It's Not How You Finish, It's How You Start

Let me begin this entry with a confession: My house is a mess. 

This is not even the messiest room. The sink is full of dirty dishes because I haven't emptied the dishwasher. The toilets need scrubbing. There is definitely toothpaste in all the sinks. There is dust and cat hair on every flat surface. Housecleaning has simply not been my priority of late. 

My priority of late has been getting out of bed. Taking a shower. Brushing my teeth. Making sure my kids have what they need for school. Feeding everyone. Running an occasional load of laundry. Keeping up with the bills. The most basic of basics: Sleep, food, hygiene, shelter. To say that I am struggling to find motivation is a huge understatement. It's hard to get started with anything, because every task feels so overwhelming. And if I can't finish it, why start it?

Because it will eventually need to be finished, that's why. Because starting something is exactly that: a start. The laundry piles and dust kitties won't get smaller, the grass won't get shorter, the paperwork won't get easier, the bathrooms won't get cleaner. Starting those tasks doesn't mean they'll go away, but it will keep them manageable for those moments when I do have the energy and the motivation to work on them. 

And the funny thing about getting started, especially when you're struggling with grief or depression, is that it makes it easier to keep going. Since it was comfortably cool this morning, I decided I would tackle mowing the back yard after the kids went to school, before I took a shower. I told myself that if I ran out of steam, I could skip the far side of the yard that isn't really visible, which made it easier to make myself start. And guess what? Not only did I finish the whole back yard, I mowed half of the front yard as well. 

And since that looked so good, I emptied the dishwasher and filled it up again. It was so nice to have a semi-clean sink that I kept going and hand-washed the oversized pot lid that doesn't fit in the dishwasher and scrubbed the cookie sheet that had been soaking for a day or two. The kitchen is still kind of a mess: the stovetop needs scrubbing, the crumb catcher of the toaster needs to be emptied, there are a few pantry items on the table that have yet to find their way into the pantry. I won't be finishing this task today. 

But I started. 

Momentum is a beautiful thing. And emotional momentum is an even more beautiful thing. Both grief and depression tend to feed off themselves, creating an emotional downward spiral that's difficult to break out of. But if you just start, sometimes that momentum will move you out of that spiral. Doing just part of what needs to be done can inspire you to keep going. And if you don't keep going? So what? You still did something. Now there's less to do. You took a step in the right direction. 

Looking at my "to do" list, I don't know how I'll ever finish it. But at least I can start. 

Little Pleasures in the Time of Pandemic

As we approach our 8th month of the pandemic, along with its accompanying isolation, masking, remote learning, testing, quarantine, etc., I find myself needing to consciously make an effort to find positives. Not necessarily "this is better than when we're not quarantined," but merely, "this is a good thing that we can still enjoy."

Today, I have challenged myself to come up with 100 things that I - and many of us - can enjoy, be satisfied by, and look forward to, even under quarantine. How many more can you think of?

