Sticker Storytelling

Roughly two weeks into my home schooling journey with my son, I have discovered what is easily the skill with which he struggles most: writing. He has no problem with writing in terms of ideas; he has been telling stories - both repeating ones he's heard and creating stories of his own - since he was able to talk. Give him a character or a topic and he'll happily spin a wild yarn for you. But the act of getting those words onto paper is brutally difficult for him. Holding the marker, forming the letters, keeping the words from falling off the page...you'd think I was asking him to create life.

So I've been searching the internet, reading home schooling and kindergarten teacher blogs, and looking through books to find some creative ideas of how to help make writing practice more interesting and less frustrating for him. Writing in a tray of pudding, or jello or Kool-Aid powder, or sand, or shaving cream; and writing on a chalkboard or dry erase board seemed like great suggestions, but he wasn't terribly enthusiastic. I tried making letter flashcards that he could copy. I made dotted outlines he could trace. I read an article written by a kindergarten teacher who has her students draw a picture and then write a few words about it daily, and I laughed (a little enviously). I couldn't imagine how long it would be before my son would be interested in writing an entire sentence, never mind doing it every single day. But then, I had a sticker epiphany.

My son is moody about drawing pictures: some days he'd draw robots and space aliens all day long, but other days he has zero interest. But I've yet to offer him stickers and be turned down. So this morning, when his little sister was playing with stickers and he asked to make a sticker picture, I was struck with inspiration. I told him he could make a sticker picture, but afterwards he had to tell me a story about it and then we would work together to write one sentence about it. He considered that for a moment, then apparently decided that his love for stickers outweighed his hate of writing, and took me up on it.

I let him choose 10 stickers to put on a piece of construction paper. The Melissa and Doug sticker book we were using has literally hundreds of stickers with a different theme for each page: farm animals, jungle animals, ballerinas, fairies, princes and princesses, bugs and butterflies and flowers, a tea party, and paper dolls (did I mention it was his sister's sticker book?). He flipped right to the prince and princess page and chose a unicorn, a princess, a tiara, several sceptres, a palace, a rainbow, a flower, and several hearts. He carefully put them on the page, layering stickers on top of each other to create a sceptre topped with a flower and a rainbow and another topped with a heart. He studied his artwork carefully for several minutes and then, without any prompting from me, began to tell me all about the princess who lived in the beautiful castle and who had a pet pony (he hasn't much use for unicorns) who used his magic to make the princess special sceptres. After much discussion (and several reminders that the shorter the sentence he chose, the less he would have to write), he came up with this manageable sentence: "The princess has a pony."

I braced myself and got out my pack of flashcards. I reminded him that the beginning of a sentence starts with a capital letter, and together we figured out what letter the word "The" starts with (starting with a diphthong was not my best decision). I laid out the appropriate flashcard, went over where each line starts and the order to make them in, and handed him a crayon with bated breath.

To my surprise, he started to hold the crayon in his fist then corrected his grip without my saying a word, then drew a huge - but surprisingly neat - capital T. I laid out the lowercase h flashcard, and stopped him when he began to make a capital H instead. He corrected it but then got all upset that the mistake made the h look like there was a capital A in the middle of it. But I reassured him that this was just practice and it was okay if there were mistakes, and he soon settled down and kept going. We carefully repeated each word to figure out what sound and what letter came next. Letter by painstaking letter, words began to form on the page. All we could fit on the front of the page was "The prince" so we continued on the back with "ss has a pony." (Technically, it says "has a pony. ss" since he doesn't always remember to start at the top of a new page.) He ran out of steam halfway through so I wrote "a pony" for him, but at least he was willing to tell me which letters to write.

It's just a start, but it gives me hope that someday he will experience the joys of writing that I feel every time I put words to paper. I want him to feel the same thrill that I do at being able to express my thoughts and feelings through words. Even if he doesn't end up being a writer, I want him to be a good communicator. Because he has so much to say!!!

What a Difference a Year Makes

I'm sure I've blogged on this topic before. I've probably even used this exact title before. But when you have small children, you are struck again and again by how much they grow and change (and by how much they change YOU) over the course of 12 months.

One year ago, my then just-turned-2-year-old daughter began taking gymnastics classes. And, like her brother before her, she was a trial to her teacher. Even with me by her side, she didn’t listen, she didn’t follow her classmates, she wanted to play on every piece of equipment except the one she was supposed to be playing on. I spent more time chasing her around the gym than actually doing exercises with her.

She did improve over the course of the year, at least to the point where I was able to get her to cooperate by telling her to instead of by physically chasing her around or bodily picking her up and slinging her into line with the other kids. But I couldn’t imagine what it would be like putting her in a class without me by her side after three months of being away from class.

Well, here it is the next fall, and her second week of class without me. I’d be lying if I said she was perfectly behaved. I would be lying if I said she paid attention to her teacher all the time. I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t the least focused child in the class a good bit of the time. But I’d also be lying if I said the improvement wasn’t far above and beyond what I’d ever imagined or even hoped.

