Holly Go-Lightly

I have always prided myself on being an excellent packer. I figure out ahead of time exactly what I’ll need, I pack clothes in a single color palette so everything matches everything else, I roll instead of fold, I bring one all-purpose sweater instead of several warmer outfits, I pack socks inside shoes, I wear my bulkiest outfit instead of packing it, I figure out ways to make every item I bring have multiple uses. I can pack for a week in a single backpack and still have room to bring home souvenirs. Just call me Holly Go-Lightly.

Actually, I should have written that previous paragraph in the past tense. Because I USED to do all those things. When I was single and packing for just myself, all those things were true. Now that I have kids, forget about it.

When you’re a single adult, you don’t have to plan for a lot of contingencies. It’s possible that you’ll spill wine on your blouse, it’s conceivable that you’ll break a sandal strap, it’s within the realm of possibility that you’ll catch your heel in the of hem your skirt and tear it. But the chances of anything like that happening are so small that you don’t even plan for it other than maybe packing one extra blouse. But with small children, there’s a VERY high probability that clothes will get stained, or wet, or torn (or, in the case of shoes or socks, lost), usually once a day or so. So instead of packing one outfit a day – or less, assuming you’ll get a couple of days’ wear out of a pair of pants - you pack two for every day plus a couple of spares on top of that. And you never assume you'll get a second day's wear out of ANYTHING.

And that’s only clothes. Now add in the entertainment stuff. The single me might have packed one paperback book (or these days, a Kindle) to keep myself entertained on the road. Now, for each of my kids, I have to pack a stuffed animal, one toy for every hour of airplane time (both ways), a couple of bedtime books (fortunately, these can be shared), a special blanket (for the baby), a coloring book or sketchpad (for the preschooler), and a few emergency snacks.

And don’t get me started on the “personal care items.” Diapers (two sizes), swim diapers (two sizes), baby wipes, changing pad, diaper cream, baby Advil, child Advil, baby Benadryl, child Benadryl, bandaids, first aid cream, baby shampoo (hotel shampoo is rough on little eyes), formula, bottles, sippy cups, child-sized forks and spoons, and bibs.

And that IS traveling light! If we were traveling heavy I’d have to add two high chairs, a Pack & Play, a collapsible bed tent, a double stroller, a jogger-stroller, two car seats, and a full-size changing pad. (Oh wait, we’re bringing the double stroller. OK, scratch that off the “packing heavy” list.)

At least I can still pack lightly for myself. Which is fortunate, since there’s not much room left in my suitcase!

I Think We're Gonna Need a Bigger Car

Last summer, Herb and I went camping at Lafayette State Park in NH. It’s a beautiful woodsy spot in the mountains. We set up our tent, cooked on an open fire, and hiked through the mountains. We had such a wonderful time that we decided to do it again this summer. But of course, this summer Ryan is on the outside instead of on the inside, which means a BIG difference in packing.

Traveling with a baby requires a lot of packing. And camping requires a lot of packing. So when you combine the two, we’re talking a LOT of stuff. In fact, I don’t think we’ll be able to fit everything we need into the car. Last summer the car was stuffed to the gills, and this summer we need to also accommodate a car seat, a Pack & Play, a stroller, a framepack for hiking, possibly a high chair, plus Ryan’s clothes, toys, diapers, and food. Plus, we have a bigger tent this year.

You’d think that living in the woods for a few days would be simpler than living at home, and would therefore require less stuff. Your needs are pretty basic, right? Food, shelter, clothes, and not much else. But food requires not only the actual food, but something to cook it in, something to eat it with, and some way to clean up afterwards. So pack the basic foodstuffs: cereal, milk, juice, peanut butter, jelly, bread, burgers and dogs, buns for the burgers and dogs, condiments, soda, and of course graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate (it’s not really camping until you’ve made s’mores, after all). (And will hard-core campers think less of us if we add to that list two filets mignon, fresh summer squash, red bliss potatoes and a bottle of wine for that first dinner? It’s a little tradition of ours.) But of course, a good deal of that needs to be refrigerated, so add in a larger cooler with ice. Then add in paper plates and cups, napkins, plastic cutlery, a few pots and pans, and a camp stove (don’t forget the propane), plus a sharp knife, a spatula, and toasting forks. And then some dish detergent, a basin, a jerrican for hauling water, some sponges, and a dishtowel or two. Oh, and a kettle for heating wash water on the stove. Then comes shelter: a large tent (with fly and partitions), a tarp to put it on, an inflatable air mattress, two sleeping bags, two pillows, and a Pack & Play with its mattress and linens.

