the hem and a huge keyhole decollete. Blah.

Carrie Underwood’s gown was lovely (as always), but combined with her oddly slicked-back hairdo and overdone spray tan, she landed solidly in the “meh” category for me this time. 

Out of this whole batch, Demi Lovato probably came the closest to success, in my opinion. For most other red carpets, this look would have been a win. But it’s entirely too tame for the Grammys. She looks elegant, mature, and glamourous. But the Grammys are the place to be wild, cutting edge, and glam (which is NOT the same thing as glamourous). Cut loose a little, honey. Save this look for the Oscars. 

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Ellie Goulding’s dress at several high school proms. Pretty, but far from couture. And what’s up with the 1980s flipped hair?

Kaley Cuoco’s look was a decent concept, but poorly executed. The vest-style top is baggy at the sides instead of hugging her body, and the pants are just a hair too long to hang properly. Plus, the whole ensemble has an unfinished look to it – it needs some kind of polish or accessory to complete the look. A statement necklace, fabulous bright shoes, or a fancy updo might have worked wonders.

Kasey Musgraves chose fun colors, but the cut and fabric of this gown are just fluffy and dull. It’s like a bad Muppet. 

Selena Gomez’s gown was another in the “pretty but boring” category. It’s a lovely color and I like the side cutouts, but the bodice is just a little bit droopy and again, the look is just too simple and bland for the Grammys. Save it for the Oscars. 

Taylor Swift’s look was a bit closer to what I expect for Grammy couture: not a tradition gown, and showing off her taut abs and mile-long legs. I loved the electric pink skirt that opened at the front to reveal modest, high-waisted briefs, and that ended in a huge soft puddle. But it clashed with the coral bandeau top, which was a bit too simple. A chunky necklace incorporating both colors might have been enough to tie the outfit together and make it work. Bonus points for her new short locks. 

Tori Kelly gown’s was one of my favorites, but not for the Grammys. It’s a gorgeous color, I love the wrap bodice, and the body of the skirt gives it beautiful structure without stiffness. But it’s Oscar, not Grammy. Step outside the box!

Now on to a few folks who did get into the spirit of the Grammys and step outside the box. A few of these were too wild and over the top, but a few hit just the right notes of outrageous but still fashionable. And who else to lead off that pack but Lady Gaga?

As terrifying as I found Gaga’s foot-high red satin platforms, they were a nice nod to the Asian-inspired cobalt blue wrap jacket with swirled black and silver embroidery and samurai-styled sharp shoulder details. The fabric held its shape without looking stiff or uncomfortable, and the bright orange wig and stark, angular makeup were a lovely tribute to David Bowie.

Bella Hadid channeled Morticia Addams in this plunging-fronted black gown with stark, sleek, middle-parted dark hair and a wrap skirt with long tails in front. Daring and edgy, as Grammy fashion should be.

Beyonce attempted to be cutting edge, but I found her look to be all over the map. The bodice (which did not fit as well as it could have) reminded me of the schoolmarm blouses that were all the rage in the early 80s, while the lace detailing and tulle skirt were reminiscent of a wedding gown. And her slicked-back hair against the full gown threw off her proportions. Not a successful look for her. 

On the other hand, I loved Bonnie McKee’s look. Her cropped metallic suit with wide-open front was softened by her feminine pale pink waved hair and adorable pink shoes, resulting in a look that was sultry yet flirty and revealing yet not over the top. A great Grammys look. 

I was fascinated by Skylar Grey’s gown. It began at the neck with a heavy fabric collar that descended into a semi-see-through bodice of painted faces that went down to her knees, with see-through fitted arms and a long, transparent drape falling from her shoulders to the floor. It was both covered up and revealing, with an exotic look that didn’t quite land in a single era or ethnicity. The tightly twisted, high bun was the perfect topper.

 Zendaya Coleman changed up her look significantly since last I saw her on the red carpet. Looking very boyish in this straight-cut double-breasted suit with a honey-blond mullet, she seems to be trying to prove that she’s not a Disney kid any more. It may not be the most successful attempt to send that message, but she’s definitely working the look and I respect her for it.

And here are the completely wild and over the top looks! This is why I love the Grammys’ red carpet: the insanity. The delicious, sartorial insanity.