She runs right into the warmup circle at the start of class. She sits when she’s told to sit (most of the time), she gets into line with everyone else (some of the time), she waits patiently for her turn (occasionally – although she does at least wait impatiently a good deal of the time), she listens to what her teacher says and tries to do it (almost all of the time).

Well, she's not standing on her dot, but she's in the general vicinity of the circle,
she's not racing around on other equipment, and she seems to be listening to the
teacher. I'd call that a win.

But best of all, she doesn’t think twice about leaving me behind at the top of the stairs when class begins. She doesn’t look up to the windows during class to reassure herself that I’m still there. And although she’s happy to see me at the end of class, it’s not because she’s upset or scared, but because she can’t wait to tell me all about all the exciting things that she just did.

What a difference a year makes. And viva la difference!!

Google Me - 2014 Edition

Back in March 2013, I wrote a blog entry about the results I got when I Googled myself.  I divided the results into categories: hits that actually referred to me, other people with the same name as me, people connected to me by blood or surname, food, random people, and completely random miscellany. I wondered if (and how) the results had changed over the intervening year and a half, so I Googled myself again, and here are the current results.


Me

• This blog
• My LinkedIn profile
• A YouTube video about the family dance studio
• A newspaper column I write

• A Twitter entry or two
• Several articles about shows I've performed in

• Several extremely unflattering photos of a very pregnant me

Other people with my name

• An "upcycler" in New Orleans, LA
• A Senior Executive in Brisbane, Australia
• A utility worker from Parson, TN

• A computer scientist in Norfolk, VA
• A dental hygienist in Vancouver, Canada
• An author in Florida
• My late mother-in-law

People with a connection to me (either family or sharing my surname)

• An article about "The Jesus People Movement in America" referencing an author named Philpott
• An ad for "Philpott's Fish and Chip Shop"

• A photo of my stepdaughter's graduation from Army boot camp

Random people

• Molly Ringwald
• A model wearing a red peacoat

• A beaver wearing a bumblebee costume (okay, technically not a "person," but close enough)
• An unidentified Asian man
• Tim Tebow

Random stuff

• A number of newspaper reports on Hurricane Sandy
• A newspaper article with the headline, "No SPCA Investigation of Vicious Llama Attack" (I swear, I am not making that up)

• A description of an archaeological dig
• The index to "Burke's Dictionary of Landed Gentry"
• A vintage photograph of a woman wearing a string of pearls and a very low-cut dress

• A bulletin from the US Geological Survey
• A number of fringed leather handbags

In general, I’d say that the Google results are slightly more on-target this time. The first page of results is almost completely people who share my name, and it isn’t until page 3 or 4 that the really weird stuff comes up. So, well done, Google! Your stalking has become much more refined. You should be proud. I think.

 

I Don't Like You, But I Love You

Before my husband and I got married – before we got engaged, actually – we had a number of frank, open discussions about what our marriage should and would be like. We talked about what we thought our parenting styles would be (or, in his case, were), how we planned to practice our religion as a family, how our extended families would be part of our own immediate family life, how we would balance our “couples” social life and hobbies with our “individual” social lives and hobbies, how we would handle disagreements, how we would manage our day-to-day household chores, etc. But one of the smartest things we discussed was that it would be okay for us to dislike each other now and then, as long as we never stopped loving each other.

This might seem like a contradiction in terms to some people. But our approach to love is that it is not just feelings, but rather a conscious decision of how to treat someone. Liking someone is not something you can always force yourself to do – let’s face it, some people just aren’t very likeable, and pretty much every one of us that has ever lived has had a moment or two when we’re not very likeable. But loving someone doesn’t have to do with them; it’s YOUR choice of how to treat them.

This concept comes from our Christian upbringings: the Bible teaches us to love one another. Jesus showed love to a lot of people who were, quite frankly, jerks. Cheating tax collectors, adulterers of both genders, murderers, arrogant sons of – well, you get the picture. Not particularly likeable people, and I highly doubt that he liked every one of them. But he loved them all, and therefore he treated them with compassion, mercy, and respect. But even aside from a Christian perspective, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all treated other people with compassion, mercy, and respect, even when we think they’re jerks? Particularly when those jerks happen to be people that we’re married to?

Whenever I get angry at my husband (and yes, he’s awesome, but it happens), I keep in mind that I love him, and it colors how I treat him. It helps me to bite back those angry, disrespectful words and insults that the “currently disliking” part of me wants to throw at him. (Those readers who know me personally may find it difficult to believe I can think of nasty things because I’m “so sweet.” Ha! You’d be astonished by some of my inner thoughts. I’m a little bit sweet but mostly I just have a really good filter, thanks to this whole “love even when you don’t like” thing.) And once my anger has cooled and I’m able to see things with a slightly clearer perspective, I’m always glad that what was inside my head stayed there. And I’m sure that my husband has plenty of thoughts about me that he’s glad he’s never voiced.