And we haven’t even gotten to clothes! You’d think those would be simple, but again, it’s more complicated than it seems at first glance. This being New Hampshire in the summer, you need to plan for all contingencies of weather. Could be 40 degrees, could be over 100. Could be sunny, could be rainy. So you pack shorts, jeans, T-shirts, sweatshirts, a windbreaker, a rain poncho, warm pajamas, cool pajamas, sneakers and socks, hiking shoes, sandals, and a bathing suit (don’t forget the towels). Multiply that by two adults and a baby (who often goes through multiple outfits a day) and there’s another whole carload of stuff right there.

Then of course you have all the other bits and pieces: toothbrushes, hairbrushes, soap and shampoo, first aid kit, paper towels, tinfoil, an extra backpack, cooking spray, salt and pepper, flashlights, a lantern, bug spray, sunscreen, matches, firestarters, citronella candles, a few board games, folding camp chairs, and a crossword puzzle book or two. Luckily, most of that stuff is small and can be crammed into the nooks and crevices between the larger stuff.

But of course, the biggest difficulty is when you’re headed home, and despite the fact that you’ve eaten most of your foodstuffs, thrown away a bunch of paper goods, and used up a lot of your toiletries, everything remaining has magically expanded so it no longer fits in the car. Many families I know upsized to larger cars or even a minivan or an SUV after they had kids, and I pooh-poohed the idea. We can easily manage with our existing cars! But camping might be the one thing that sends us over the edge. Unless of course, we just bring both cars. Hey, that’s not such a bad idea, come to think of it…

Oh, I'm a Travellin' Man

Before we left for our California trip, I was quite apprehensive about how Ryan would manage. The long plane trip, the time change, the unfamiliar surroundings, the change in feeding and sleeping schedule…even for such a laid-back baby, those are an awful lot of changes all at once. But I am pleased to say that he came through like a champ!

Our flight out had 4 other babies on board, so I was relieved that any apprehension the other passengers might have about a baby crying would at least be spread around. And I was even more relieved when Ryan fell asleep just before takeoff. Unfortunately, that nap didn’t last too long – but in general, he was very well-behaved when he woke up. Out of the six-hour flight, I’d say he napped for two hours, fussed for one, and played for the other three. As I predicted, he charmed the flight attendant and at one point when he was fussy, she took him for a walk up and down the aisle. Being the social animal that he is, he was quickly distracted by looking at all the people on the plane. He was soon grinning and humming and flailing his arms with excitement, much to the delight of the other passengers. Phew, hurdle number 1 was over.

Then came the hurdle of the time change and sleeping schedule. Ryan was awake but completely spaced out while we took the airport shuttle to pick up our rental car and loaded him in to drive to the hotel. Once we got him fed, changed, and settled in to the crib, it was 11:30pm local time, which meant it was 2:30am by Ryan’s body clock. Not surprisingly, he zonked out immediately. And then, at 4:00am, my worst fears were realized: his body clock told him it was 7am and time to wake up, and he started crying. But I laid down with him on the spare bed and snuggled with him, and he soon fell back to sleep as exhaustion got the better of him. He woke up again at 7:30, and I hoped against hope that his internal clock had been reset.

Throughout the week, he was terrific at managing naps wherever he was when he needed them, without getting too horribly fussy beforehand. He napped in the car, in the stroller, in my arms – wherever he happened to be, he just dropped off. And he almost always woke up calmly, without yelling or fussing. He would just sleep long enough to refresh himself, then wake with a happy smile for whoever was nearby.

His good behavior continued nearly every time we were out socializing and introduced him to a group. He was contented and friendly when we had lunch with friends at Apple Computer (although he did get quite solemn when Steve Jobs came through), he was reasonably quiet during a friend’s graduation ceremony and was happy to play with everyone at the post-graduation party, he definitely had on his party manners for his sister’s graduation and post-graduation dinner, and he could not have been sweeter at the barbeque and croquet party for the graduates the next day. Even during our visit to the Monterey Aquarium, he was quiet and curious and enjoyed watching both the fish and the other children. And of course, the photos from our family photo shoot are evidence of what a happy boy he was during that particular outing.

But the trip home was his pinnacle of perfect behavior. We were sitting in the second row of the plane, and had sat him up in the empty seat between us (with his seatbelt securely fastened, of course), and he cheerfully grinned and cooed at all the passengers as they got on board, chortling and slapping his knees with delight. Even the weariest-looking travelers gave him a smile or a wave in return. Once everyone was on board, he settled in with his bottle for a few minutes, and promptly fell asleep as we were taxiing to the runway. He slept soundly for the entire flight, waking only when Daddy put him on his lap to prepare for landing – and as he had all week, he woke with a smile. He spent the last few minutes on board staring out the window at the runway lights in absolute fascination.

He’s too young to remember this trip when he’s grown up, but judging from his behavior on this one, he’ll have many more wonderful and enjoyable trips throughout his lifetime that he will remember!

