The Penultimate (Kind of) First Day of School

This morning, I took "First Day of School" photos of my two children on the front porch for the eleventh time. I home schooled my son for his kindergarten year, and when my daughter began public kindergarten the next year he went to first grade at public school, so it's always been the two of them. Next year will be his senior year, and therefore the last time I take a photograph of the two of them together heading off to school.  

I doubt they think of it as much of a milestone. But it's a big milestone for me. The end of high school, whether it's followed by college or work or the military, whether they live on their own or come back to live at home for a while, marks the beginning of adulthood and a new kind of independence. 

I'm reasonably sure they'll both be ready when the time comes. But me? I'm not so sure. One of my goals for this year is to let them be more in charge of managing their own schedules, getting themselves up and ready for school and other events, taking care of their own spaces around the house, doing their own laundry, staying on top of their schoolwork without much prompting from me, cooking family meals on occasion, and managing their own money. In other words, getting them up to speed on a lot of the practical "adulting skills" that they'll need when Mom isn't there to do it for them. But I also need to make sure I'm getting myself ready for when they aren't here. 

It's a very different sort of getting ready. 

What kinds of skills will I need when they're not here? As a (still relatively recent) widow, that list has changed since I originally thought out the situation. The original plan was retirement and travel. Visiting far-off friends; exploring new places. Taking up some new hobbies. Exploring new restaurants. Hiring people to get our house in shape to sell, and relocating somewhere. But now the idea of travel is less appealing. I have fewer far-off connections. I have less interest in eating or starting a hobby by myself. Selling the house might happen earlier than anticipated and in a less "polished" shape than might be ideal. I suspect I'll be tempted to be more involved in my kids' lives than I would have been if I still had a partner. My family will not be shrinking down from "me plus three" to "the two of us," but to "just me." I will no longer have family living in the house with me. (At least for a while. After that, who knows.) Learning to live with that will take some skills. 

I'm not quite sure how to develop those skills, or how to prepare for that transition. It will probably involve developing more relationships outside of my family, a task which is incredibly difficult for my introverted, socially awkward self. It might involve spending more time downsizing my stuff and researching what my steps could be, even as I'm researching what my kids' next steps could be. It will definitely involve finding my own identity outside of being a mother, even as I've had to redefine my own identity outside of being a wife. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I have time to figure it out. 

Just not quite as much time as I thought. 

Back to School Fashions: Little Boys

Since I posted a bunch of great back-to-school fashions for little girls yesterday, it's only fair that I post something similar for little boys today, right? I used to think that boys' clothes were nowhere near as fun as girls' clothes - and that may be true for dressy clothes, but for everyday, casual wear, it definitely isn't any more. Boys have cool cargo pants, awesome graphic tees, and fun sweatshirts and jackets. And here are some of the best - and the cheapest.

My daughter is generally capable of putting together an outfit that is reasonably coordinated; my son, however, will throw on anything he can find, whether or not it matches (and whether or not it's clean, for that matter). So these pre-matched sets are great. Minions go with minions, lions with lions, Batman with Batman. Even my fashion-challenged son can manage that. And for $11-$13, you can fill his closet with these goof-proof sets from Burlington Coat Factory.

 

 

Boys go through tee-shirts like nobody's business, both in terms of having them always be in the laundry, and in terms of ripping or staining them past wearability. So stock up on these solid, striped, and print tees from Old Navy, at $6 or $8 each.

My son is very hard on pants - not to mention that he outgrows them very quickly! So this is another item we stock up on. Since he sometimes struggles with buttons and zippers, I love these elastic-waist cargo pants from Old Navy. $17 a pair.

 

Although he'd much rather wear graphic t-shirts every day, I like for my son to wear polo shirts every now and then. It's easy enough to find plain colors for $5 or $6, but these brightly-colored striped polos are still less than $10 at Crazy8.

 

 

Speaking of graphic tees, head over to Macy's for a ton of graphic tees for $7 each. Not only the Avengers, TMNT, Spiderman, and Star Wars, but Super Mario, Finding Dory, Lego, and lots more. You'll definitely find your boy's favorites here!

 

 

And if you want something warmer, JC Penney has great long-sleeved graphic shirts for $12 each. Stock up on Spiderman, Batman, Star Wars, the Avengers, Lego, Sonic the Hedgehog, Teen Titans, Paw Patrol, TMNT, and more.

 

 

But if you're at the other end of the spectrum and want something cooler, Kohl's has a collection of cotton shorts from $8-$12. Casual enough for comfort but a bit dressier than athletic shorts, these rugged shorts are the perfect balance between the ratty loose shorts he wants to wear and the crisp, dressy shorts you'd like him to wear. And most important, they have nice, deep pockets for whatever he might find out on the playground and need to bring home with him!

Happy shopping!

Staples Got It Right, or, It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

You remember this commercial, don't you? The first time you heard it, I'm sure you wondered why the TV was playing Christmas music in August (or, more likely, July). But then you watched this exuberant dad riding through the aisles of Staples on his shopping cart, happily buying back-to-school supplies for his stonefaced children to the refrain of the Christmas song, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." The clear implication being, of course, that parents see the first day of school as being even more wonderful than Christmas.

I got it, but I never REALLY got it until this year, when I actually WILL be sending both my children off to school at 8am on Tuesday, August 30th. (And yes, I do know exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it is until then.)

Don't get me wrong: I love my kids, and I love spending time with them. But after nearly 7 years of stay-at-home parenthood, I need a break. THEY need a break. Sure, they've gone to nursery school and gymnastics and dance classes and playdates and all kinds of other activities that have gotten them out of the house and listening to other adults besides me. But there's something different about school.

I think it's because school is an unavoidable, long-term commitment. Nursery school lasts for only two or three years; kids may eventually lose interest in gymnastics and dance or turn to other interests; playdates and friends will change over time. But school will take up the majority of their time and focus for the next 13 years. How they perform over those 13 years will shape their futures.

It's a pretty big deal.

I will no longer be the primary educator and disciplinarian in their lives. From 8am until 3pm every weekday, someone else will make and enforce the rules. They will have multiple new authority figures who are not Mom or Dad. That is a huge change for them and for me.

I'm confident that they'll deal well with the change. I've given them a solid base of self-confidence, personal skills, and curiosity which should serve them well in a school setting. They have respect for authority, interest in learning, and a friendly outlook. I've spent the past 5+ years preparing them for this moment.

But no-one's been preparing me.

For the past 7 years, a huge part of my identity has been being a stay-at-home parent. My JOB was to be a parent. And I was on call 24/7 at that job. Yes, I have an awesome co-worker, but he has a full-time job of his own, so I was the primary on this job. And my hours have suddenly been slashed. I'm still pretty important, but I suddenly find myself with unassigned time to be filled. And I'm not quite sure what to do with that.

Maybe I'll get a job outside the home. Maybe I'll find work I can do from home. Maybe I'll finally write that best-seller that my husband is convinced I have inside me. I just don't know. It's a little terrifying, but it's also a little exciting.

And it's very definitely the most wonderful time of the year.