The funny thing about treating someone with love even when you don’t like them (whether that dislike is passing or permanent), is that it makes you, yourself, more likeable. And when you’re more likeable, the loving part comes much more easily, on both sides. So the next time you find your partner being less likeable, try remembering that you love him or her – not WHY you do, but simply THAT you do – and let your behavior reflect your love rather than your dislike. You might be surprised at how likeable it makes you both. 

A is for "Assessment"

My son is not quite 5, and therefore he missed the kindergarten cutoff for this year. So I’m dipping my toe (and his, as well) into the homeschooling pool and teaching him some kindergarten skills myself. As a starting point, I found a wonderful online assessment tool based on the kindergarten common core standards, and this morning I went through it with him to see what he already knows and what he still has to learn. And here’s what I discovered: My kid is a genius.

Well, okay, he’s not really a genius. But he is about 90% done with learning kindergarten language skills, anyway. He’s reading on a second grade level (he breezes through words like “nebula,” “hydration,” and “illustrator” without blinking, including figuring out what they mean from context clues); he can spell and write simple words like “cat” and “pig” and “no” without prompting; and he can describe the settings, characters, and plot of a simple story. I introduced the concept of syllables to him and literally within minutes he could tell me how many syllables are in the word “refrigerator” or “despicable” or “antidisestablishmentarianism” (okay, not that last one, although I’m sure he could have figured it out if I’d actually given him that one). This is one smart kid.

Really, the one skill he’s weak on is writing. Not the spelling or expressing himself part, but simply the physical act of writing, of holding a pen or pencil and actually forming the letters on the page. And the hardest part of teaching the physical act of writing is that it only comes through repetition and practice. Which is the bane of a smart, active little boy’s existence. He doesn’t want to sit and write stuff, he wants to get out there and do it! And this is where the creative part of teaching comes in. This is where I have to come up with ideas of how to help him understand the freedom that will come with being able to express himself in writing. This is one of his first big lessons in delayed gratification, and learning why it pays to do the boring stuff now so you can do the fun stuff later.

So we’ll start with making the fun stuff as immediately “later” as possible. I think I’ll start by having him write words like “jump” and “hop” and “run” and rewarding him for writing them by letting him DO them. Then I’ll have him write words like “pig” and “robot” and “soccer” and reward him by letting him draw pictures of them. We can try writing a single letter a few times and then running around the house to find as many things as we can that start with that letter. (We’ll count them, too, just to sneak in an extra math lesson!) And then maybe we can move on to writing words like “space” and “superhero” and “toilet” and then we can go to the library and find a book about each of those things.

It’s going to be an exciting journey for both of us – probably a little frustrating sometimes, certainly somewhat boring sometimes, definitely often confusing and occasionally scary. But I have no doubt that we’ll both learn a lot – about ourselves and how we think, and about each other and how the other person thinks. But the best part of the journey is that we’ll be taking it together. 

"Be Zen and Fix Stuff"

Over the years, I have discovered that I have a rather unusual talent, a talent which I have developed into a skill. The best description I can come up with for it is that I have the ability to “be zen and fix stuff.” In other words, I am the person you want to have around at your wedding or backstage at a theatrical performance or concert to solve problems and deal with emergencies on the fly. For all that I am a tightly wound person under most circumstances, throw me into a crunch situation and I am perfectly calm and serene – particularly if I am not one of the major players.

One sign that I am the “be zen and fix stuff” person is the contents of my purse. I generally carry bandaids, a nail file, various OTC medications, children’s toys, feminine supplies, and assorted hair stuff (barrettes, elastics, bobby pins) at all times. I can deal with a hair disaster, a medical emergency, and a sobbing child without breaking a sweat. And after years of being the ZenFixer, the contents of my purse have expanded to become what I like to call my complete BECHMMOR (Backstage Emergency Costume, Hair, Makeup, Medical, and Other Repairs) kit. 

Should you wish to become a ZenFixer yourself, here are the necessary ingredients for such a kit:

Costume Repairs

• Hand-sewing needles pre-threaded with appropriate colored thread: black, white, navy, tan, and any colors specific to the occasion (e.g., the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses for a wedding or the colors of the singers’ outfits for a concert). Leave one needle unthreaded in case you need a different color.
• Spools of thread in multiple colors, including lights and darks
• Small scissors
• Large scissors
• A seam ripper
• Straight pins
• Safety pins in multiple sizes
• A black sharpie (I wouldn’t use it on a rented tux, but you can use it to “clean” a costume tux in seconds)
• Clear nail polish (best for pantyhose runs but can also help stop small tears in any lightweight fabric from worsening, and can even be used as glue in a pinch)
• Optional: talcum powder or Wite-Out to instantly “clean” white fabrics (especially handy for gentlemen who shaved a bit too close and bled on their shirt collars)
• Optional: spare pantyhose (women wear hose less often than we used to, but in a theatrical or wedding setting when they are being worn, it’s always a good idea to have an extra pair or two on hand)