Massachusetts Is from Mars, California Is from Venus

I just flew back from a weeklong trip to California (and boy, are my arms tired!), and I’ve never been so happy to be back in my own house. It was a difficult trip partly because it was our first long trip away from home with Ryan – complete with 3-hour time change, two six-hour plane flights, a lack of refrigeration for formula, and no set schedule or rarely convenient napping or diaper-changing places – but mostly because California is just a different universe for me.

Honestly, if I didn’t know I had gotten there on an ordinary, run-of-the-mill, standard issue airplane, I’d have been convinced I had just landed on an alien planet. Just walking through the airport made me feel like I was in a sci-fi movie. I’ve never seen so many skinny, tanned, attractive blondes (of both genders). I’m not sure where they hide the ugly, fat people in California, but they weren’t much in evidence anywhere I was except for my bathroom mirror. Seriously, I’m not heavy by anyone’s standards and although I’m not cover model material I’m not bad looking, but in California I feel like Quasimodo lumbering through the streets. I do get a bit of a kick out of the irony that a state so dedicated to the green movement (reduce/reuse/recycle, go organic, be natural) is so replete with fake nails, fake boobs, and fake tans.

There is certainly a strong dedication to looks in California, as evidenced by the average strip mall. In Massachusetts, a strip mall is something like: Dunkin Donuts, Dollar Store, Subway, KFC, mom & pop convenience store, ATM. In California, it’s more like: Pilates studio, tanning salon, hair salon, nail salon, tae kwon do studio, waxing salon, flipflop store, Starbucks. And again, the irony is that California is so much more casual than Massachusetts. No-one in California ever wears pantyhose, even to the most formal event. Flipflops are the footwear of the day for all occasions. “Business casual” means you should probably wear shoes and a shirt. "Casual Fridays" are unheard of - you can't get much more casual without getting obscene. The only person I ever saw wearing a tie was my Massachusetts-born husband. Jeans, shorts, and T-shirts are acceptable dress just about everywhere.

And to get back to the “green” thing for a moment, California is the mother lode of green living. You almost never see a trash can without a recycle bin next to (or part of) it. Everyone carries their own reusable shopping bags. There are bike lanes on all the major roads so everyone rides their bikes to run errands or even to commute to work. And as for cars – well, let’s just say our rental was a Prius. We didn’t ask for it, that’s just what they have. It wasn’t a bad car, although it took us about 5 minutes and a look at the user’s manual just to figure out how to start the engine. And we had to make a mental note of the license plate, because everywhere we went there were a bunch of identical gray Priuses (Priusses? Prii?) in the parking lot. I managed to drive it once (about 2 blocks) and lived to tell the tale, although I wouldn’t want to do it on a regular basis. I find it hard to trust a car that doesn’t need a key in the ignition and whose gearshift doesn’t stay where you put it (you flip it into the desired gear and it bounces back into neutral position).

I guess I’m just a dyed-in-the-wool New Englander - or, as my husband would explain, I just prefer the familiar. I do enjoy the weather and the lovely tropical flowers and shrubs, and even some of the interesting Mexican-influenced architecture, but I’ll admit up front that I’m much more comfortable amidst my own familiar Massachusetts surroundings. Fat, ugly people and all!

Oh, but just for the record – it was totally worth the trip.

Party Manners

Like any baby, Ryan has good days and bad days. I'll admit that he's a particularly good-natured and easygoing baby, so he has many more good days than bad days, but I'm very glad that he tends to use those good days at times and places where it's most appropriate.

For example, although he often wakes up from a nap with a startled cry, when he falls asleep in church he tends to wake up very gently and quietly. In fact, on Easter Sunday he slept quietly through most of the service and when he woke up, he simply turned his head and silently listened to the choir singing instead of making a loud protest. When we've had company visiting, he's generally in a good mood and happy to play and do his best tricks for them. When Bammy and Pappy, or Grammy, or Aunt Holly and Uncle Jim babysit, he's usually on his best behavior and plays and eats and naps without too much protest.

I'm hoping against hope that this trend continues for our upcoming trip to California. We have so many events to attend and people to visit with that if he's on his best behavior every time, he won't have a free moment for a meltdown! Between the plane trip, his sister's graduation ceremony and graduation party, another friend's graduation ceremony and graduation party, get-togethers with family and friends, and a side trip or two to the park, the zoo, and the aquarium - not to mention dealing with jet lag and unfamiliar surroundings - it'll be a miracle if he is able to be his usual sunny self for the whole week.

But even at his fussiest, his sweet self shines through. He can usually be jollied into grinning through his tears, pausing mid-wail to pat a favorite toy or watch a new friend, or at least falling into an exhausted sleep before giving his mother a nervous breakdown. People naturally gravitate to him no matter what mood he's in, so even when he doesn't have his party manners on, he still draws a crowd. He's just that kind of sweet soul that can't be kept down, no matter what.