1. A beautiful sunrise.

2. A beautiful sunset.

3. Birdsong in the trees.

4. Listening to a favorite song.

5. The laughter of children.

6. Eating a delicious meal prepared by a loved one.

7. Snuggling with a sleepy child.

8. The sound of rain on the rooftop.

9. The smell of wood smoke from a neighbor's chimney.

10. The excitement of learning a new skill.

11. Hearing from an old friend.

12. Making a new friend.

13. Going for a walk in the woods.

14. The acrobatic grace of a squirrel walking on a wire.

15. Overhearing your child helping a friend with their schoolwork.

16. The smell of a fresh cup of coffee in the morning.

17. A hot bath.

18. Watching a movie and being surprised by the twist you didn't see coming.

19. A mug of tea and a good book.

20. Kneading bread dough.

21. Waking up in the morning with a cold nose but warm feet.

22. Rummaging through a drawer and finding that thing you thought had been lost forever.

23. Successfully repairing something around your house.

24. A really good hair day.

25. That fresh feeling you get right after you brush your teeth.

26. Finding a penny on the ground.

27. The smell after it rains. (It's called "petrichor," in case you were wondering.)

28. An owl hooting in the darkness.

29. A funny Facebook post that made you literally LOL.

30. A good cry.

31. Dancing while cooking dinner.

32. A phone call from a friend.

33. A vase of flowers on the kitchen table.

34. Peeling an apple in a single, long peel.

35. The squeaky sound that the nuthatches make when they land on the bird feeder.

36. The patterns of frost on the window pane.

37. Helping your child with their homework, and suddenly they "get it."

38. Someone playing an instrument.

39. Going for a walk with someone you love.

40. The smell of freshly-baked cookies.

41. Finding an open parking space close by when you're running late.

42. Warm socks.

43. A friendly dog.

44. Watching the squirrels chase each other through the trees.

45. Folding laundry that's still warm from the dryer.

46. Singing along to your favorite song from high school.

47. A hawk making lazy circles in the sky.

48. When what you needed to buy anyway is on sale.

49. Getting in the shortest checkout line.

50. Catching an old favorite movie on TV.

51. Reaching your next freebie on your frequent buyer card.

52. The excitement of a package arriving with something you forgot you'd ordered.

53. Playing board games with your kid and not letting them beat you but they beat you anyway.

54. Catching a glimpse of a wild animal in your yard.

55. Those few quiet moments when you're the only one home.

56. A video call with family far away.

57. Wearing your pajamas all day.

58. Discovering a new kind of shampoo that smells AMAZING.

59. The soothing sound of a grandfather clock announcing the hour.

60. Getting kudos from your boss.

61. That second cup of coffee in the morning.

62. When you stretch just right and your back magically unkinks.

63. Paying for the person behind you at the drive-through.

64. Pizza delivery.

65. Sunshine through the red leaves of an autumn tree.

66. When you know the answer to that really hard crossword clue AND how to spell it.

67. Finding a new favorite TV series to binge-watch.

68. Finding an old favorite TV series to binge-watch.

69. When your favorite author releases a new book.

70. Watching your kids watch one of your favorite movies for the first time.

71. Jumping in a pile of leaves.

72. How light you feel right after a haircut.

73. Chapstick.

74. Making pancakes in fun shapes.

75. Bacon.

76. Flannel pajamas.

77. Being tagged in someone's Facebook post because they were thinking of you.

78. A poem that says just what you needed to hear.

79. A raccoon lumbering through your yard (but not rummaging through your trash).

80. Automatic garage door openers.

81. A really good glass of wine.

82. A smell that suddenly brings you back to your childhood.

83. Looking through old photo albums.

84. Sitting outside and being cold but not TOO cold.

85. Tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

86. Guessing whodunnit and being right.

87. When you plug in the charging cord and it goes in right the first time.

88. Car seat warmers.

89. Sitting and noodling at the piano, even if you're not very good.

90. Wearing your favorite outfit.

91. When the sun peeks under the shades but you know you don't have to get up yet.

92. Eating Captain Crunch for breakfast and drinking the rest of the milk directly from the bowl, like when you were a kid.

93. When a lot of people "like" your Facebook post.

94. A mockingbird going through his whole repertoire when it's not 4am.

95. Milk and cookies.

96. Watching it snow.

97. Finishing a project that's been half-done forever.

98. The sound of autumn leaves crunching underfoot.

99. Trying a new restaurant that turns out to be FABULOUS.

100. When you can tell someone's smiling at you, even under their mask.

They're all little things, but if you think about how many you experience in a day, they add up. But you need to look for them, or they'll slip by unnoticed. So if you're feeling down lately, as I am, try looking for the little things. Write them down, even. It's not going to fix everything that's going wrong at the moment in this world, but it just might help make things a little more manageable. 

We CAN get through this. We WILL get through this. Let's all keep looking for the positives to help us keep our heads up. Let's all work to help each other. No matter what your situation, no matter who you are, you have struggles, and you have blessings. Look for those blessings, and I'm sure you'll find some!