Hair Repairs

• Bobby pins
• Hair elastics
• Hairspray

Makeup Repairs

• Makeup sponges
• Chapstick (helps prevent lipstick bleeding and dry lips and mouth caused by heavy lipstick, plus a little on your front teeth stops lipstick from getting on them)
• Concealer stick
• Several shades of lipstick
• Makeup remover and cotton balls or Q-tips
• Optional: additional makeup such as eyeshadows, blush, mascara samplers (obviously not wise to share) and disposable makeup brushes and applicators

Medical Emergencies

• Bandaids (flesh-colored, various sizes)
• Pain reliever
• Benadryl (optional: Caladryl lotion)
• Tums or Pepto Bismol tablets
• Cough drops and/or throat lozenges
• Eye drops
• Styptic pencil

Other Repairs

• Tampons
• Deodorant
• Toothpaste
• Breath mints and/or gum
• Nail clippers
• Scotch tape
• Duct tape/electrical tape/gaffer’s tape (in a theatre setting, this is generally already on hand, usually in every color of the rainbow)
• Small screwdriver set
• Tweezers
• A pen and/or a pencil

With this kit, you can fix any emergency from smudged lipstick to a torn hem to an allergic reaction to a blister to someone being locked in the bathroom. You can sew someone into a costume or rip them out. You can soothe their throat and soothe their nerves all at the same time.

You, too, can Be Zen and Fix Stuff!

Home Schooling: The Saga Begins

My son turns 5 this November, so he misses the cutoff for starting kindergarten this year. But he’s already reading on about a second grade level, he can do basic math, he understands a lot of fairly advanced scientific principles, and he can write fairly well (with a little – okay, a LOT – of prompting). Add that to the fact that he’s as tall as your average second (or third!) grader, and it’s clear that it’s time to start home schooling.

My husband and I had actually talked about home schooling as an option long before now. But given my son’s situation, it seems like an obvious solution: home school informally this year, see how it works out for both of us, continue officially for a year or two if it does, and then plug him into public or private school wherever he fits socially and intellectually at the time instead of basing his placement on his birth date alone.

So with area schools starting next week – and his weekly gymnastics and twice-a-week preschool class as well – it makes sense for us to start home schooling next week, too.

Frankly, I’m terrified.

At a certain level, I know I can do this. My mom was an elementary school teacher and a children’s librarian, so I grew up surrounded by worksheets, educational books, and crafts and projects appropriate for kindergarten and first grade. I spent one summer myself teaching grades kindergarten through sixth in a one-room schoolhouse using government curriculum, and I taught preschool Sunday School for years. So I’m not exactly unprepared for this adventure. And yet, when it’s your own child’s educational base and future you’re putting into place, it’s a lot of pressure.

Anyone who knows me well can tell you what I do when I’m under pressure: I research. I look things up, I read books, I search for online articles, I ask other people for their opinions and advice. And I’ve been doing my research for this project for months, even years. My starting place was an excellent book that my husband found for me, called The Year of Learning Dangerously by Quinn Cummings. Ms. Cummings is a former child actor, author, and “free spirit” who opted to home school her daughter in middle school. Much like me, she began her home schooling journey by thorough research. Her book hilariously details how she researched various styles of homeschooling, including dressing as a cult member to crash a home schooling convention and offering to chaperone a stranger’s home school prom. Despite its often tongue-in-cheek humor, her book offers an excellent outline of both the history of home schooling and the many theories and schools of thought regarding the practical application of home schooling.

One of the aspects of her book that I most enjoyed was her description of how home schooling has changed over the years. Home schoolers are no longer predominantly strictly conservative Christian families who home school in order to protect their children from the world (not that there’s anything wrong with that). These days, many families are opting to home school because of learning disorders, bullying, behavioral issues, transportation issues, allergies, and hundreds of other reasons. The variety of home schoolers is as widely-varied as the types of home schooling.

And speaking of types of home schooling, no longer is home schooling inevitably a mom and a single purchased curriculum. Now, home schooling can be done by a parent, a tutor, or an online classroom teacher. And curricula can include bits and pieces from numerous sources, single units purchased piecemeal, online texts, or even no curriculum at all (often called “unschooling”).

With all the choices out there, it’s a little overwhelming. And yet, it’s also reassuring. If one option doesn’t seem to be working out for us, there are dozens of other approaches to try. And with so many families home schooling in so many different ways, there’s plenty of support out there to tap into.

And so, I brace myself to begin. In the words of John Dewey, “Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” Let’s go embrace life!

You Know You're a Potty-Training Mom When...