Jacqueline Van Bierk wore a fabulous, futuristic, fairy-winged concoction that was right off the cover of a fantasy novel. Black leaves sprouted from her shoulders like wings, a long shiny cape fell from her shoulders and puddled on the floor, leather gauntlets sported bright pink feathers, and tiny leaves twined down the front of her transparent bodysuit providing just enough coverage. Topped with a black and pink ponytail fountaining from the top of her head and electric pink platform gladiator sandals, Van Bierk completely embodied the spirit of wild Grammy fashion.

 Joy Villa showed off all her assets in this strappy, spiky “bodysuit” over a g-string and not much else. Paired with studded leather gauntlets and topped off with a Vegas showgirl headdress, Villa certainly made a statement on the red carpet.

Manika looked like she had stepped directly out of a circus ring onto the red carpet, wearing a fringed, spangled silver bikini with a gauzy, near-invisible overlay and silver ankle boots. I’m only surprised she didn’t arrive riding an elephant.

And last, but by no means least, Dencia takes the cake for the weirdest (if also the most comfortable) red carpet look of all.

Her bedazzled Pepto Bismol pink “Hello Kitty” snuggie was complete with multiple stuffed Hello Kitty dolls sewn onto the legs and a diamond Chanel logo brooch. Her platform sandals appeared to be encrusted with multicolored shells and beads, her fuzzy platinum wig was topped with a pair of pink polka-dot hair bows, and she finished off the look with pink jeweled cats eye glasses. Huh?

The 2015 VMA Awards – Red Carpet Review

Wow, it seems like forever since I’ve posted a red carpet review. And this one is certainly a doozy. The stars really….well, “outdid themselves” isn’t quite the right expression. “Let it all hang out” might be more literally applicable. It was a veritable ocean of skin and cleavage and sideboob out there on the red carpet.

Let’s start with the worst offender: Miley Cyrus and her silver-duct-tape-and-part-of-a-chandelier look:

Miley has a beautiful figure. And when she’s not wearing a goofy, lascivious expression with her tongue wrapped halfway around her head, she also has a beautiful face. But the weird Star Trek alien princess look is too over the top, even for the VMAs. We get that you want to be considered an adult, Miley. We even get that you want everyone to know that you’re comfortable with your own sexuality. But we still don’t want that sexuality rubbed in our faces quite so blatantly. Toss a sheer little frock or skin-toned leotard under this and it could have been cutting-edge couture without being gross. The diamond loincloth is actually lovely, and the silver boots are fabulous. Even the funky tiara kind of works. Maybe Miley needs to reverse Coco Chanel’s advice, and after she finishes getting dressed, put one thing back ON.

Miley could have used Nicki Minaj as an example of being very sexy and showing some skin without going totally overboard. 

Nicki’s gold, figure-hugging gown was cut down to her navel and had peekaboo skirt panels all the way up her thighs. It might have been over the top at the Oscars, but here at the VMAs, it hit just the right notes. Her sleek, shiny raven hair and understated makeup kept the look not too outrageous. She looked stunning and sexy. This ensemble was an absolute win for her.

Serayah had another skin-revealing yet somehow relatively conservative look.

Worn over a very modest white bikini, her all-white ensemble was shredded all over, covering yet revealing at the same time. I loved the way the fabric strips were echoed in her high, white gladiator sandals. I would have loved to have seen a pop of either color or sparkly metallic or gems in a clutch, choker, or earrings, but with her beautiful coloring, sleeked-back hair, and exotic eyes, she still looked stunning in the pure white.

Kat Graham chose to go with a very different look – more casual and less revealing, but still totally eye-catching.

Her brightly patterned strapless minidress was kicky and fun, and paired with her cute curly retro ‘do, sky-high black stilettos, and floor-brushing tasseled bag, she looked ready to party.

Demi Lovato also went with a cocktail dress rather than a gown. 

I liked the dress itself, with the graceful art deco lines and the plunging neckline. I loved the matching shoes. I even loved the matching retro frosted pink makeup. But the color was all wrong for her, making her look faded and drab. The exact same dress in fire engine red or emerald green would have been absolutely stunning, but the pale pink just didn’t work on her.

For the ultimate in conservative and covered up, yet completely sexy, Selena Gomez showed us how to do it right. 

With a slight sheen and texture to the fabric, figure-hugging silhouette, almost-see-through sleeves, and a racy leather placket on the just barely zipped-down zipper on the bodice, Selena shows how to show it off without showing it. The unrelieved black from her hair to her shoes to her nail polish to her jewelry added a touch of class. This was a fantastic look all around.

