Photo A Day, Day 21: Close

The word “close” can be pronounced two ways, with correspondingly different meanings. Said with a soft, hissing “s” at the end, it is an adjective meaning “near” or “intimate” or “secretive.” But pronounced with a hard “s,” a buzzing “z” sound at the end, it is a verb meaning “shut” or “obstructed” or “inaccessible.” There are many moments during an average day when I could illustrate the former meaning: snuggling in bed with my kids when they come in to greet me in the morning, hugging my husband when he gets home after a long day of work, wrestling on the couch with the kids before bedtime. But one of the most wonderful parts of my day refers to the latter meaning: it happens when I put the kids to bed and close the door to their bedroom.

That simple word “close” represents such freedom. Close the door to having to be on alert at all times. Close the door to concentrating on someone else instead of myself. Close the door to wearing the “mom” hat. Close the door to making sure that everyone has eaten and used the bathroom and read the proper books and found the right toys.

Don’t get me wrong; I love being a mom. I love being on alert, on concentrating on others, and wearing the “mom” hat. I even love making sure that everyone has eaten and used the bathroom and read a book and enjoyed a toy. But I also love that moment when I can close off that part of me and just be me. The me which has a part that’s a mom, but also a part that’s a wife, and a part that’s a singer, and a part that’s a writer, and a part that’s a seamstress, and a part that’s a bookworm. There are many parts of me on the other side of that door, and all I have to do to find them is to close it.