I am in the process of potty-training two children at once. (Go ahead, make the sign of the Evil Eye. I know I just did.) Every mom – or dad – or preschool teacher – or nanny – or anyone else - who has ever potty-trained a child knows that there are certain universal signs that you are in the throes of this dreaded process. You know you’re a potty training mom when:

• You automatically put a sticker on the chart on the bathroom door every time you (or anyone else in the family) uses the toilet.
• You can’t help but sing, “Flush and wash and be on your way!” every time you finish peeing.
• You sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands. Even in a public restroom.
• You announce to everyone in the room every time you’re about to use the bathroom. And then invite them to join you.
• And you narrate while you’re going.
• You’re more likely to accidentally sit on a child’s potty seat than on a toilet with the lid still up.
• Scrubbing pee off the bathroom floor is part of your bedtime routine, right alongside brushing your teeth and putting on your PJs.
• You occasionally sniff the air suspiciously and ask, “Who needs to go do a poop?”
• Your bathroom closest holds not only towels and toilet paper, but a collection of pull-ups and small underpants.
• And a “treat box” full of temporary tattoos, Dum-Dum lollipops, and snack-size bags of M&Ms.
• You do a choreographed dance any time a child successfully uses the toilet.
• You check for soiled underpants rinsing in the toilet before you pee.
• Your bribery reward list includes trips to Chuck E. Cheese, the Lego store, and the Bouncy House place.
• There are Cheerios floating in the toilet at any given time.
• You can recite “Once Upon a Potty,” “Elmo’s Potty Time,” or “Everybody Poops” without once referencing the book and/or video.
• You do more than one load of laundry every day.
• Ninety percent of that load of laundry consists of underpants and sheets.
• You make everyone in the house “do a try” before you get in the car, even if you’re only going out for 10 minutes.
• You know the location of every public restroom within a 30-mile radius.
• And you’ve used every one of them.

Any other parents out there who are in the throes of this stage? Let’s all remind ourselves that there are very few children who go to kindergarten in diapers. And even fewer who do so in college. And let’s not think about how many parents wind up losing their minds before they reach that stage.

And then let’s all have a glass of wine together. 

Fall Housecleaning Hacks

With the advent of fall comes – what else? – fall cleaning. It’s the time to wash and put away the summer clothes, bring down the boxes of fall clothes, and deep clean the house. So in the spirit of fall cleaning, here are a few household “hacks” that I’ve picked up over the years.

Easy Steaming

The worst part of bringing out next season’s clothes is ironing out the deep creases that come from being packed in a box for months. But why iron when you can steam? Most people are familiar with the trick of steaming wrinkles out of clothes by hanging them in the bathroom and running a hot shower. But there’s an even easier way to steam out wrinkles – in the dryer! Any clothes except those made from the most delicate fabric can be “pressed” in the dryer by tossing them in with a damp towel for 10 minutes or so. Take each item out, give it a good shake, smooth it out with your hands, hang it up, and voila! It looks like you just walked out of the dry cleaners. And you can steam a bunch of clothes at the same time; just add another damp towel or two.

Let It Soak

I always make sure that last season’s clothes are super-clean and stain-free before I pack them away. OxyClean is great for spot stains, but what about those yellowed undershirts and stinky socks that need an all-over deep clean? My mom taught me to keep a bucket of water with a few handfuls of Axiom or Biz pre-soak next to the washing machine. Items that need a little boost get thrown into the bucket as soon as they’re taken off, where they can happily soak for several days until the next load of wash is ready. Then just dump the whole bucket, water and all, into the washer, add the rest of the laundry and a regular amount of detergent, and you’re good to go.

An Old Toothbrush: The Miracle Tool

Being a frugal Yankee, my mom saved everything. But she used it all, too. One of her most-used and best-loved re-uses was an old toothbrush. You can use a toothbrush to clean anything from grout, to your fingernails, to those hard-to-reach corners of windowpanes, to sink and tub drains, to the gunk under the setting of your diamond ring, to the dust in the little nooks of your tchotchkes. And the older, more flared, and more broken-down it is, the better it works.

Newspaper in Tupperware

As the weather cools, I tend to cook more comfort food, and in larger batches, so it’s time to break out the Tupperware. You know that weird musty smell that unused Tupperware always seems to have, no matter how carefully you scrub and dry it before you put it away? Toss a piece or two of crumpled up newspaper inside when you stick it up on that high shelf and it’ll smell freshly-washed even months later. And if you have a crock pot that sits around unused during the summer months, this trick works for it, too.

Window Polish

Another great use for newspaper? Use it to dry glass surfaces like windows, mirrors, and glass tables after you wash them. Something in the chemicals leaves the glass sparkling and streak-free, and with none of the bits of lint stuck in the corner like you always get with paper towels. Get your newspaper fix online and don’t have any papers handy? Use a coffee filter instead.

Baking Soda Magic

Freshen up your carpets by sprinkling them with baking soda and letting it sit for a few minutes before you vacuum. It absorbs old, lingering odors and the little bit that stays in the carpet will continue to freshen things up during those closed-in months of cool weather.

Lemony Fresh

In the summer months, I use a lot more fresh vegetables and fruits, and therefore I get a lot more use of my cutting boards. So when fall rolls around, I try to give them an extra-good scrub before tucking them away. Try cutting a lemon in half and using it to scrub the board before you put it away. The acid and roughness help to disinfect, deodorize, and even remove stains from both wood and plastic cutting boards.

Hose It Off

Before the weather gets too cold and you turn off the outside hose for the season, take your Venetian blinds outside and hose them off. The force of the water will knock the dust off, no scrubbing required. If your kitchen blinds have a coat of grease that doesn’t want to come off, give them a few squirts with Windex or Fantastik and let the grease dissolve for a few minutes before spraying them off.