Taylor Swift also opted for a surprisingly toned-down look, which unfortunately didn’t work for me. 

It certainly wasn’t awful; the shoes were fantastic, her hair and makeup were great, and I even liked the fabric. In fact, I really liked the long-sleeved, midriff-baring top. I guess it was just the pants that ruined the outfit for me. High-waisted, flood-length metallic sweatpants can’t even be pulled off by Taylor Swift. A full miniskirt, a long pencil skirt with a deep slit, even a pair of tight Mary Tyler Moore capris would have worked. But the bagginess and awkward length just fell flat.

A patterned metallic look that worked much better was the gown worn by Keltie Knight.

The body-hugging, clingy silhouette and broad V-neck were sexy, but balanced by long sleeves and no leg showing. The skirt had a great is-it-or-isn’t-it see-through look, with a black brief seeming to show through just a bit. I loved the 1920s-style feather pattern on the skirt and the narrow gold belt. I didn’t love the overdone bronzer and nude lipstick, but did appreciate that the colors were in keeping with the palette of the dress, unifying the look. Overall, it was a look that really worked well.

Rocsi Diaz was a good example of almost but not quite.

Let me start off by saying that I WANT THOSE SHOES. The narrow metallic toe strap, the tiny black ankle strap, and the fabulous black and white butterflies covering the heels were just fantastic. And her gorgeous shiny hair and absolutely perfect makeup could not possibly have been any better. But the dress…the concept is terrific, but the execution is just a tiny bit off. Asymmetry is wonderful and eye-catching, but if it makes your boobs look uneven or mismatched, it doesn’t work. The concept of a simple, snug-fitting pencil skirt with an unusual top is a terrific one, but a skirt should never be so tight that it shows you belly-button or has crinkles between your thighs. That’s not fitted; that’s badly fitted. If the cutout over the cleavage had been slightly narrower to balance the bust, and the skirt had been merely snug instead of tight, this would have been one of the best looks of the night.

Vanessa Hudgens’ was another almost but not quite look for me.

Like Diaz, the concept was great, but the execution was a bit lacking. The “woodland nymph” concept is a great idea for her, with her exotic pixie face and that gorgeous long mane of wavy hair. I loved the gems tucked in her hair and the forward-arching drop earrings; I loved the huge stack of gold bangles and the oversized butterfly ring. I even loved the long ivory crescent moon necklace. But the long mop of hair was competing with and drawing focus from the necklace. And as much as I loved the 3-D flowers on the skirt, the look was too busy against all the jewelry above. Just a few carefully placed flowers would have toned it down beautifully. The dark champagne color blended into her skin, which normally wouldn’t work for me, but with all the other details going on, that actually made a smooth canvas for the woodland theme that I really liked. So not a perfect look, but very, very close. A little bit less would have been a whole lot more.

There were a number of outfits that weren’t terrible but were just kind of blah and unmemorable for me.

Brandi Cyrus wore a black lace and spangles minidress that just left me flat – cute shoes, though.

Zuri Hall’s plain white cocktail dress was more suited to the junior prom than the VMAs. Not horrible, just too bland and boring for this event. But I do love the Tiffany-blue snakeskin bag.

Tori Kelly’s romper was another not horrible but boring look. It wasn’t particularly flattering, it didn’t have any eye-catching details, it was just kind of…there. At least her wild mop of blond curls screamed VMAs.

Kelli Osborne tends to be hit or miss on the red carpet, and this outfit is a definite miss. The double-breasted top is begging to be fitted, not baggy, and the pinstripes on the skirt (or possibly pants) going in multiple directions break up the lines and look wrinkled and badly fitting. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen her wear, but I can’t like this one because I know she can do so much better. She is wearing great shoes, and judging by her big crimson grin she’s having a great time, and that’s really what matters most.

And last, but not least, Jillian Michaels (nope, I don’t have any idea why she was at the VMAs, either) wore an outfit that should have been terrific but for some reason just fell flat. I actually like the red satin capris, and the matching red satin lace-up sandals are to die for. But I think the complete monotone palette from the waist up is what brings the boring. Her golden hair, golden tan, and gold mesh crop top all blend together to vanish into the background. As tacky as it might sound, a matching red satin bra under the gold top might have broken up the expanse of gold enough to pull the look together.

But please don’t tell Jillian I didn’t love her outfit. She’d break me in half.