Any other fall cleaning cheats you love to use?

The Struggles of an Introverted Mom

Many of my friends are extremely surprised to find out that I am an introvert. Being an introvert means that I get recharged by being alone, rather than by being in a group of people. I don’t necessarily dislike being in a large group, but I do find it exhausting rather than invigorating, and at a certain point I need to take a break away from other people to recharge my emotional batteries.

When you’re a stay-at-home mom, you don’t often get chances to be alone. Your children are always with you. To someone who is an extrovert, or who falls somewhat in the middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum, having small children around barely counts as having people around. But to a true introvert like myself, it can be a struggle never having a moment alone to recharge, away from your children. When I wake up in the morning, my kids are either running in to greet me or waiting for me to come and play with them. When they’re playing games, or eating lunch, or reading a book, they want me close by to keep them company. When I go in my office, or the laundry room, or the bathroom, there is nearly always a small person following me, asking where I am and what I’m doing. When it’s time for them to go to bed, they beg for me to read to them, to sing to them, to tell them a story, to come and give them just one more kiss. I am NEVER ALONE.

It’s exhausting.

But here’s the real struggle: I love being with my kids. Honestly, I adore spending time with them. I don’t want to miss that moment when they figure out how to put the puzzle together or how to sound out that long word or how to do a somersault without any help. I WANT to be with them all the time. Except for the part of me that needs a break.

Luckily, my daughter still takes a nap every afternoon, and my son is old enough to have a bit of unsupervised computer time while she sleeps. That brief window is what allows me to survive my day. For maybe half an hour, sometimes even for a whole hour, I get to sit quietly and read a book, or fold laundry, or scrub the kitchen counters, or sit in the sunshine, or take a shower, ALL BY MYSELF. I don’t have to talk to anyone, I don’t have to smile at anyone, I don’t have to acknowledge anyone. I can pretend that there is no-one else on the entire planet except me.

And after that brief interlude, I’m ready to face the world again. My batteries are recharged, my energy has returned, my spinning mind has quieted itself. I am ready to have a conversation, whether it’s with one of my children, one of their teachers, the cashier at the grocery store, my husband, my best friend, or some random mom at the playground.

And even though I can’t tell yet whether my children will turn out to be introverts like their mom or extroverts like their dad, I think they kind of like having that little break from my company, too. I just hope they don’t like it too much. Introvert or not, I still love spending as much time as I can with my children, while they are still children. There will be plenty of time for me to be alone when they’re grown up. 

Emmy Award Fashions 2014: The Year of “Almost But Not Quite”

I’m not a big television watcher (other than, obviously, all PBS kids’ programming, Nick Jr. On Demand, and everything on Sprout), so the Emmy Awards don’t particularly interest me. I do, however, love covering red carpet fashions, so although I didn’t watch Monday night’s awards show, I did very eagerly look through the red carpet photos the next morning. And I have to say that for the most part, I was unimpressed.

But what was surprising is that so many dresses were almost wonderful, but not quite. They were 95% of the way there, but then took a horrible wrong turn somewhere. Here are a few examples of “almost but not quite.”

I love Mayim Bialik, but she has no fashion sense. Her natural tendency is to dress like a homeless person – a cute homeless person that you want to hang around with and talk to, but definitely one who doesn’t have a lot of clothing options or much of a sense of style. She always looks vaguely uncomfortable on the red carpet. But this bright blue lace dress really has a lot going for it. The neckline and sleeves are feminine yet simple enough to suit her style. The color is absolutely stunning on her. Her choice of hairstyle and accessories are unfussy and appropriate. But it’s just too voluminous. If the bodice had been paired with a sleeker, narrower skirt, it would have been much more flattering. Almost…but not quite.

Betsy Brandt’s dress was similarly close. The watercolor printed fabric is lovely, and the general lines of the dress from the top down to the hips are lovely. But the stiff crinoline paired with the too-long-for-tea-length but too-short-for-floor-length hemline made it look clunky. Almost…but not quite.

Katherine Heigl’s dress had some lovely features – gorgeous, champagne-colored fabric, a soft geometrically curved neckline, lovely panel detailing at the waist. But the hem was too long, the three-quarter-length sleeves were too casual, and the overall style was a bit too retro wedding gown. Almost, but not quite.

Sarah Hyland’s two-piece outfit looked cute on her, but it also looked a bit like a 10^th grade sewing project. It was not well-fitted, with wrinkles along the darts, a baggy waistband, and a wildly uneven hem. Almost, but not quite.

Hayden Panettiere had perhaps the most potential of any of the gowns that just barely missed the mark. Maternity wear can easily go awry, but this gown started off beautifully: crinkly, draped, silver pleating; just the right amount of cling to flatter her burgeoning figure; diagonal lines making her look like a sweet starburst. But then a giant fake (note the obvious modesty panel) plunging neckline clinging oddly. Almost. Not quite.

Teyonah Parris came pretty close in this two-part gown. Gorgeous color combinations, with a simple striped bodice in striking contrast to a pale lime green skirt, all the colors setting off her lovely skin. But the structure of the skirt is just a bit…off. Is it a long pencil skirt with an overlay? Is it a stiff, lumpy ballgown skirt? In other photographs, it appears that the overlayer of the skirt can be lifted to form a long narrow cape of sorts that is attached at the back of the waist rather than the back of the neck. Nice try, but still only almost.

Julia Roberts’ source of “almost” is hard to identify. I like the cut of the bodice, with its deep V-neck, fitted sleeves, and asymmetrical peplum. I even like the bumpy, textured, vaguely sparkly fabric. But something looks disproportionate. Maybe the skirt is a bit too short, or perhaps it’s a bit too full. Maybe it needed one more layer under it. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s definitely an almost but not quite kind of look.

Kerry Washington’s orange column with silver seaming and black lace underskirt just barely made it into the not quite category for me. The lines of the dress are lovely, but some of the details are just wrong. The black peekaboo looks too much like bike shorts, the bodice is not smoothly fitted or supportive enough, and the placement of the waist seam is not flattering. A few fixed details and this would have been a winner, but as is? Almost, not quite.

Vanessa Williams landed in this category merely due to an overblown peplum. The color, the wrap bodice, the trumpet skirt – all gorgeous, and gorgeous on her va-va-voom figure. But the stiff, overblown peplum made this dress look more like a flower costume from a third-grade play than a red carpet gown. Almost, not quite.

There were, of course, a few complete disasters. No almost about any of these gowns.

Oh, Lena Dunham. I love that you love to be eclectic, but you can do better than this fluffy, multi-layered, multi-colored monstrosity of a skirt paired with a demure private school uniform blouse. Worst of all, the outfit doesn’t even look comfortable. But your platinum locks are a knockout and your makeup is flattering and balanced. Just get a gown to match and we’ll all be happier.

Sarah Paulson often lands on my worst-dressed list, and this outfit was no exception. Although I like the concept of a slimmer gown with a floaty, ethereal overlay, the execution in this case fell flat. The double peplums on the underdress ruin the smooth silhouette that could have been, and the red dots look too much like so many bits of lint from the red carpet hovering like a slo-mo explosion. Like Lena, Sarah does redeem herself with lovely hair and makeup, at least.

And lastly, Amy Poehler chose a gown that undoubtedly looked stunning on the runway where it debuted, but it just doesn’t work on a lesser mortal. The clinginess of the fabric and the waist seaming which should be emphasizing a small waist instead calls attention to her thick (NOT FAT!) waist and hint of belly, and the way the fabric falls together below her knees is reminiscent of a wide-legged pantsuit from a production of Mamma Mia. Poor Amy could have – and should have – and has – done so much better.

But there were a few true winners who hit the nail right on the head, fashion-wise. Here are a few of my favorites.

Danielle Brooks’ stark white column with lace halter bodice and high slit was a stunner, and her choice of a circle bracelet echoing the halter was spot-on. Love the contrast of her slightly-mussed 'do, too.

Edie Falco’s cobalt blue crushed satin with wide straps and a tiny train was feminine, sexy, age-appropriate, and brought out those gorgeous eyes of hers.

William H. Macy could have used a haircut, but other than that, he and wife Felicity Huffman were the perfect pair: she in a simple but elegant black column with a square neck and the tiniest of flares at the hem, accessorizing with an adorable plaid bag and understated hair and makeup, and he in a shiny charcoal gray tux with black lapels, hand-tied tie, and impeccably polished patent shoes. Perfection.

Allison Janney was another stunner in this magenta velvet concoction. Ruched velvet often looks bulky and clumsy, but somehow the lines of this dress still manage to look smooth and sleek, with just the right amount of structure in the bodice and just the right amount of soft swing at the hem. Top the look with long wavy locks and a hint of silver bling in jewelry, bag, and shoes, and voila! This is how it’s done.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss rarely misses on the red carpet, and this dress was no exception. A delicious reddish-coral column with tiny details like a hint of gathers at the neck, a slim belt, dart detailing, and a barely-there flare at the hem, and the simplest of hair, makeup, and jewelry made the perfect package. 

Melissa McCarthy vacillates between terrific and terrible when it comes to her red carpet looks. While this isn’t the best gown I’ve ever seen her in, it’s so much more flattering than what I’ve seen her in at times that I had to include her here. The jet black against her fair skin, bright coral lips, and new darker hair color is a knockout. And the wide sequined belt shows her curviness in a way many of her gowns don’t. It’s not easy for a large woman to pull off a full ball gown, but the soft bell shape of the skirt balanced by the square shoulders and high round neck of the bodice is perfectly proportioned and flattering. And those happy dimples – often absent when photographed in her less-successful red carpet looks – show that Melissa agrees.

Octavia Spencer can also be hit or miss on the red carpet, but when she does hit she hits perfectly, and this deep red sari-inspired gown was a definite hit. I love the way the one-shouldered chiffon drape over the bodice twists into a knot at the waist then spins out into a hip-skimming (but not clinging) skirt with a small train. Utterly lovely.

See you all at the Golden Globes in January!! 

Trading Places

When I was pregnant with my oldest child, I heard a lot of old wives’ tales about pregnancy, some of which I’d heard before and some of which were new to me. One of the weirdest ones, and one I hadn’t come across before, was the claim that if a woman develops acne during her pregnancy, she is carrying a girl, and the baby is “stealing her beauty.” There might not be much truth in that particular legend (I had great skin with both my pregnancies, which produced one boy and one girl – who are both, for the record, quite beautiful), but over the course of time, I have discovered that there are a lot of “exchanges” that go on when you have children.

For example, sleep. Babies sleep all the time. Parents get no sleep at all. There is a period of childhood when both children and parents go on to get reasonable amounts of sleep, but then along come the teen years and the parents once again get no sleep while the teens sleep till noon whenever possible. It’s as if the kids are “stealing” their parents’ sleep.

Or how about bodily functions? My children are reaching the age where they are learning to use the bathroom and to “hold it” until they can get to a toilet, while I am reaching the age where I pee whenever I sneeze, or cough, or laugh really hard.

And then there are all the aspects of learning. My children are developing an impressive vocabulary and learning lots of new words, while I am often stuttering and stammering in an attempt to find a word that I am certain I knew five minutes ago. Their ability to read is gaining ground every day, which is a good thing because I am finding that I can no longer read without taking off my glasses or holding the book at arms’ length, or both.

Speaking of glasses, I recently discovered that threading a needle is much more difficult than it used to be, so it’s pretty convenient that my children are developing their fine motor skills enough that by the time I can no longer do it at all, they’ll be able to do it for me.

I suspect they’ll also be doing lots of technological stuff for me in the near future, as well. They’re starting to learn how computers and phones and tablets and mp3 players and all kinds of new technologies work, just as I am beginning to be baffled by the newfangled inventions that came so naturally to me in the past.

I suppose it’s all a part of handing things over to the next generation. We, as parents, find it difficult to let go and allow our children to take charge, so humans are designed to begin to fail just as our children are coming into maturity. We have no choice but to allow the next generation to step in and use their new-found skills to replace the skills we are slowly but inexorably losing.

I know that there are many years before my children have the skills, maturity, and experience to take their adult place in the world, and that there are many years before I lose enough skills that I truly need their assistance, but I hope that it’s a graceful transition. I hope that I can use the interim to let my children take baby steps to build their confidence in their abilities. I think I’ll start by making sure my kids know how to tie shoes. After all, my own feet seem to be getting further and further away.

Here's That Rainy Day

(Dov Severinsen and Tommy Newsome performing "Here's That Rainy Day")

Boy, is it ever a rainy day today. It started raining last night, so when I woke up this morning my allergies were kicking up so my eyes are sore and swollen and itchy, and my joints are achy. Rainy days are not my friend, health-wise. And since I am a stay-at-home mom of two small (and extremely energetic) children, rainy days are not my kids' friend, either. So what to do on a yucky, rainy day? Here's a list of things that kids and moms can do or enjoy to throw off those rainy day blues.

• Bake something. A chilly, rainy day is the perfect time to let the oven heat up the kitchen and drive away the damp, replacing it with wonderful, homey smells. Let the kids help - it'll keep them busy, and they're more likely to eat something they helped make. (Especially if it's dessert.)
• Have a dance party. This may sound like it's just for kids, but it works just as well for adults. Crank up your favorite tunes and get moving. Do it while you fold the laundry or sweep the kitchen or scrub the bathtub, do it as a break between calling clients, do it just by itself for a few minutes. Or for more than a few minutes.
• Get creative. Color, paint, draw, glue something to something else. Dig out some feathers and glitter and construction paper and balloons and whatever else is languishing at the back of the kitchen junk drawer and create something. 
• Re-read a favorite book. Reading for pleasure tends to get shoved aside in our busy society. We barely have time to read a book from cover to cover, never mind reading it twice. So dust off something from your bookshelf that you loved years ago and love it all over again. Find one of your kids' favorite books that you haven't read in a while and read it out loud together.
• Play pretend. Create a blanket fort under the dining room table. Make the couch into a pirate ship. Find an old box and pretend it's a rocket ship to the moon. Make puppets out of old socks or clothespins or paper bags and put on a puppet show. Imagine you're the characters in your kids' favorite TV show or book and re-enact one of their favorite episodes, or make up a new one. 
• Put comfort food on the menu. Serve chicken pot pie, or lasagna, or stew, or pretty much anything made in a crock pot. They call it comfort food for a reason. 
• Jump in puddles. Embrace the wet, put on your raincoat, rain hat, and rain boots, find the biggest, deepest puddle you can, and get splashing. One of my favorite memories from my college years was during finals week when there was a horrible rainstorm, and my roommate and I took a study break and puddle-jumped on the quad for an hour, they came home and made hot cocoa. There's something incredibly emotionally renewing about jumping in puddles.

Here's that rainy day! Make the most of it.